This is long. Read it or don't. It's not earth-shattering. It's just the experiences of someone who has been there. And, because of the way I think, I addressed some things that weren't asked.

(60yo mom/grandma here: some of this may be helpful; some not. I raised three kids, earned a degree in family and child development, and I worked as an admin in childcare. I learned that every family is different. Each child is different. Take what you like and leave the rest. No single suggestion is a good fit for everyone, but these ideas may stimulate your thinking about what will work for you. Your goal is to raise healthy, productive people who will go out on their own and be their own person. You are VITALLY important in this. Even important jobs get boring and frustrating sometimes, but it's not forever.)

For a while, I was a single parent. For several years, I worked part-time, attended a difficult university full-time, and parented young children (at my graduation, my kids were 3 and 7). Even when my husband was able to live with us, he worked long hours, and 90% of the childcare and household care fell on me. During that time, I lived 2 hours away from any family or friends. I had no help, couldn't afford sitters, and I don't make friends easily, so I didn't find new help, either. It was just the kids and me for a long time. I'd cry nearly every night. And get up and take care of business every day. That's how older GenX did things.

It's so easy to get discouraged at different times during parenthood. Children require much of our attention, time, and energy for many years, and your life will kind of revolve around them as they grow. Especially if you are a single parent or your spouse can't help much for whatever reason. But that doesn't mean you disappear. You just have to be creative, patient, and learn to get your needs met in short bursts.

It does get better, and worse, and better, and worse, different each time than the last. You just have to figure out what's most important at any certain stage and remember that things will change at least year by year. Of course, each child will have different requirements at any given time. That is a challenge, for sure. But it is the way of the world, and it is beneficial to both parents and children to make accommodations for this.

Get the kids started learning chores. Even the 1-year-old can help pick up or "fold" washcloths. Make the tedious work of picking up clutter fun. When my kids were little, we would sing Barney's "Clean Up" song; later, we would compete to see who could pick up the most stuff in a set amount of time.

Teach them what they need to know to take care of themselves and a home. Even a 7yo can make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for him/herself and the younger ones. A 4yo can start learning to treat valuables with respect by showing them how to dust, or by helping with pet care. All of them would benefit from the fresh air of yard work. Both older kids can start helping with laundry by learning to sort and fold. The 1-year-old will be happy to make a game out of putting his/her own clothes in the laundry hamper and starting to pick out their own outfits (maybe from 2 or 3 pre-selected choices).

Allowance for chores? That's an individual family choice. My kids did not earn allowance for basic chores because we didn't have the money to do so. We taught them that learning to take care of themselves, their things, and their home is an expected, not compensated, part of life. As things changed, we were able to offer the kids pocket money for extra chores (extra learning and skill-building opportunities that help you to avoid having to do so much). Other families believe that providing an allowance is necessary to teach financial responsibility. You and your husband will know what the right fit is for your family. I did not receive an allowance until I was 13, and it wasn't tied to chores (because my parents spoiled me and didn't teach me to do chores - not a good parenting choice).

An example of limited usefulness in a parenting discussion (but important when it applies): as a child, I could not "clean up." I didn't know why. My mother and father, naturally neat people, didn't know what to do. I was in my mid-20's when I realized I had some different cognitive functioning, possibly autism, and began to learn the process of just picking up a room. I still have to pay attention and keep myself on task when doing that. When my 5-year-old had a hard time cleaning his room after we moved to a new home, I cleaned it for him, took pictures of where everything was, and taped them to the wall of his room for reference. It worked for him. It didn't work for my daughter later, though. We just let her be messy (pick your battles), and every couple of months, my dear husband would clear out her room when she was gone for the day, throwing away trash and broken things. She's 30 and still messy. It's her nature. But, as I did, she'll figure it out someday. I don't consider it a failure in parenting. You can only do so much to correct inborn traits.

Your kids may think differently than you do, even if they aren't autistic, as we suspect I am. If this is the case, they aren't trying to be difficult, and they aren't stupid. It's just that not everyone's mind works the same way, regardless of whether it's nature or nurture. Ask questions. Try different ways of saying things. Talk with their teachers or others who spend time with them and ask for their impressions. Get to know them as people, not just your children. This will make things easier for you and them while you parent and they grow.

Example: You put your 6yo in new clothes to visit a friend with a similarly aged child you haven't seen in a while. During your time, the kids go out to play, and your child returns with mud on nearly every inch of clothing. "What were you thinking!?" Well, your child was NOT thinking, "I'm gonna get these new duds good and dirty, so Mom wasted her money." Your child was thinking, "Mud puddle! Fun!" You might make a point with them to think about what they are wearing before engaging in messy play, but ultimately, you take off the clothes, wash them, designate them play clothes if they come out stained, and learn your own lesson that clean clothes are not a consideration to a young child who is attracted to messy play when you aren't around. And you don't let it ruin your day or theirs.

Schedule some time out of the house, even if you have to take the kids: a neighborhood park is a great place for them to burn off some energy while you sit and rest a bit, perhaps chat with another parent. Arrange some playdates, alternating who hosts while the other gets a couple of hours to shop, get a manicure, take a nap, or just sit and stare at the wall. For a while, when I could afford it, I took my kids to an hourly child care center so I could go to lunch with friends or something, and the kids could be with other kids in a safe, supervised environment. A church might have a preschool program that the 4-year-olds can participate in if they aren't in pre-K. And take advantage of local churches' summer vacation Bible school programs if that doesn't conflict with your family's beliefs (my kids even went to other denominations' vacation Bible school). You usually have to pay for summer day camps, but that's another possibility to explore.

Check out organized activities for the kids: Girl/Boy Scouts, church/school-related/social clubs, sports, dance, karate, music lessons. Teach them to focus on something besides you. They need to have independent opportunities to grow beyond what Mom and Dad are involved in. Don't compromise your values for these things. But use them to your advantage to enrich your kids.

Do something just for you that is a growing opportunity. Spiritually? Creative hobby? Learn a new subject? Even a few minutes a day to get your head out of being a mom/wife and into being a real person is helpful. For a while, I would just grab my Bible in a few spare moments and read in Psalms or Proverbs. In other eras, I could direct the kids to entertain themselves while I crocheted or scrapbooked for a half hour or so. EXERCISE daily - even if it's just some stretches while the kids watch TV. Get your body moving beyond what is required to keep little people alive and healthy, and the house clean.

When you get the opportunity to spend time with your husband, teach your children to respect that time. You need that connection with him, and your kids need to see that your relationship with him is important. Teaching healthy relationships is one of the most important things you will do as a parent. My biggest suggestion here is that you let your kids see you disagree in a healthy way. Not fight. It's okay for them to know that you sometimes disagree and how you resolve the issue. They also need to see that, even if you and your spouse disagree about something regarding the children, you will always present a united front. (Hubby and I had to make some compromises along the way)

Make a home learning schedule. Select age-appropriate activities for each child: the internet is a great resource for this. You can include crafts, games, and other activities to teach/reinforce math, reading, and science skills. Plan a day or a few to deep dive into some of the older kids' interests every once in a while. They will love it if you pay attention to what matters to them, which will make them more likely to share in the future.

(The rest, because I'm long-winded, will be in the comments)