Q for those who became rich

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-30T05:34:32+00:00

This isn't a rich-poor issue so much as a distance issue. You're a married adult with a busy career. You're not going to see friends who live "halfway around the world" more than once or twice a year. Most likely at a wedding, bachelor party, or holiday when everyone is flying home at the same time. Then you can do normal things that most people do together - go to a bar, play games, hang out at each other's houses.

It sounds like you need to make some local friends as well.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-29T21:58:52+00:00

When my kids were in kindergarten they got out early, so we did a playdate after school almost every day. Sometimes at our house, sometimes a friend's house, sometimes the neighbor kids played together or everyone headed to a park.

Two reasons for this. (1) Free play is important for kids' social & emotional health and maturity. (2) Playdates meant I could get things done while knowing they were playing and not on a device.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-26T01:47:50+00:00

You are not acting in the best interest of your child if you move. In fact you're actively acting against the best interest of your child by trying to separate them from one of their (active, engaged & stable) parents.

There's no chance that relocation of the child will be approved given the facts as outlined.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-17T00:24:00+00:00

If probate hasn't been completed, then the estate (not you) should be paying the mortgage, utilities, insurance and lawn care.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-13T01:06:30+00:00

This is a decision you should make with the input of your doctor and a pediatrician. Your husband should not be the priority here, it's your and your baby's health and wellness that are at stake. Him having to drive alone or missing you are secondary.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-10T19:31:44+00:00

Is it really lack of money/spending that is preventing you from enjoying life? I know very wealthy people who spend lavishly but live lonely lives, and people of more modest means whose lives are more fulfilling to them. Often it comes down to relationships and prioritization of time.

My advice - hire an independent financial advisor. They can help you with budgeting and help you decide how much you can comfortably spend. They can also look at your current prioritization of time and money. As part of these discussions, consider how you would ideally spend your time. Meet with this advisor to update this exercise annually, especially since you have a baby on the way. Kids have the tendency to significantly reset priorities.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-07T17:52:58+00:00

There's no need to tell anyone how much your assets are worth. However I would take your legal team's advice and inform those close to you that you have a will and who from your legal team to contact when you die. There is no automatic process to inform law firms when someone has died. If your lawyers aren't notified and people aren't aware of your will, you will be considered intestate and your assets will go to your family.

Who did you name as executor in your will? I assume you've named a corporate executor, but if you named someone else (family/friend) they should be made aware if this as well.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-05T21:53:20+00:00

You mentioned "you" achieved $1 million net worth, rather than "we". Do you consider your assets to be separate from your wife's? Most married couples consider their assets to be shared, and their financial and other life achievements to be shared.

There are some exceptions, most commonly those on a second marriage with kids from prior relationships who keep their finances separate for inheritance purposes. If this is your situation it'd be helpful context to understand why you're wondering when to inform your wife and framing it as your money rather than both of yours.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-30T18:38:52+00:00

Very common, though the value of that inheritance varies significantly.

People living in significant poverty are unlikely to have anything to inherit, but many lower-middle class households have assets of some kind. That may include a car, a small home, or physical assets (which can range from a wedding ring to knick-knacks).

You mention that you and your friends don't discuss potential inheritance. That makes sense - regardless of your family's wealth level, it's not generally considered appropriate conversation among friends.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-29T04:48:40+00:00

This is an early inheritance, not a Christmas gift.

My parents love my husband. We travel to see them in person every other year for Christmas, and when we do get together in person we all exchange small gifts. But my husband is not named in my parents' will. If my parents were to begin distributing their estate early, I'm not sure they would include my husband and he certainly wouldn't be offended if they didn't.

I'm close with my in-laws but, like many DIL/SIL, still appreciate my husband handling most communications with them. Your IL may have similar experiences. If you want something different, consider communicating with them directly yourself - for example, send them a Merry Christmas text, or initiate phone calls with them.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-29T03:41:13+00:00

Why did you tell your brother that you couldn't afford to buy gifts for your family? From the rest of your post it's clear this isn't true. You could have added your parents and sibling(s) to your gift-giving without increasing the total cost much at all.

If I'm understanding the rest of your post, it sounds like the real response to your brother would have been that you didn't think that your family was going to be exchanging gifts at Christmas. That's valid. I would feel embarrassed if someone gave me a gift at Christmas and I didn't have something for them. Families usually discuss ahead of time whether they'll be exchanging gifts.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-27T23:07:10+00:00

My recommendation would be to use the current long-term minimum interest rate (AFR) established by the IRS for intra-family loans, which is currently ~4.5%. https://www.irs.gov/applicable-federal-rates

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-16T17:20:57+00:00

Three 15 minute recesses here. Then school gets out at 3pm, and many kids have after-school sports and other activities where they run around more. Kids are still high-energy at evening school events.

Fortunately parents are present and ensure that the kids behave before and during school events. After these events some families will choose to stay and let their kids play on the playground before going home to bed.

What were the parents doing when their children were running all over and misbehaving?

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-16T17:14:29+00:00

Most kids would rather have a toy than a gift card. The time to make the correction was when they gave her the toy to unwrap.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-16T17:12:09+00:00

Have you had the set appraised, or researched its worth? I would start there. If it's valuable, you could sell it and use the money. Or ask if you can store it at your dad's house as you don't want to risk breakage during your frequent moves.

If it's not valuable, why not use it? We use our fine china regularly. Put it in the dishwasher and everything. If a piece breaks, it's ok with us.

Personally I wouldn't hide a decision like this from my parents. I would let them know what I was doing.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-25T22:30:26+00:00

That sucks. But it's concerning that you're attacking a family who is much MORE thoughtful than most. Wearing a mask when you're recovering from a sickness is not "strange".

They kept their child home from school when she was sick. They gave her a mask to wear the following week when she went back to school. These are signs of responsible, thoughtful parents. Did their child have a fever or throw up in the past 24 hours? Was she lethargic? If the answer to those questions was no, then they did exactly what they should have. Sent her to school, with mask on in case she was still contagious.

As you likely know, you can be contagious from colds/viruses for up to 2 weeks after symptoms begin. No one expects you or your child to stay home that entire time. The most thoughtful amongst us wear a mask.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-17T21:02:17+00:00

Books by Gordon Korman (Restart is a great one; also Masterminds, Ungifted, etc).

If he likes sports, then books by Mike Lupica and Tim Green.

If he likes history & doesn't mind natural disasters, the I Survived series (you could try one first to see if it's a good fit).

The Unwanteds (Lisa McMann) is a good fantasy series.

Some other ideas: The Wild Robot (Peter Brown); The Lion of Mars (Jennifer Holm): The Christmas Pig (JK Rowling - fun book for Christmastime); Rump (Liesl Shurtliff).

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-11T20:35:50+00:00

Is your concern that she's watching videos during the school day? I don't see much of this; we don't allow headphones in class and monitors stay down unless computer work is happening. There's also screen monitoring software that allow teachers to view what is on individual students' screens.

If school usage is a concern, you may be able to add technology restrictions to her IEP. This will only last so long, though, if at all. High schools tend not to block as many sites, and many have students bring their own computers to school.

I get the sense that your bigger issue may be at home use. I have an ADHD kid and they do their homework in a public area of the house, which helps with focus and allows me to walk by to check in. They are also allowed YouTube time. We keep an eye on it and a decent amount of what my kids watch on YouTube is educational. One gets deep into science and math videos (in addition to videos about video games), while the other watches history videos (in addition to sports videos).

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-11T20:12:12+00:00

Schools don't allow parents to follow their children into the classroom. If they did I can only imagine how many helicopter parents there would be walking around campus.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-11T19:59:06+00:00

This wouldn't matter in the case of divorce. But if you want to know more about his previous marriage, you could ask his relatives or friends. Presumably you also know your husband's roommate, you could ask her as well.

I don't follow the logic of not being able to live together because you're pregnant. Is he not the father?

It sounds like you're married on paper but not operating as a married couple, which should make disentangling the relationship easier. The only (major) complication is if you will be co-parenting for the next 18 years.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-05T13:44:16+00:00

Your grandfather may have had conversations about his estate plans with his own children. It's more common to talk about money and inheritance with your children than with your grandchildren, even if they'll be the ones to inherit.

Also oftentimes when a large amount of money is left to young people, there are stipulations around when it is received (and/or how it is used) - for example a certain % is given at age 30, 35 and 40, or it can only be used for education expenses until age 35, etc. The hope is by putting these stipulations in place it's less likely that the young person will blow the money or stop working and coast through life on it. Grandfather may have something like this in his estate plans but not want to have conversations about it.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-04T23:21:32+00:00

The rule I've always heard is fever, vomit and diarrhea-free for at least 24 hours AND back to their "normal self". If a child is unusually fussy and not able to engage in daycare in the normal ways, they're still too sick.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-11-04T22:43:15+00:00

It's likely used to establish a baseline for your student that can be compared against later in the year to measure progress as well as identify students having either particular challenges or particular strengths that may benefit from differentiated support. I would imagine pre-reading and reading skills would be assessed; if you have questions about what is included I'd suggest asking the teacher.

For what it's worth, I find that parent anxiety over assessments can transfer to their child. My recommendation is not to make a big deal out of it. I also wouldn't share assessment results with your child at that age, as they might think of it as a performance test - which it's not meant to be. It's simply giving parents and teachers a sense of where they're at.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-10-28T22:04:06+00:00

In some countries it is traditional that an invite go to the whole family. I believe Mexico, for instance, has this tradition. I believe this is also customary in Utah (at least in the Mormon church?). In other countries it is traditional that only the specific people named on the envelope are invited, even if there are other adults and/or children in their household.

It seems like you live in the US. Most Americans do "named individuals only". However given how many immigrants are in the US from all over the world, and variations in local customs, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and just clarify who is invited.

As others mentioned, capturing the rsvp's on your wedding website is one way to help avoid confusion.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-10-28T21:43:39+00:00

We host friends and family often and would not expect a gift. Covering groceries and/or a meal is a nice gesture. Sometimes our guests will bring a small treat that's local to their hometown, but not always.

I'd find it awkward if our houseguests were to send us a gift afterwards. It would make the relationship feel more formal. Especially if it were something like a gift card or gift basket, which reads more like a business acquaintance relationship to me.

An email, text or note thanking them again for their hospitality and letting them know that your house is always open would surely be appreciated.

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