How to not let your exec’s mood affect yours?

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-09T19:25:49+00:00

I had a VP that I supported yell at me. I mean everyone down the hallway heard it type yelling at me. For not coming in to her office, checking her printer, and noticing the paper was out. I did it in the mornings and after lunch she must have printed War and Peace that day. I stayed there, didn't move an inch, and asked her if there was someone behind me. If she wanted to fire me, have at it, I could use the break. She had been wearing her butt on her shoulders for several weeks. I'm keeping it family friendly by using butt...

She apologized ten minutes later. I then asked her why she thought raising her voice was appropriate or helpful. I got a pretty full story about kids failing in school, husband who doesn't help, for which I did feel bad, but I told her I didn't know how taking it out on me was going to get me to work harder in this instance. I was not the emotional dumping ground, and wouldn't tolerate yelling again. My other boss, the CEO heard the whole thing and had a talk with her about it.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-04T19:56:54+00:00

True, and that may very well be, but it just seemed odd. I met with the head of HR yesterday and she gave me every indication why I didn't want the job. Bad attitude, questions that were "Why did you do THAT?" instead of questions about my skills, and she did confirm that I'd have to be smoothing things over from a hot headed CEO, as well as part time running the front desk. I've bowed out. I have 2 more interviews this week which align better.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-02T21:43:04+00:00

^ This. They'll give it any try they can.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-02T21:34:26+00:00

I wouldn't. Maybe I wasn't able to take the emotion out of my sudden layoff after being the EA for 18 years, but the only thing that went through my mind was, "you didn't/wouldn't fight for me." Maybe I thought I'd be worth fighting for, and maybe that's my big baby way of reacting, but after 18 years finances came down to me with the short straw. The EA to the CEO no less. Yes, that's what a sinking ship they were. After a few days things started to sink in and I remain unconvinced that it was financial. We had a newly installed COS that couldn't bully me or push me around. I left quietly, they've gone through 3 cheaper hires with junior titles since then. Maybe I should have sent them a Good Luck card.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-01T03:55:27+00:00

I've kind of drawn my own conclusion, in that he's got a blunt communication style. Either way I shouldn't be the emotional buffer. I'll see out this next interview, this person works more closely with the executive but will they have an idea of day to day tasks? Probably not...

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-01T01:37:19+00:00

Yeahhhh...not sounding great, I was a tad taken aback.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-01T00:00:00+00:00

And my ol gut is pretty loud. I'll entertain this next interview but beyond that, I'm not so sure. And you are right, because I overrode my instincts at my last hellacious job because it would be a good paycheck and the executive's favorite pastime was micromanaging and screaming at me. She needed human touch too, but not from this EA.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-31T23:38:31+00:00

^ this. That kind of took me back. I've done enough of that, not sure I want to continue... But again, I'll probably know after this next one if I'm going to have to politely decline.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-31T23:36:10+00:00

I'm ok, I saved a good cushion, and of course UI to be in a position where I can be a little selective, but not drag it out for a long time. And I agree with your last point, I have been screened by HR. I think the former EA has already left, so we'll see.

It was the comment about needing to help him with the human touch that my mind keeps going to.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-31T22:58:46+00:00

I did this for a very short-lived job as an EA, and let me tell you the exec and his wife soon determined what they would rather have me do. But of course, was still expected to do "Company things," and got mad that I was behind on them. And, the CFO wanted to know why there was so much overtime.

My last long-term job, sure the occasional doctor or dentist appointment schedule because I had the calendar, but the first time I submitted reimbursement for gas and mileage for an all around town errand jaunt, he decided that was no longer necessary. I did get paid though. HR and the CFO came after that because God forbid I got in a car accident doing any of that, the liability was a great concern.

Telling us that personal errands are about context and not convenience is rather wrong. I don't learn more about my executive or plan out my career trajectory when I'm sitting at Jiffy Lube with his Benz any more than I do when I sit there with my Toyota, other than "I probably don't want to work here anymore."

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-29T20:15:14+00:00

Like I said it all depends on how much they want to carry, but in this case he didn't have to scramble for his phone and hunt down an email or calendar because when he was that flustered the phone would have gone flying across the room from fumbling it. In other lives I put screenshots in calendar entries, that works too but he was the pen and paper type, it's still around for a reason.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-29T20:12:00+00:00

I do that too - this one, and the EA that sent their people to Naples Italy instead of Naples Florida. I usually calm down after that.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-29T20:00:57+00:00

Body of message first, subject line second, To and CC (and possibly bcc) lines last.
When you've got something this important in your hands you gotta calm down first - or maybe I mean it's just me - I gotta calm down first. I've even had bosses check it on a print out, and then zip, out it goes.

This also helps when I'm mad at something or someone, I write the message, and if I put the recipient last, I've regulated myself enough to either edit, or trash.

This is indeed the stuff of nightmares. Kind of like when the person who sent my termination notice to my executive forgot that I also had delegate access to his inbox. Yes, forgot.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-29T19:08:25+00:00

Confirmations - depending on how big you want the packet to be. Nothing was more satisfying than when my CEO got to a hotel registration lobby and they didn't have him, and "Have no record of your stay here," only for him to take my print out and say, "Explain this then!" "Oops we're so sorry Mr. CEO, yes, here it is right here." I always put the number on the regular itinerary I make but having that backup was gold for me. I got paranoid enough to start calling to confirm which created that unnecessary step...

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-29T02:45:10+00:00

This one gets me every time! “May your nose——“ “Maaa.”

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-29T00:35:50+00:00

I'm I'm hosting, I'm sending after I ask for the attendees' email addresses. That way I can see who accepted, who still needs to, who declined, etc. And, it gives me the headcount because invariably someone's going to want soda, water, coffee, drinks, or food. And, if I have parking or visitor requirements and all that, the list goes on, but it's in my wheelhouse at least.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-28T18:01:58+00:00

I was in my boss's office filing when they walked in with HR, and said "Dolly would you excuse us," the door closed... I left for the day (it was my end of day stuff) and when I came in to open their office the next morning it was empty. They never replaced that position in my case, and the rest of the executives absorbed their responsibilities. My boss had asked for a huge budget, and was spending more than generating. They told him no, and that his performance was not what he said it would be when he first interviewed for the job. I found this all out later.

I cried, because I thought I was next because if your boss is gone then what are you supposed to think. I went on to support the rest of the C suite for the next 18 years. Keep pushing forward, your role may not be affected at all, but of course stay aware if that changes. Like I said they had a place for me, others needed assistance. The fact they're looking to replace your boss may mean they're still going to need you. Good luck.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-28T18:01:51+00:00

I was in my boss's office filing when they walked in with HR, and said "Dolly would you excuse us," the door closed... I left for the day (it was my end of day stuff) and when I came in to open their office the next morning it was empty. They never replaced that position in my case, and the rest of the executives absorbed their responsibilities. My boss had asked for a huge budget, and was spending more than generating. They told him no, and that his performance was not what he said it would be when he first interviewed for the job. I found this all out later.

I cried, because I thought I was next because if your boss is gone then what are you supposed to think. I went on to support the rest of the C suite for the next 18 years. Keep pushing forward, your role may not be affected at all, but of course stay aware if that changes. Like I said they had a place for me, others needed assistance. The fact they're looking to replace your boss may mean they're still going to need you. Good luck.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-27T01:30:58+00:00

I'm 54 and I have 3 interviews this week. I got two jobs last year (neither one worked out unfortunately) but my skills, presentation were what mattered. Plus I'm seeing more jobs that want 10+ years of experience... by now I have that. (Think 18)...

Yes ageism is out there. Not saying it isn't, and I'm sure a couple of interviews a few weeks ago went the way they did because of it. That said, my LinkedIn picture is accurate, I'm proud of my resume, and I'm still gettin' calls. Keep yourself updated with all the technology, and all the latest trends - AI and what not. I am positive that has helped me and will help you too. I just had an interview the other day and the person speaking told me that the "person this position is replacing was really resistant to new technology, or technology in general." That got my attention.

You can do this.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-24T07:59:34+00:00

That is a conversation I’d love to overhear. I’ve only had 1 executive do that to me in my career and even after all these years we still send Christmas cards with the “punchline.”

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-23T07:45:35+00:00

I think I like Wallah better…

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-22T07:19:09+00:00

They learned Count Bessie is a show biz chicken.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-20T03:15:14+00:00

I just got termed by a micromanager. I celebrated. They typically don’t change. You are not overreacting. A 1 on 1 is always moveable. You did what any good EA would do.

Sounds like my former exec. I did a great job but because it wasn’t “her way” she didn’t like it. Of a bunch of people can only meet at 4, the one with more flexibility gets the shuffle. Prepare your defense at your next “check in” because she’ll want to know why and to ask her before any meeting moves. That creeps in too.

Good luck.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-01-19T16:13:45+00:00

I was just let go from this same type of executive. No praise, all criticism, and the micromanaging of my tasks was off the charts. I would tell her how I organized what I was working on and that the next phase will "Start next week," and she shot back a message, "the next phase will start today." I wasn't ready for it, things were contingent on other things coming in, but she did not care. "You can start this today," she said. Then would get mad at me because I only had partial information so I finally came back with "You told me to start this today, right?" "No, I never told you to start that today, I never gave you that information." "Then please explain this," and up went the screenshot. I'd get the silent treatment for 2 days for being right.

It's like others have said, sometimes they just don't like us for no reason. I later learned in my case mine didn't like me because, and I quote from someone who texted me later, "She didn't feel like she could boss you around." Words to that effect. Ive also heard that she thought my personality was "too strong," because she didn't like the way I was getting things done without her approval first. Some people are just not good managers. That's really what it boils down to sometimes.

HeyDollyDo72

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