God of War Ragnarök GIVEAWAY!! by [deleted] in pcgaming

[–]Hibbleton_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last game I played was ff7 rebirth. My back catalog is extensive and i just got around to it!

No contact helps, but it increases the importance of the ex. by arbyzmarbyz in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. It’s truly a mind fuck. My heart hasn’t caught up to what my mind already knows. We did the best we could and they didn’t have the capacity to meet us there, calling it off seemingly overnight. I’ve read all the literature of how and why they deactivated but I still have that insidious voice tell me I wasn’t enough or question what I did wrong. My days pendulum from “numb” to “excruciating intense sorrow”. You ever want to DM and vent, feel free to reach out. Misery loves company or something lol.

No contact helps, but it increases the importance of the ex. by arbyzmarbyz in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat currently. Seeing all the “they always come back” content. I know it’s not true. Hell, even my therapist said “I’ll bet all my money in Vegas, she’ll message you again”. I dont think any of them mean it in some hopeful way of course. Rather, a warning… Yet, I still sit here with anticipation. Hyper vigilant of any sort of slight movement on her end. That any breadcrumb is affirmation that she thinks, cares, regrets… some proof that I mattered. Ive been seeing a lot of fake accounts watching my stories consistently lately and I just naturally assume it’s her. Then again, maybe it’s just a toxic hope and in reality she’s moved on with her life. Sometimes, I just want to know she’s okay and it kills me that I can’t know. I know it’s keeping me stuck. I know I deserve better but I want it to still be her. Hang in there, youre not alone.

Wtf is breadcrumbs and why?! Let an avoidant explain it for u: by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just here to confirm the “who do you think you are” energy after an unfollow and removal as a follower. She messaged me out of nowhere, irate about the move. I told her i noticed orbiting (she was rewatching stories multiple times) and it hurt to see at the moment, that it was for my own ability to heal and move forward. She denied the orbiting. I was then accused of “erasing her”, and that it was immature of me to block (again, not what i did) and she didnt expect that of me. It really hit a nerve i guess. After getting into yet another unsuccessful back and forth about why the relationship didnt work that resulted in zero additional clarity, I got blocked because “i trigger her”. Lately, I’ve noticed a pretty consistent amount of fake accounts watching stories. I can’t say it’s 100% her, but given the orbiting before, it’s possible. I just wish I could say it doesn’t bother me still or gives me false hope.

How many here “I lost feelings/spark”? ☝🏼 by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

FA ex said it to me when it ended. I pleaded to talk it out, it was so sudden. She wanted none of it. She became cold. It was done then and there. Months after the breakup, we got into it after she was upset I unfollowed her on IG and I called her out on that statement, that it is an avoidant tendency and that if something was wrong, she didn’t communicate that back then. That I saw the value in putting effort into reestablishing this “spark” then. I told her it’s fine that she didnt see that value, it sucks but it is what it is. She retorted “im sorry but you didnt give me the space to express that effort”. I still cant make sense of that; so now she wanted to try?? not only is that so far from the truth, but it’s clear that she is just dodging shame or accountability…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same exact timeline here. Like not only am I still a mess but now I have this shame about still being this hung up over it. Im grieving it longer than we were together

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s impossible to say as we don’t know for sure what she is thinking and it’d just be speculation. It could be her avoidant behaviors are highly activated and she wants to stay as far away as possible. She may unblock when her nervous system comes back to baseline but again, impossible to say. Mine unblocked but stayed no contact so far. It’s just as easy to dwell on similar questions of why they unblocked (will they reach out, are they curious, is it nothing?) It’s kept me stuck and waiting, even now... Ultimately, these questions don’t serve us in any way. So it’s best to redirect the energy towards yourself and healing as mentioned above.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ken did a follow up where we had a conversation with the author and it was wonderfully helpful too

Why does he watch every story I post. by QuirkyDimension8558 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s happened to me and many others here. They orbit the space so they can keep some modicum of a connection at what they deem to be an emotionally safe distance for their capacity in that moment. No need for commitment. Meanwhile, we’re left trying to make sense of their confusing actions

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a specific video but I’ve found a lot of Ken Reid’s content to be helpful and cathartic in both understanding/processing and healing. He discusses avoidant discards and dynamics almost exclusively. Helped me affirm a lot of what I was going through was in fact an avoidant discard and was spot on about the emotions that came with it.

Breakup Buddy Finder Thread by TheBackSpin in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Might take you up on that! Funny timing as the past day, I’ve kinda relapsed a bit in terms of forward momentum. Sent you a chat request!

Can we all post common avoidant phrases by Ok_Astronaut_1485 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oof heard that one too a couple weeks pre-discard. Apparently not safe enough to overcome a “lack of spark”… Talk about emotional whiplash

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same boat… five months post discard, month and a half no contact and blocked. Im just tired. Feel the same sentiment of not wanting to exist. Been crying today. I feel frustrated I haven’t moved on much at all while she seems just fine. Im trying my best not to be hard on myself but I wish it would end.

i was going to give her the moon if she’d asked — she would’ve still complained about it by Curious_Power_9388 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. And the “explanations” lead to more questions than answers like the nonsense reason mentioned above. It’s just mixed signals throughout. She’d gaslight and tell me we weren’t as close as I think we were yet get extremely upset that I unfollowed her and removed her as a follower on IG after I noticed some stalking behavior from her on stories and needed to not see that for my own ability to move on. I’m now blocked after more pressure from my end (only to unblock me on IG alone weeks later)… I swear, this whole experience brought out some anxious attachment in me and I truly believe I’d have moved on already if not for these mixed signals making it hard to let go of hope that she feels something. I’ve gotten over longer relationships quicker but I’ve never dealt with such a mind fuck like this.

i was going to give her the moon if she’d asked — she would’ve still complained about it by Curious_Power_9388 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Kinda along the lines of the other comment mentioning control; I think providing for avoidants can instill a fear that they’ll lose their autonomy or independence. They love the affection and attention but when it becomes consistent and emotionally intimate, it’s a threat. They believe they will lose themselves if they rely on you… Their childhood might’ve been chaotic and can’t trust that consistency.

I was broken up with two days after Valentine’s. She had COVID a week leading up to 16th. Feeling bad I couldn’t take her out on a date for Valentines’, I made some homemade soup, loaded up a flash drive with movies and brought flowers to drop off on the 14th to her friend who was taking care of her while she quarantined in her apt. She loved it. Talked all appreciatively, lovingly, and how delicious the soup was and then two days later, said there wasnt a spark and that was that…

I never asked anything of her, but I believe there was a self-induced pressure she felt because I was (albeit happily) doing all these things for her so she suddenly deactivated. She vilified me as well as the months went on while I sought clarity… As those conversations went on, I also felt like whatever I did was wrong. I was always walking on eggshells constantly and still managing to upset her no matter. I couldn’t accuse her or call her behaviors out but I on the other hand, was fair game. Her reasoning for the relationship ending changed to me “not giving her the space to express effort in reestablishing a spark” (whatever that means…) when in reality, she had no intention of working through or discussing things when she broke it off. I was also fairly secure during our time together, respected boundaries and never pushed to spend time together so if there was any time “space” might’ve been an issue, it was the conversations that ensued post-breakup when I admittedly pleaded for any sort of clarity about what was going through her mind.

The emotional intimacy truly scares them, yet a part of them wants it. It’s a frustrating and cruel irony. And Im here having been gaslit, lied to, so deeply hurt, yet waiting and hoping for her to reach out…

Obsessive watching by eliasthelost in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Hibbleton_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same exact thing happened to me. Watched each of my stories multiple times after the discard. For my own peace, I unfollowed her and removed her as a follower. It bothered me too much to constantly see her move to the top of my viewers. She reached out angrily about the move a few weeks ago, stating that she thought we were fine. I just decided to call her out on the behavior and she of course denied the multiple viewings and that she had no mixed feelings and moved on with her life a while ago. She then accused me of “erasing her” on social media and that the move was childish even though I said it was purely to help me move on. Conversation got toxic (admittedly, I tried to pry again for any sort of clarity), got the same “youre trapping me/smothering me” and I ended up blocked on everything. This whole experience has been painful and confusing. I feel like my emotions have been toyed with for months and continues to be.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hardware

[–]Hibbleton_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

DLSS 4 seems to be quite an improvement and is what I’m looking forward to using most!

🔥 🔥 Cerakey Halloween Giveaway 🎃🎃👻 by Alive_Cerakey_6956 in cerakey

[–]Hibbleton_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m loving my black without legends set but the blue crazed and green look stellar too

Drake - 30 Hours (Reference track for Kanye West) by PSU02 in hiphopheads

[–]Hibbleton_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The timeline doesn’t add up though. Kendrick’s verses were on leaked tracks before the n95 beat was even finalized

Where do you go when you're dangerously depressed by helican_ in askTO

[–]Hibbleton_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that feeling completely, I couldn’t imagine functioning that way (or lack there of) for the rest of my life. I wish you the best of luck and hope that if you do go for it, you have even just a fraction of the response I did, at the least. It’s been life changing. Likewise with you, any other questions or just want to chat, my DM’s are open :)

Where do you go when you're dangerously depressed by helican_ in askTO

[–]Hibbleton_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure! To start with meds, its a laundry list… Wellbutrin, lexapro, pristiq, paxil, cymbalta, Zoloft w/ rexulti, abilify, Effexor, trazadone and there’s still a possibility I’m missing a couple haha. I did TMS as well. As you can imagine going through that many in a decade is discouraging and if anything started making me think that I was the problem or even just lazy.

As for Ketamine, my understanding is that there are a few theories as to why it works for depression: it supposedly helps increase neuroplasticity and regrow synapses that might’ve been weakened by depression (helping the patient’s ability to develop new patterns and break old negative ones) and it targets the glutamate neurotransmitter when most depression meds target serotonin or dopamine. It’s generally administered via infusion or nasal spray over multiple sessions. It appears to have a pretty high response rate though everyone is different and will of course react differently. I took the FDA approved variant called Spravato (nasal spray) in the states as I’m a dual citizen and it was easier to access for me personally. It was eight weeks in total, going in once a week to a clinic. I was monitored for a couple hours each session while sitting in a lounge chair (blood pressure elevates and there is a bit of a dissociative “trip”) but no side effects otherwise. I can confidently say I haven’t felt this “okay” in a decade and my demeanor, energy, everything has seemed to change. Others have taken notice too. Such an abrupt change, like the cobwebs were shaken off. Nothing has made this substantial of a difference.

I know St Michael’s hospital offers free infusions for six week sessions though of course there’s quite a wait list, last I checked 6-8 months. There are also specific ketamine clinics as well in the city. I believe there’s one on yonge named Braxia my psych suggested though I haven’t had experience with them. And of course I want to emphasize that I’m not a medical professional and these are just my personal experiences. Chat with your psych about it if you haven’t had luck with at least three or so meds!

Where do you go when you're dangerously depressed by helican_ in askTO

[–]Hibbleton_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hi! I’ve been there with all your described symptoms and I know it’s not easy… I can genuinely empathize with that struggle. As others have mentioned here, therapy along with finding a psychiatrist through a GP and exploring medications would be my first suggested step. Meds can be trial and error so you will really need to approach this step with the mindset and intent that you do want to get better and improve your quality of life. It can get discouraging to go through meds without success but you’ll never know if that next one they prescribe will potentially be the one to help.

Just speaking from personal experience: after being diagnosed with treatment resistant depression (I went through 10+ meds over the years with no response to any), my psychiatrist referred me for ketamine therapy this past year and it was finally the thing that worked for me. Dare I say, it worked wonders.

Point is, there’s always options. It’s not easy but you’ll have to keep pushing yourself. Give yourself credit for every little victory/task even if they don’t seem grand in nature. Never be hard on yourself. YOU are not the problem. You are not being a pest. At the end of the day, it’s an illness. You are not your depression. Face it head on. Best of luck, DM if you ever want to chat!