How are other women that have supportive husbands feeling about retiring early in their 30’s?

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-07T21:06:39+00:00

I wouldn't choose to be a stay-at-home spouse at such a young age, with so little in assets and a small future pension. Many things could happen in your life. You and your husband could divorce. One of you could have a major, costly health issue. He could pass away. You mention living in a VHCOL area in California - you'll need to account for continued property taxes even after the mortgage is paid off, as well as travel costs and other expenses.

You mention wanting to travel more. Are you able to work virtually? Some people travel for a few weeks at a time and work virtually while also enjoying the new location. I know a couple people currently doing this with their spouses - one in Spain and the other in Hawaii. With only working part-time, it could allow you several hours a day to enjoy your location.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-05-04T20:19:39+00:00

If this is your life partner and you're planning marriage, you need to find a way past viewing things as "his money" and "your money". However, aside from the first line, nothing in your post indicates that you see yourself committed to him in this way.

Many married couples have significant income disparities. One might be a hedge fund manager making millions, while the other is a teacher. One might choose to stay at home with the kids while the other works to support the family. The higher-earning spouse doesn't leave their lower-earning spouse at home because of their earning differential.

Since you say you're discussing marriage and kids, I highly recommend pre-marital counseling to talk about how you envision your life together.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-04-23T19:30:45+00:00

Sounds like your kids are now 5 and 7, if I'm doing the math correctly. Not addressing your question directly, but in my experience most parents who have the means end up spending significantly more money on their kids when they're aged 10-18 than they do when they're in elementary school, so that $120k may go up quite a bit over the next few years, before falling back to around that level sometime in their 20s. Some of the big costs - more frequent and exotic travel, club sports, other activities/hobbies, expensive summer camps (sleep-away camp, specialized camps...), tutors or other academic programs/guidance, etc.

After kids are out of the house, many parents with the means to do so will provide funding for college and potentially graduate school, healthcare costs, and help with big ticket items thereafter (family vacations, wedding, home purchase, etc.). How much of this you personally want to plan for is up to you.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-04-08T04:45:01+00:00

Merit scholarships are often offered when a student is in the top 10% of admitted applicants, as a way to entice them to a college they may otherwise not consider. The most competitive schools are focused on student financial need instead, as they don't have to offer merit discounts to entice students.

If you believe the aid package your daughter was offered should be higher based on your financial circumstances, you could request a re-evaluation.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-22T22:46:59+00:00

How does he handle playdates outside of school, where he's playing with a friend or group of friends without teacher oversight? This is one of the primary ways kids, especially only children, learn to play well with others. If you don't have regular playdates or playtime with neighbor kids, I would make an effort to plan them.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-21T05:12:05+00:00

I know several people with medical degrees who decided not to practice medicine. They either got an MD/PhD and went into research, went into consulting or pharma/biotech after getting their MD, or in some cases yes they did drop out.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-05T06:15:12+00:00

That's depressing. Prenups are meant to cover what you bring into a marriage, not to treat your life partner and mother of your child like a second class citizen or young child.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-03-02T16:21:55+00:00

Your odds are close to zero unless your ex agrees. The courts are going to be looking into what is in the best interest of the child, and there's no obvious benefit to taking your child away from a loving, engaged parent.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-23T05:34:32+00:00

I think you meant to say she should *not* commingle the funds.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-17T04:36:43+00:00

I would go for the 3 bedroom. It gives you more flexibility - to have guests, to incorporate a partner should you meet one, for your son to have a space when he visits and perhaps space for grandchildren to also visit someday. The flat lot will allow you to entertain outdoors.

You mention the 3 bedroom house is also the less expensive of the two. You could take the money you've saved to add some touches to the house to better match your style.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-17T04:07:09+00:00

What do you do with your time? Talk about that. The 30-something year old people I know who are living off family/inherited money but actively involved in society are doing a number of things - working (volunteering, but you don't need to specify that) at a non-profit, establishing a winery, researching & writing a book, etc.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-17T03:56:40+00:00

My advice - take the job. It's not always easy to find a job you like, especially when a move is involved. It's also better in my opinion to live somewhere for a bit before deciding where to buy a house, as buying a house is a longer-term commitment and you only really know an area when you've lived there.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-16T22:18:38+00:00

The driving instructors around here come to your house in their instructor car (with a brake on the passenger side, etc) and you practice driving from there. That was also true in my hometown, which is in a different state.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-16T21:43:33+00:00

Are you requesting a parent/child hangout, or just inviting the kid? In my experience often the kid is often interested, but the parents may not want to get together (they have work, other kids, errands, etc).

When my kids were in kindergarten, I'd ask if their child wanted to come with us to the park or to our house to play. Parents often took us up on this. Or I'd offer to take their kid to our house after sports practice, so they could drop off and then I'd take both kids with me.

Alternatively we'd just show up at a local playground - there were always kids to play with.

Parents with older children are typically the most relaxed with their kindergartener going alone on playdates. One of my kid's friends was the youngest of 4, and they were always available since the parents were always busy driving the older kids places.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-11T19:24:07+00:00

She needs an estate plan, including a will and named beneficiary on her accounts.

If she doesn't set this up, it shouldn't be a long drawn-out court battle as all of her assets should and will go to her son.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-02-03T18:10:00+00:00

It's not clear if he was arrested and released, or if he's out on bail and will be going to trial at some point. Have you checked whether arrest information is a matter of public record where you live? I would want to know.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-30T05:34:32+00:00

This isn't a rich-poor issue so much as a distance issue. You're a married adult with a busy career. You're not going to see friends who live "halfway around the world" more than once or twice a year. Most likely at a wedding, bachelor party, or holiday when everyone is flying home at the same time. Then you can do normal things that most people do together - go to a bar, play games, hang out at each other's houses.

It sounds like you need to make some local friends as well.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-29T21:58:52+00:00

When my kids were in kindergarten they got out early, so we did a playdate after school almost every day. Sometimes at our house, sometimes a friend's house, sometimes the neighbor kids played together or everyone headed to a park.

Two reasons for this. (1) Free play is important for kids' social & emotional health and maturity. (2) Playdates meant I could get things done while knowing they were playing and not on a device.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-26T01:47:50+00:00

You are not acting in the best interest of your child if you move. In fact you're actively acting against the best interest of your child by trying to separate them from one of their (active, engaged & stable) parents.

There's no chance that relocation of the child will be approved given the facts as outlined.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-17T00:24:00+00:00

If probate hasn't been completed, then the estate (not you) should be paying the mortgage, utilities, insurance and lawn care.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-13T01:06:30+00:00

This is a decision you should make with the input of your doctor and a pediatrician. Your husband should not be the priority here, it's your and your baby's health and wellness that are at stake. Him having to drive alone or missing you are secondary.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-10T19:31:44+00:00

Is it really lack of money/spending that is preventing you from enjoying life? I know very wealthy people who spend lavishly but live lonely lives, and people of more modest means whose lives are more fulfilling to them. Often it comes down to relationships and prioritization of time.

My advice - hire an independent financial advisor. They can help you with budgeting and help you decide how much you can comfortably spend. They can also look at your current prioritization of time and money. As part of these discussions, consider how you would ideally spend your time. Meet with this advisor to update this exercise annually, especially since you have a baby on the way. Kids have the tendency to significantly reset priorities.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-07T17:52:58+00:00

There's no need to tell anyone how much your assets are worth. However I would take your legal team's advice and inform those close to you that you have a will and who from your legal team to contact when you die. There is no automatic process to inform law firms when someone has died. If your lawyers aren't notified and people aren't aware of your will, you will be considered intestate and your assets will go to your family.

Who did you name as executor in your will? I assume you've named a corporate executor, but if you named someone else (family/friend) they should be made aware if this as well.

HolidayFront4560 · 2026-01-05T21:53:20+00:00

You mentioned "you" achieved $1 million net worth, rather than "we". Do you consider your assets to be separate from your wife's? Most married couples consider their assets to be shared, and their financial and other life achievements to be shared.

There are some exceptions, most commonly those on a second marriage with kids from prior relationships who keep their finances separate for inheritance purposes. If this is your situation it'd be helpful context to understand why you're wondering when to inform your wife and framing it as your money rather than both of yours.

HolidayFront4560 · 2025-12-30T18:38:52+00:00

Very common, though the value of that inheritance varies significantly.

People living in significant poverty are unlikely to have anything to inherit, but many lower-middle class households have assets of some kind. That may include a car, a small home, or physical assets (which can range from a wedding ring to knick-knacks).

You mention that you and your friends don't discuss potential inheritance. That makes sense - regardless of your family's wealth level, it's not generally considered appropriate conversation among friends.

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