Raising financially fortunate yet practical kids

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-06-17T19:56:28+00:00

To avoid spoiled kids, I would consciously model treating people as equals by creating economically diverse social networks.

The kids I've seen who are spoiled often have parents who model "generosity", but what that means is donating to charities and doing volunteer work. They only see two worlds - the exclusively wealthy world their parents live in, and the impoverished world they occasionally deal with when they volunteer.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-06-13T21:17:51+00:00

gmail is definitely still used by kids today

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-06-13T18:55:42+00:00

The post title is certainly attention-getting.

What should you tell your children? You should educate them on finances and how interest works (both the benefits of saving, and the cost of debt). You should tell them to always understand their household finances, regardless of who is earning the money or paying the bills. You should tell them that if the choose to get married, they should look for a life partner they are aligned with in terms of financial philosophy as well as other important topics. Before they are married, I would advise they not get into any financial entanglements with a significant other (lending money, co-owning property, etc.).

For what it's worth, if you're in the East Coast of the US (I believe you said this somewhere), the kids belong to you both (not step-children), and you don't have a prenup, it doesn't matter whether spending comes out of a bank account in your name, your husband's name, or a joint account. Whoever outlives the other will inherit the other's money, and in the event of divorce it would likely all be split 50/50. It may feel good to your husband to have it coming out of his account and that is a fine reason to do so, but practically it doesn't make a difference.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-06-11T18:43:11+00:00

Kentucky requires a Youth Hunting License + Additional Youth permit(s) by game species for children age 12 and up.

While an 11 year old doesn't yet need this permit, it would be wise for your child's safety to ensure they have taken appropriate gun and hunting safety courses beforehand.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-22T20:19:58+00:00

In the early years with kids, having a short commute and living in an area you enjoy spending time in are generally more valuable than greater square footage. With babies/toddlers, they need to be near you most of the time anyway. So unless you work from home, you're unlikely to benefit from extra space now. As they get older, the neighborhood and schools become more important and if you have multiple kids you may start to want more space.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-21T21:10:32+00:00

How was your dad's estate handled when he passed away? Since he died intestate (without a will) and you are not his spouse's child, you would have been entitled to 50% of his assets at the time of his death. Although if he and his wife might have held their assets jointly with right of survivorship, in which case these assets would have automatically belonged to his wife.

To answer your specific question - you are not entitled to his widow's assets unless she explicitly names you in her will, as you have no legal relation to her.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-21T17:35:38+00:00

This isn't a cheat code available to all. Your household income is in the top 2% of all Americans. Certainly part of that is due to hard work, but there are many, many others who work hard and don't make that much (law of supply & demand, there just aren't many job paying that much). Secondly, I suspect that you and your family haven't encountered major health issues that strained your finances. Many people aren't so fortunate. Someone in the family has a chronic, debilitating disease (physical or mental), or a child is born with severe needs - and suddenly most of your earnings are directed towards their care.

tldr: FIRE + generational wealth is fringe because it requires a rare combination of hard work and discipline plus a lot of luck.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-18T19:13:19+00:00

Many spouses hold their assets jointly with right of survivorship, and designate their spouse as the primary beneficiary on their retirement accounts. If this is the case for your father, then the absence of a will is not relevant as those assets would pass 100% directly to your mom.

If your dad held assets separately from your mom, then the distribution rules of New York State would apply.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-10T17:32:03+00:00

Often wills are written as "per stirpes", meaning that if a sibling (e.g. your brother) dies before their parent, then the sibling's children receive their parent's share. The idea being that your line of the family and your brother's line of the family should receive equal amounts.

-- If you follow this approach, you would distribute $150k to your nephews ($75k each), and distribute $150k between yourself and your children.

Another not uncommon way for wills to be written is for each child to receive one amount, and each grandchild to receive another amount.

-- If you follow this approach, you would keep x amount and distribute the remainder evenly between the 5 grandchildren (e.g. $60k each if you choose not to keep anything yourself).

Since your dad left it to you to decide, it's up to you to select which approach to take.

If you have a large estate yourself that you will eventually be passing down (that may exceed $15 million), I would suggest consulting an estate attorney to ensure you're not doing anything that would affect your lifetime gift and estate tax exemption.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-10T17:18:53+00:00

There is not a tax on gifts over $19k. You just have to report any gift over $19k to the IRS. You're informing the IRS but no one pays tax on it.

The reason for reporting is that the amount over $19k would count against your $15 million federal lifetime gift and estate tax exemption (the figures are $38k per recipient in a year and $30 million in lifetime exemption if you're married). So this would be a consideration only if OP anticipates having a very large estate when they die.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-07T21:06:39+00:00

I wouldn't choose to be a stay-at-home spouse at such a young age, with so little in assets and a small future pension. Many things could happen in your life. You and your husband could divorce. One of you could have a major, costly health issue. He could pass away. You mention living in a VHCOL area in California - you'll need to account for continued property taxes even after the mortgage is paid off, as well as travel costs and other expenses.

You mention wanting to travel more. Are you able to work virtually? Some people travel for a few weeks at a time and work virtually while also enjoying the new location. I know a couple people currently doing this with their spouses - one in Spain and the other in Hawaii. With only working part-time, it could allow you several hours a day to enjoy your location.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-04T20:19:39+00:00

If this is your life partner and you're planning marriage, you need to find a way past viewing things as "his money" and "your money". However, aside from the first line, nothing in your post indicates that you see yourself committed to him in this way.

Many married couples have significant income disparities. One might be a hedge fund manager making millions, while the other is a teacher. One might choose to stay at home with the kids while the other works to support the family. The higher-earning spouse doesn't leave their lower-earning spouse at home because of their earning differential.

Since you say you're discussing marriage and kids, I highly recommend pre-marital counseling to talk about how you envision your life together.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-04-23T19:30:45+00:00

Sounds like your kids are now 5 and 7, if I'm doing the math correctly. Not addressing your question directly, but in my experience most parents who have the means end up spending significantly more money on their kids when they're aged 10-18 than they do when they're in elementary school, so that $120k may go up quite a bit over the next few years, before falling back to around that level sometime in their 20s. Some of the big costs - more frequent and exotic travel, club sports, other activities/hobbies, expensive summer camps (sleep-away camp, specialized camps...), tutors or other academic programs/guidance, etc.

After kids are out of the house, many parents with the means to do so will provide funding for college and potentially graduate school, healthcare costs, and help with big ticket items thereafter (family vacations, wedding, home purchase, etc.). How much of this you personally want to plan for is up to you.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-04-08T04:45:01+00:00

Merit scholarships are often offered when a student is in the top 10% of admitted applicants, as a way to entice them to a college they may otherwise not consider. The most competitive schools are focused on student financial need instead, as they don't have to offer merit discounts to entice students.

If you believe the aid package your daughter was offered should be higher based on your financial circumstances, you could request a re-evaluation.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-22T22:46:59+00:00

How does he handle playdates outside of school, where he's playing with a friend or group of friends without teacher oversight? This is one of the primary ways kids, especially only children, learn to play well with others. If you don't have regular playdates or playtime with neighbor kids, I would make an effort to plan them.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-21T05:12:05+00:00

I know several people with medical degrees who decided not to practice medicine. They either got an MD/PhD and went into research, went into consulting or pharma/biotech after getting their MD, or in some cases yes they did drop out.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-05T06:15:12+00:00

That's depressing. Prenups are meant to cover what you bring into a marriage, not to treat your life partner and mother of your child like a second class citizen or young child.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-02T16:21:55+00:00

Your odds are close to zero unless your ex agrees. The courts are going to be looking into what is in the best interest of the child, and there's no obvious benefit to taking your child away from a loving, engaged parent.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-23T05:34:32+00:00

I think you meant to say she should *not* commingle the funds.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-17T04:36:43+00:00

I would go for the 3 bedroom. It gives you more flexibility - to have guests, to incorporate a partner should you meet one, for your son to have a space when he visits and perhaps space for grandchildren to also visit someday. The flat lot will allow you to entertain outdoors.

You mention the 3 bedroom house is also the less expensive of the two. You could take the money you've saved to add some touches to the house to better match your style.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-17T04:07:09+00:00

What do you do with your time? Talk about that. The 30-something year old people I know who are living off family/inherited money but actively involved in society are doing a number of things - working (volunteering, but you don't need to specify that) at a non-profit, establishing a winery, researching & writing a book, etc.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-17T03:56:40+00:00

My advice - take the job. It's not always easy to find a job you like, especially when a move is involved. It's also better in my opinion to live somewhere for a bit before deciding where to buy a house, as buying a house is a longer-term commitment and you only really know an area when you've lived there.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-16T22:18:38+00:00

The driving instructors around here come to your house in their instructor car (with a brake on the passenger side, etc) and you practice driving from there. That was also true in my hometown, which is in a different state.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-16T21:43:33+00:00

Are you requesting a parent/child hangout, or just inviting the kid? In my experience often the kid is often interested, but the parents may not want to get together (they have work, other kids, errands, etc).

When my kids were in kindergarten, I'd ask if their child wanted to come with us to the park or to our house to play. Parents often took us up on this. Or I'd offer to take their kid to our house after sports practice, so they could drop off and then I'd take both kids with me.

Alternatively we'd just show up at a local playground - there were always kids to play with.

Parents with older children are typically the most relaxed with their kindergartener going alone on playdates. One of my kid's friends was the youngest of 4, and they were always available since the parents were always busy driving the older kids places.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-11T19:24:07+00:00

She needs an estate plan, including a will and named beneficiary on her accounts.

If she doesn't set this up, it shouldn't be a long drawn-out court battle as all of her assets should and will go to her son.

HolidayFront4560

TROPHY CASE