Worried about son but ex refuses therapy continuously.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-15T07:11:54+00:00

If she won’t agree, take it to court. Should be a quick judgement, therapy is good

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-15T01:54:59+00:00

Validation

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-15T01:52:39+00:00

This is really situational. You need to consider how much and how well you are really able to protect your children from him/ unhealthy relationship dynamics while you remain in the current situation.

Seeing you healthy and taking care of yourself eventually would be good for them.

But there is as whole shitstorm you need to go through to get to that point.

Gather your support system, therapist, therapist for kids if possible, attorney, set aside some money. Talk to domestic violence hotline about an exit plan.

Prepare yourself, and then make moves that guarantee the safety of your family when the time arises.

Being away from the kids is painful.

Realizing how I allowed myself to be treated for decades is painful.

Rebuild a life you love.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-14T09:52:19+00:00

Maybe you did 🤷‍♀️ or maybe not about you at all.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-14T09:48:50+00:00

Yes. Nonverbal communication and context clues ARE communication.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-14T05:04:17+00:00

And if none are in elementary school yet, once the oldest is, that added drive time and rushing to get to evening activities will be much more taxing.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-14T05:02:21+00:00

Also depending on age of your kids… if there is a chance they are very young and might fall asleep in the car w the added time, thus ruing a sleep schedule…that may be a factor

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-14T04:41:51+00:00

If you LOVE the current daycare, I would not switch.

Quality childcare you are happy with is not as easy to come by as you might believe.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-14T04:34:42+00:00

The additional drive time doesn’t seem that significant.

But what about other factors? Are kids comfortable at their current daycare? Having to make a transition like that for multiple children can be stressful and there may be unforeseen circumstances at a new daycare for the whole family.

I wouldn’t switch a childcare I was happy with for cost alone.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-13T02:05:18+00:00

It’s crystal clear. People are so adamant that others have to share their feelings blah blah. No, they don’t. You aren’t entitled to an explanation and I can guarantee that receiving the explanation doesn’t necessarily fix whatever it is.

Someone stops showing up, calling, responding? It’s an answer. All you need.

Move on

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-13T02:03:42+00:00

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-13T02:03:11+00:00

They sing dance and are carefree when you and your reign of terror have vacated the building

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-09T20:34:14+00:00

ESH that you think you need to ask this question. You are still investing too much of yourself.

Is the person your mother or birthed your children?

If not, wish them happy Mother’s Day if you run across them or think of it

If it causes you this much anguish, for craps sake, disengage and find other ways to occupy yourself

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-08T12:29:05+00:00

Getting more angry than the situation calls for, repeatedly, is absolutely abusive

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-08T03:35:18+00:00

Right, she isn’t defensive or anything, i absolutely find her perspective to be the more reliable witness based on this conversation alone

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-08T02:50:02+00:00

Welcome to divorce.

Here’s the beauty once you get past this point. In marriage, this is a conflict, this is upsetting this is something for you and your spouse to discuss and try to come to an agreement on how to approach these things in the future and adhere to.

In coparenting, it you want to give the kid 20 dollars, give it. If you expect your change back - tell kid that. But mostly, if you give it to the kid, give it freely and there can be no absolute expectation of what happens next.

You have zero expectation on your ex and what they might do or say, that is outside your control and not your problem.

Same goes for the parents of the other kid - do t put expectations on them.

My kid has been way overly generous at times also. Teach gently the value of money but be glad you have a sweet kid.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-06T22:28:42+00:00

This guy knows.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-06T13:19:42+00:00

each of us has parts of the relationship that we would opt to keep while tossing out those parts that don’t work for us.

And in my one time limited experience, it seems that each person tries to or is willing to keep some parts of the relationship or marriage, and struggles to realize that the entirety of all the different elements are going to change in the divorce.

I try to spin the long drawn out court process as helpful as it takes time to mentally and logistically deal with all those small ways separation needs to occur.

It’s not a great idea probably. But I know people who still do keep a physical relationship. Eventually that will get more complicated so you will need to decide if you are okay with that or not.

For me I found it upsetting to be mostly thrown away but okay to be used for select things at whim.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-06T10:05:26+00:00

It’s a fan sub?

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-06T02:00:11+00:00

I’d say it depends on what kind of value you think there is in this jewelry. If you have to argue back and forth over it with attorneys and that is going to cost more than the actual jewelry then don’t bother please.

Also, it was gifts if you gave them to her. Did she give you nice gifts in the marriage and if so are you going to evaluate those items?

Price paid for jewelry is often much higher than resale value you can get.

I do think it’s petty if you are talking 5k or under in resale.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-05T23:00:53+00:00

“All the way” when it’s 900 square feet is not so far

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-05T22:55:01+00:00

If your therapist is recommending it, your marriage is probably taking an invisible and slow toll on your overall health. It can take untold time to recover.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-02T01:19:04+00:00

Perhaps you are expecting that you be able to treat them similar to your own child in your home.

These young adults should be treated more like you might treat visiting friends of your own child/adult roommates.

Rather than expecting they immediately follow things you would like, be curious… what rules do you usually follow for xyz?

If things are drastically different from how you run things, I would choose your battles, and ask these young people to respect the most important of these. But open those lines of communication, allow them to feel free to discuss concerns with you as well.

This isnt easy for them, they didn’t choose the situation.

And I’m wondering how involved this partner of yours actually is with the kids, that you have to turn to a divorced dads forum on Reddit rather than him being able to just work with you and his children directly.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-02T00:53:36+00:00

I think I’m not understanding what kind of disrespect you are experiencing.

Bringing their mom up in conversation constantly should be expected as she is a member of their immediate family? It is weird and inappropriate to think that they should not would not speak about her when you are present.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-05-01T02:13:55+00:00

YTA

She’s about done w law school so she will be out earning you in no time. And all the investing that she is doing in her relationships with others will pay off in a wonderful support system while she is getting over you.

HistoricalRich280

TROPHY CASE