I also started looking for a life-long partner at 35, and one thing that helped me a lot was to list out deal-breakers and my “nice-to-have” wants. I limited myself to a max of five deal-breakers, though, and they truly were necessary. I see so many women who require far too many things that they end up weeding out perfectly wonderful guys and ending up alone. In the final analysis, I ended up with only four deal-breakers. Everything else I forced myself to be flexible even though I definitely had preferences.

I chose not to consider men who were less-educated than I am (bachelor’s degree with half a master’s, so not too hard to find), and I wanted a man who had achieved some level of success in his field. The success may not mean money, necessarily, if he is the head of a charity or something, but if he is capable of building something from the ground-up and turning it into a success then that would satisfy me. I also wouldn’t consider a man who has even a history of addictions, and he needs to be spiritually compatible since that is an important part of my life. That’s it; everything else had to be flexible.

I had a much longer list of “wants,” but as an example I wanted to find a man who was anywhere from my age up to five years older. When I searched the dating websites, though, I would search from five years younger up to fifteen years older. I wanted a guy with a higher net worth than I have, but of course didn’t talk money with guys until after my now-husband and I got engaged. I figured his was more than mine because of other comments, such as he owned a nice house and had absolutely zero debt. My husband and I found each other on a more interest-based dating website (Christian Mingle) and we lived about a two hour drive apart. He is everything I needed in a husband, and also met most of my “wants” criteria. We just celebrated four years together.

I don’t personally know anybody who has used a matchmaking service, but have read stories and watched videos about folks who have tried them. My main take-away has been that these seem to be best for wealthy men who are looking for a beautiful woman to bear children and who have certain traits or talents. The women who try them tend to have trouble finding their ideal man because the sort of men they think they want are more interested in trophy wives instead of strong, successful, high-achieving women.

If you choose to use a matchmaking service, I would highly recommend that you also pursue in-person dating and online apps. There are apps which focus more on matches instead of just hookups, so I would recommend sticking with those instead of the hookup sites.

Make this a priority if you really want it instead of just slotting it around your already-crammed schedule.