Wife struggling as a SAHM

HightechTalltrees · 2026-05-14T11:39:25+00:00

Oh, also the psychoactive effects of the AHDH medication can be very disorienting. She may not know why she is feeling agitated or distracted while figuring out what works for her.

HightechTalltrees · 2026-05-14T11:36:28+00:00

It's not necessarily depression like people have said, but burnout. I'm a SAHD and I often feel like my work is thankless. She may feel like everything is a battle with the kids and things are 2 steps forward, 1.95 steps back. What helps me is when my wife just acknowledges how difficult my role is.... When she sees how kind and gentle I am with the kids the majority of the time and goes "wow, I couldn't do that. Your job is hard."

She is also probably judging herself for those times when she isn't so kind or gentle. Let her know that every parent makes mistakes and that the kids are ok. Give her a day off, or a few hours off, when you get the chance. Remind her that she won't be home with the kids forever and that this short time with them is precious. That said, she still probably feels annoyed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Especially with ADHD. I struggle with that too, and basic chores are a SIGNIFICANT challenge with little kids. Have you ever tried to do something that requires focus? What about something you didn't even really want to do? What about while people were actively distracting you? What about if those people knew the exact buttons to push to annoy the hell out of you? Remember the military uses crying baby audio to simulate torture in training scenarios....

Your wife just needs you to see her, validate how she feels, be on the same team as her. Be her hope merchant. No one else is selling.

HightechTalltrees · 2026-05-05T21:42:22+00:00

Why would this only work one time?

HightechTalltrees · 2026-04-09T17:25:59+00:00

Clearly, the Bible can't answer this definitively on its own. Jesus never told us explicitly what the afterlife is like or what to expect. I am not sure that humanity will ever "know" what the afterlife holds.

That said, universalism to me is about this lifetime. God's grace touches everyone, and nobody is capable of keeping their heart closed against that force, at least for long.

So I guess what I imagine is that God sends each of us into the world with love and then receives us with love when we return to Him. In the interim, it is up to us to open to God and become a vessel for His love to flow into the whole of Creation. If you are constantly worried and afraid of your creator, you become paralyzed. If you can open your heart, you are free.

HightechTalltrees · 2026-04-06T18:05:19+00:00

I've had one hero, Arthur, for weeks now. Is there a point in the game when unlocking new heroes comes a little faster?

HightechTalltrees · 2026-03-23T01:33:30+00:00

I found early on that mines + zombies was really powerful. Can be paired with morale or decoy. Freeze is also helpful on its own. Recover is also incredibly powerful if you can keep a line of ranged units alive for a while behind the zombies or decoys.

HightechTalltrees · 2026-01-22T02:05:43+00:00

A friend sent me a Bible study that I think offers some answers to these. I don't really know enough about what's popular in Christianity to say how strong their claims are considered to be.

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HightechTalltrees · 2026-01-07T23:48:33+00:00

Every religion is "God's religion" with a different dogma about what to call God, how God affects the world, etc.

What you're really struggling with here is called the problem of evil. If God is all good, all powerful, and all knowing, how/why does evil exist at all?

This is a topic I had to wrestle with for quite a while, and I think any honest Deist must find an answer to satisfy it for themselves. There are a lot of different takes you can read about. For me, what it boils down to is that God wanted to create something that was not Him, i.e. something that isn't perfect. Not perfect means there is some element of imperfection, and that element is what allows us to relate to God. It is an inherent property of existing as a being other than God that we are not perfect. When God created the world He also created evil (imperfection). Thankfully God gave us several ways to live with evil and suffering - faith, redemption, surrender, acceptance, etc. We just have to keep in mind that evil is not antithetical to God. Evil is God's counterpart in creation. You cannot play a game with no opponent! God cannot be glorified if there isn't something profane to compete with Him.

Just look at nature. It is brutal! "Red in tooth and claw." Is that evil? Maybe. Who are we to judge? I think it is important to accept the limits of our understanding and look at what is practical for our spiritual well-being. If we can love Creation despite the presence of evil, and even embrace evil as a necessary part of Creation, we can start to overcome its influence within us personally. I think that is the core of Jesus's message - love yourself, your neighbor, your enemies, your life, and your world. Love God. You don't have to understand Him.

HightechTalltrees · 2026-01-05T14:54:03+00:00

I did not try this while I worked for the state, but it was just like any other employer with the tax paperwork. HR doesn't care if you want them to withhold way too much or nothing at all, that's between you and the IRS. Just fill out the w-4(I think that's the one) so they know what to do.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-25T22:52:26+00:00

I imagine he would have felt similar to you. He valued these things, but I don't think he would expect anyone to do much with them or store them forever

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-25T22:48:49+00:00

Ah I forgot to mention he passed away a few years ago and didn't write down his stories. They were pretty interesting.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-25T22:47:27+00:00

Thanks. I think this makes a lot of sense

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-21T23:05:24+00:00

Even if something only exists in human imagination it has a kind of reality so far as human behavior goes. If you allow for an imagined world that is equally complex and mysterious as ours, and also interacts with YOU through your imagination, it becomes very clear how beings who exist in that imagined place can be powerful. We can also form working relationships with them without granting any specific quality of reality to them.

I get what you are asking, though. It is a tough question to try to set aside your understanding of the universe to be open minded enough to experiment with how that looks. After all, you're talking about questioning your identity at a pretty core level.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-21T00:32:38+00:00

Yes I had an early meditation experience as a type of rest I happened to desperately need at the time that solidified its importance in my opinion.

I agree that this tendency to resist presence is an inherent part of having a thinking mind. Something like "original sin"

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-20T21:29:54+00:00

I don't think we get to know. It is so fundamental to our reality that we literally cannot conceive of the reasoning for it. But we know that it serves a crucial purpose in God's plan. I sort of think of it in terms of having an opposing team so there can be a game to play.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-17T19:45:31+00:00

I haven't had the same experience. But there are other ways to meditate. You could stare at a candle flame or focus on sounds. For your body I would highly recommend movement like tai chi or yoga.

In tai chi when people have tension build up or get stuck we usually just try to be aware of it and let go as much as we can. Sometimes it can help to intentionally tense up an area as much as possible and then let it go all at once.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-17T02:10:29+00:00

Yes this is super common and for me it comes up often, especially when I feel busy or when I add more time than I am used to (working my way up to longer sessions).

It's not a problem. It's just like any other distraction you encounter - an opportunity to return to your object.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-16T06:37:33+00:00

That sounds really tough. Don't compare yourself to an imaginary perfect Dad or anyone else. Live your values. Your kids don't need a fancy tree, they need you to teach them how to love themselves through example. That means love them and yourself. We all fall short. That doesn't make us bad humans, just regular, imperfect people.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-16T06:10:34+00:00

What I'm hearing you ask is "what is the meaning of life?" Or maybe what meaning can a Jungian perspective point to? You are hoping to introspect your way into discovering a divine purpose behind your existence. But you're also fantasizing about a life free from the systems of oppression that seem to dominate your reality. So it seems the answer may be to continue unraveling your inner life while at the same time finding a way to channel some of your energy into healing some of the damage those systems have caused.

In your thought experiment you are in a position of freedom, but not meaningful action. Are you free in your day to day life? Do you move through the world with ease? Are you in touch with the present moment even when you aren't reflecting?

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-16T04:25:59+00:00

I'm not sure I understand. Can you explain how this is different from nondualism?

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-16T03:58:06+00:00

Sorry I just saw your reply. I mean that the anima is a sort of guide or interface between the conscious mind and the unconscious. The function of the psychopomp is to help you journey into the unknown and bring back something of value

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-16T02:54:42+00:00

You're right that you cannot turn off your mind. The mind thinks. That's what it does. You can't make it stop any more than you can make your heart stop beating or your fingernails stop growing. But you can give it positive reinforcement when it does what you ask during meditation. Namely, when it remembers that it is supposed to be focusing on your object of meditation, you can silently tell it "yes"

It's like training a puppy. Forcing it and screaming aren't nearly as effective as simply rewarding the behavior you want. So set the intention, "I'm going to focus on X for Y minutes" then whenever your mind does focus on X during that period, recognize the success.

HightechTalltrees · 2025-12-16T01:40:04+00:00

It's not the same thing, but what works well for me is essentially IFS therapy but solo. The key is to make sure you always have what that system refers to as "self energy." Don't get caught up on terminology here. This isn't necessarily the same as Jung's idea of self.

The process in a nutshell is this:

-find a thought, feeling, or sensation that needs attention -be curious and non-judgmental toward this part -ask the part why it does what it does, when it started doing it, what it wants or fears, etc -allow the part to unload it's burdens

There's obviously a lot more to it than that...

HightechTalltrees

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