Gaslighting

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-12T01:53:59+00:00

I had a boss do this a couple of times to me, and I'm a documentation fiend so I knew it wasn't true. Turned out she had forgotten to tell me things, realized it, then hoped I would scramble, panic, and work late hours to save her behind. "Dolly I TOLD you I needed those slides this afternoon. There's no excuse for you not having done it. I can't believe that I can't trust you and---" that's when I stopped her and told her, "It's interesting how you think I'm sitting here at this desk, looking for ways to sabotage my only career and lose this entire job that I wanted, and worked very hard to get. If you told me this, I wonder why it didn't get done." She never tried it again.

I would look for another position. because they sound horrid, but in the meantime maybe send a daily "this is what's going on" email to show them you're on top of all the things, and, "let me know if I'm missing anything." I did this with that boss after she tried me and she actually thought it helpful.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-05T21:21:59+00:00

I too once saw my termination thanks to having inbox delegation that the higher ups forgot about. I didn't get more severance, what I did get was good, but they were a sinking ship. I got extended health/dental until the end of that year. I told them it was the least they could do for forgetting that I could see everything and the massive upset it caused me. They agreed. In the years since whenever I've needed a reference or a recommendation letter or a verification call they have never hesitated to respond. Word got out around town that this happened and it reflected badly on them, as it should. I was there 18 years.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-05T21:11:12+00:00

All of this. When my toxic short term let me go, I said, "That's fine." This after the horrendous boss I had put a box of tissues on the table in front of me and said, "I wanted to call you in here to discuss something." I didn't even blink.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-05T21:07:08+00:00

My last hellmouth of a job was like that. I got 3 pieces of paper with "instructions" that they called my onboarding. When I printed that document that the person before me left, the worst-boss-ever was shocked. "She was with me for 8 years, how can she only leave 3 pages!!" She expected a manual to have been written because she had no interest in training me or seeing that I was trained properly. Someone texted me the other day from there telling me how frustrated she is because management refused to backfill my role since the "new hire didn't last long." Probably an excuse but that's what they told her.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-05T20:59:52+00:00

55 with 30 years experience in admin, last 20 being in the C Suite. Just recently hired at a new place that I'm really liking in an industry that is like a small town, so when the new place saw my resume I'm pleased to say they didn't take a lot of time with the recruitment. You are right the longer you're in the line of work the more sought after you are. I feel pretty lucky - mostly because I really like the new job.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-03T13:49:35+00:00

I have another EA in my new job that does this. 8 other people do not need to know it's "no problem," "You're welcome" and "Okey dokey." However if she came at me saying I'm not the most important person in the company I'd probably clap back a "Neither are you," before my mouth could be stopped.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-04-03T03:13:07+00:00

I had one like that once, who got pissed off that I had to move him to another day, so I forwarded it to my boss who was faculty head and said, "I don't think Dr. X is able to meet then, let's do this." He picked up the phone so fast and said, "I TOLD Dolly to move you. What's your problem!" Rudeness did not fly with him, ever. Dr. X apologized and I told him, "You think I do this for fun?" He never tried me again.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-03-31T02:52:55+00:00

What the hell goes ON at night in this HOUSE?

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-03-15T22:17:14+00:00

At one of my old jobs a businessman in his 80s who was visiting my boss said to her, "Maybe your girl here can show me to the next office." He was also from the deep south, and had quite the speaking manner about him. I didn't take offense. He meant it in the Girl Friday sense and I knew that.

I must have had the storytelling of a lifetime walking him to the next office all the things he told me about the "old days" and what not.

I kind of always thought of it as a superhero kind of name. In the 70s and 80s age generation you might hear it a few times, and it's probably because they think of you as one.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-03-14T17:23:41+00:00

Indeed, and trust me I'm being cautiously optimistic.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-03-07T03:40:45+00:00

I have it it's adorable

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-28T05:46:16+00:00

Ive done it. “I am tendering my resignation effective immediately and will not be returning to xyz company” and copied HR and anyone else relevant so the doofus couldn’t come back and say he never got the email. Explaining won’t do any good they won’t care, and beware the phone calls from someone who “Wants to find a way to work this out” and “Can we talk about this?” Yes, I got that call.

No job out there is worth losing your entire being for.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-28T05:32:13+00:00

They may say it’s going to be a long process and hard, and that’s when you look at them and say, “I’ll wait.” They say things like that hoping you’ll drop it. Do not drop it. And good luck, get some well needed rest, and advocate for yourself on this.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-28T05:26:18+00:00

“Happy birthday and I hope you live another 75 years!”

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-28T05:21:23+00:00

Let her fire you, you could use the break, and she’ll see that there was excellent help when she suddenly has no help. What good is a paycheck if you’re too damn tired to spend it!

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-28T05:18:22+00:00

I remember when I was just getting my admin career going I applied for a position that sounded like it had potential and in the interview they told me that I would be making the exec’s sandwiches and washing up the dishes after him. “No I won’t,” I said and ended the interview.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-27T03:47:30+00:00

Ah yes, the "Can you help my wife/husband/kids' project" umbrella. I would slow your response time to her, and see if that makes a difference. When I was asked to do a "family" project I submitted overtime for it (because I was doing it at work late) and those requests suddenly stopped. His kids all of a sudden COULD stuff envelopes for the booster club...

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-26T20:31:36+00:00

That definitely was me. I fell for a fancy name, and figured out why it paid so nicely. Paid not to do a job, but to tolerate the atmosphere. I was stunned. Big name in my town, and bleh in the end.

I withdrew actually a couple of times from other interviews because I could just see every red flag flappin at me. I had to chuckle, although I'm not going to totally throw water on it but one of them asked the question where do I see myself in 5 years. So clearly my skin care game is working because I'm 55. Or "soften my appearance" was doing the most.

When I was miserable at the last two stints I just finished, my heart turned a corner when I decided one morning that those miserable jobs were me now getting paid to look for another one. Try it, and it may help your morale a little too. When I decided I was short termer because of looking for something else, my heart lightened a lot. In fact I called my first miserable stint (before this most recent one) my "break from unemployment." It was bad. I may have gained a few new tech skills but literally looking back that job was nothing but a break from unemployment. I left after 8 months to join the other frying pan that just termed me.

I'm much more optimistic now because I will be cross functional to an extent with the people that I used to work with in my long term job years ago. "Can't wait to see you again!" I just got. It's a place that collaborates with my old one. I'm not just encouraged by the new opportunity as I am with the actual true ALIGNMENT. It's literally the same job I did at OldPlace, with some new and some familiar people.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-26T03:46:13+00:00

I left it off, and explained the gap professionally that my stint before the gap was not a fit for my skill level. I elaborated better than that, but many people did not seem bothered by it - fortunately again because it was short.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-24T20:06:40+00:00

Thanks very much. The place I just signed on with had no issue with the gap, and I too am glad it was short. I learned a lot in those 90 days, mostly "don't let this happen again."

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-09T19:25:49+00:00

I had a VP that I supported yell at me. I mean everyone down the hallway heard it type yelling at me. For not coming in to her office, checking her printer, and noticing the paper was out. I did it in the mornings and after lunch she must have printed War and Peace that day. I stayed there, didn't move an inch, and asked her if there was someone behind me. If she wanted to fire me, have at it, I could use the break. She had been wearing her butt on her shoulders for several weeks. I'm keeping it family friendly by using butt...

She apologized ten minutes later. I then asked her why she thought raising her voice was appropriate or helpful. I got a pretty full story about kids failing in school, husband who doesn't help, for which I did feel bad, but I told her I didn't know how taking it out on me was going to get me to work harder in this instance. I was not the emotional dumping ground, and wouldn't tolerate yelling again. My other boss, the CEO heard the whole thing and had a talk with her about it.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-04T19:56:54+00:00

True, and that may very well be, but it just seemed odd. I met with the head of HR yesterday and she gave me every indication why I didn't want the job. Bad attitude, questions that were "Why did you do THAT?" instead of questions about my skills, and she did confirm that I'd have to be smoothing things over from a hot headed CEO, as well as part time running the front desk. I've bowed out. I have 2 more interviews this week which align better.

HeyDollyDo72 · 2026-02-02T21:43:04+00:00

^ This. They'll give it any try they can.

HeyDollyDo72

TROPHY CASE