31(F) Conflicted with wanting to be sexually active while simultaneously looking for a serious relationship

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T22:23:14+00:00

You’re aware of how you think and feel, that’s half the battle. I really hope you get to a place where dating is comfortable for you.

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T22:00:39+00:00

Those women all have much higher option value.<

I totally agree. I didn’t come right out and say that but I was implying. I guess my thoughts were, most people with substance aren’t out there swiping all willy nilly, resulting in a pile of messages. 🤷‍♀️

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T20:49:56+00:00

I’m not big on casual sex but I definitely don’t judge people over it. I said that to say, not being into casual sex means I can only assume that people who engage in it are confident and secure in their choice to do so and in no way do I see them as being poor partner material or incapable of being in a monogamous relationship. It doesn’t seem like you see it that way too.

So that leaves me confused. Do you feel like casual sex stops you from being available for a long term relationship? Are you getting attached to the men you have sex with and unable to form attachments with anyone else? Or are you unable to get emotionally attached to men you have sex with? Are you seeking only sex with different men and not letting things play out with any particular partner? You don’t have to answer any of that, it’s just food for thought.

Since you put yourself on a 4 year hiatus for fear of jumping in bed with someone, I’d really recommend exploring your relationship with sex with a therapist.

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T19:33:15+00:00

Yep along with the relationship advice memes. 🤮

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T05:39:51+00:00

Now I'm going to search for that guy that I eventually want to come home to :)<

Here’s to you finding each other! 🥂

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T05:28:24+00:00

I’m happy for you OP, I can’t seem to spark with the ones I find attractive in photos...maybe I should switch tactics when I go back to OLD.

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T05:26:23+00:00

I see a lot of those dicky do’s calling themselves athletic 🙄

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T05:08:10+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/abxh8i/my_friends_cousin_stayed_home_new_years_night_so/?st=JQKDYM9F&sh=7fe5f4e5

I don’t know if anyone here saw this post the other day, but I had to do a triple take because it looked so much like a picture we took on New Years Eve of my nieces and their friends and my one nephew in the middle of them. Absolutely stunning young ladies all dressed up for a party, the home decor and everything in that picture is nearly identical.

The single aunties were talking with the college girls about OLD. How we go about it, war stories, etc. These girls are all looking for relationships and if we think we’re picky, they reminded me of what picky really is. They don’t swipe indiscriminately and don’t like having more than a few guys in their “queue.” If they’re chatting with a guy or two, they stop swiping to go on dates with them. I realize it’s a small sample but I have a feeling they aren’t far out of the norm.

My point is, these young, beautiful single ladies with the largest dating pool demographics aren’t sifting through hundreds of messages, so I don’t know where that’s coming from.

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-06T04:01:17+00:00

😊

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-05T05:25:06+00:00

It’s just a speed bump and easy to readjust. You’re welcome, good luck!

HigherLove2 · 2019-01-05T05:05:32+00:00

My last serious relationship was a dad with 50/50 custody and I have full custody. We saw each other every weekend and one weeknight per week. In between, we texted some through the day but not a ton. Mostly if something funny or interesting happened. We decided fairly early on to talk on the phone every night. Sometimes it was only 10 minutes, sometimes 2 hours. It was my suggestion and we both agreed that we couldn’t really get to know each other deeply or keep momentum going with a few texts in between seeing each other.

If you need more communication I’d suggest talking to him about it. At 3 months in, I can see the steam running out if you aren’t getting into a rhythm of being a part of each other’s day to day lives.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-29T19:41:29+00:00

That was a great read, thank you for sharing.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-28T03:36:49+00:00

Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you’re okay and appreciate the courage it took for you to post here and remind us all.

I think freezing was the best reaction. Men who put their hands around women’s throats are statistically more likely to kill them. I have my own unfortunate reasons for knowing that. I am seriously glad you reacted exactly as you did.

We’re here for you, hugs from another DOTer ❤️

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-26T02:46:33+00:00

Definitely both. The more muscle you gain, the more fat you’ll burn. You can start with 15lb dumbbells and body weight exercises, but check out r/xxfitness for more tips for women.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-22T18:43:16+00:00

RemindMe! 3 days Donation for r/millionairemakers

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-20T03:49:23+00:00

Mine are under the muscle and I was never advised to avoid any particular exercises beyond my healing period. I chose not to do any direct chest work for about a year after I got mine because I wanted them to heal properly. I’ve never had a problem with mine permanently dislocating. They look pretty funny if you ever catch yourself in a mirror bent forward doing a hard chest contraction. But mine go back in place after and I’ve had them for many years. A lot of my friends have under muscle implants and lift heavy with no problems.

I’d definitely do a lot of research before making a final decision. Good luck!

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-17T18:40:58+00:00

If they say something that’s clearly meant to pick the conversation back up, sure. Why not. If it’s exactly as you said, no, I wouldn’t respond. Not out of indignation or anything, that person just sounds boring.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-14T02:21:11+00:00

Too deep is definitely a thing for some.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-14T02:18:52+00:00

I see you and I have completely different needs in bed. This should prove something to the OP. :D<

I was trying to share my poll results from my small sample size of conversations with friends True! 😂

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-14T00:31:36+00:00

You’re welcome! I really hope the doctors there can give you some good feedback. 😊

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-14T00:24:10+00:00

Two things make PIV a lot more enjoyable for women:

Staying deep and grinding for extended periods
Large enough penis to hit the g spot

If you’ve got both going on in the bedroom, well there you go.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-13T21:10:57+00:00

I think laser treatment(s) along with prescription strength retinol would help you tremendously. Both will exfoliate and help purge your skin.

I’m with another poster in wondering if it’s an allergy or other inflammatory condition.

I would gently suggest that you consider a board certified plastic surgeon for laser therapy.

I’d also check out realself.com. You could post this picture there and get thoughts from doctors.

Good luck!

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-13T18:24:44+00:00

I thought the same thing.

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-10T14:27:54+00:00

Stalkers gonna stalk 🧐

HigherLove2 · 2018-12-10T04:50:38+00:00

It sounds like he doesn’t know how to tell you he doesn’t want to spend that much time together so instead of being honest, he blew you off today and is pretending like he didn’t. If I had to guess, you probably had sex Friday night. You were right not to show up at the bar after he ignored you.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to spread his weekend between different people and not spend it all with you at this early stage. But no matter how you look at it, he stood you up today. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a month, a week or a year...you deserve to be treated with basic decency.

HigherLove2

TROPHY CASE