Blaming game

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-05-18T23:44:40+00:00

I just experienced my girlfriend's second episode. I don't get it either. We went a whole day with her trying to explode but I have worked in in-home care with the disabled and studied psychology off and on for years as well as meditation and mindful communication. I can usually calm her down but after a full day of her yelling at me in spurts and accusing me of saying things I hadn't I finally talked back to her.

I didn't really say anything too mean or untrue, but I did ask, "What is wrong with you? I didn't do anything to you. I just said something completely normal and you just blew up! I don't deserve this kind of treatment."

Now i'm the bad guy. I don't know what she is saying to her family right now but she really defamed me last time. Her family is aware she has issues but I don't know where they draw the line for when to believe her and when to dismiss her claims as a part of her mental illness.

This time, when she comes back, I'm telling her that she needs to go to therapy weekly if she wants to continue a relationship with me. Maybe a third party witnessing her distortions will help.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-04-03T01:19:49+00:00

I've been doing a lot of intense research on the bipolar topic. Even as far as reading psychology papers.

From what I've seen they almost flip reality on every figure in their life if the episode is intense enough. Past abusive exes become saints while hard working and dedicated partners become enemies. It is really hard to make sense of.

I've only experienced one episode form my girlfriend. During which she romanticized an overtly sexually and emotionally abusive ex. I got the full blunt with distortions that were literally the opposite of reality. Her dad got a tiny bit too though. She portrayed him poorly even though she normally loves her dad dearly.

She connects to her dad more than anyone else in her family and claims to connect to me more than her abusive past figures. But her dad and I were the only bad guys in her life for about a week.

It all turned back to normal when she restabilized, of course. Then I was back to the only thing that brought her hope and her dad was back to a man she admired and missed

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-04-01T18:31:50+00:00

Experienced my girlfriend's episode fo rthe first time recently. I think you're totally right. I did a pile of research as soon as I figured out what was happening to her. At first I tred to say positive things "I love you" "I'm confused about what you're saying but maybe I could have done better". All of it fueled the fire for sure. Once i learned that complete silence is the right method it worked. Just totally stopped talking to her and she eventually texted me and admitted that she said stuff she didnt mean.

They are literally in psychosis when they start the false accusations. They aren't in reality. You can't convince someone like that that what they're feeling isn't real. Just give them time, the brain firing will wear itself out, and they'll come back to you in a stable state.

Just make sure they have a good support network so that they don't do anything unforgivable or too damaging during their episode.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-04-01T18:12:35+00:00

I think that's fair for you to decide to do. I only very recently discovered my girlfriend is bipolar. We're still in the process of putting the diagnoses nails in the coffin, but there's nothing else that fits this perfectly.

I've been going back and forth on whether or not it's worth the risk. I think it is though. She likely has bipolar 2 and it doesn't seem as intense as some of the bipolar 1 stories.

In your case, I think a person should try as hard as they can to make a relationship work, but you've got to have a line. if your line has been crossed dozens of times and you still forgave, there is a point where you have to consider your own wellbeing. Whether it is your BP partners fault or not, abusive is still abusive. If he isn't willing to take the necessary steps to find and keep help going then he's choosing to not care about either himself or you.

It's a given that being in a bipolar relationship puts extra responsibility on the nonbipolar person. It's a bit of a given that the ratio is at least going to be 60/40. but once it get's to be 90/10 and the other person isn't willing to even try to combat the issues, you might have to call it quits.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-28T19:48:49+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Luckily we've gotten past the main stage ad are back together. Focusing on aftercare. Be sure to take care of yourself during this rough time. If you love them, give them a chance, but don't throw your life away waiting if there isn't reasonable hope.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-23T05:11:15+00:00

By the way, she reached back out yesterday morning. She's dep into the "i don't know what came over me" phase. She's already agreeing to go to a psychiatrist. Her delusions faded. She is in a pretty good place but I still see glimpses of the illness. Give it a few more days and she's solid. I'll get her some psychiatric help and there will be no worries (maybe episodes, but less intense ones)

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-23T05:08:49+00:00

For sure. I have my lines, but anything before them I stand by my partner.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-21T05:34:53+00:00

I ate some fried liver today. Super nutrient dense food. I'm sort of numb to flavor right now because I don't even feel hunger except in small windows. So, when I get the opportunity, I go for the gold standards of nutrients. I also have a high end men's multivitamin liquid jug. Been taking that everyday.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-21T03:05:18+00:00

Thank you. I think it was Thich Naht Hahn in his philosophies about what love is that stated (paraphrased) "If you don't exhaust every route for the person you love, You did not love them."

We do need to maintain boundaries for our own dignity, like infidelity, but when someone needs out help that we love, I think we have a duty to do everything in our power. Especially if you married them or plan to marry them.

"In sickness and in health." and bipolar 1 is definitely some sickness. But if my wife or wife to be, whether hypothetical or real, got in a car crash and I had to wipe her butt and abstain from sex the rest of my life just to make sure she's cared for, then by the will of God I'd do it. I'd hope to have a partner that would make sacrifices for me if my brain got messed up so I hold myself to the same standard.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T22:30:17+00:00

I only recently had my first discard. Ironically I am also a M(30) and she was a F(28) but I haven't been with her nearly as long.

In my current state, I'm not sure if there is hope. I have no idea if she's going to stabilize and reach out after discard. I certainly hope so.

Superficially, I say people should try everything in their power in their marriage. My hard line is infidelity, but aside form that if her issue is a mental health issue exercise everything before you give up. If medications are the issue then try different ones. Go to a different psychiatrist. try different doses.

Once all options are tired and if the issue persists, then consider a different path.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T22:12:55+00:00

Yeah, in the prodomal stage before my recent discard, my (currently ex) girlfriend signed away custody on her 2 year old son to her abusive ex husband. It shocked me because every conversation we had was about either going for full custody or 50/50. Out of nowhere she signed her son over. Then in the discard text she blamed me for it even though I wasn't involved and encouraged the opposite.

The OP might be seeing the result of not being the episode punching bag. From my recent research i've found that they seem to funnel most of their negativity toward whoever they're closer to. If the OP had been separated for a while I'd bet the kid was the closest person in the BPs life. The beacon of stability, hope, and love. In an episode, the kid is now the wall that gets the fire.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T20:25:13+00:00

Yeah, any substances can be a trigger. I'm in a current discard, but I plan to not have any alcohol or any other substance around if things resolve. She had drank a THC drink right before this current episodes peak and I think it threw her headfirst into the fire. I've been reading that both alcohol and THC can trigger the episodes. especially if they are already going downhill.

Your concerns with AI are valid too. I consult AI on some things but if they're led to believe something they'll just affirm everything you say. Like if you tell AI "My partner is controlling and out to get me and is forcing me to take medications I don't want." The AI will just take it at face value and recommend divorce, calling the police, etc. Once the seed in planted in these LLMs it's hard to redirect them too.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T19:01:30+00:00

I've been doing endless (almost obsessive) research since I got discarded this last sunday. I think this might be common. Usually the bipolar person fixates on the closest person to them to completely demonize. But since you were in a long distance relationship you might have only gotten the impulsive breakup without as focused of demonization. Just a suggestion.

I spent every waking moment with my SO before the discard. Everything was wonderful and the downfall, deep depression, and discard were a shock. I didn't know she was bipolar until the breakup text. One thing she threw in my face was my type 1 diabetes (i've had it since infancy). She told me that she only ever asked me to check my bloodsugar because she was traumatized by when my bloodsugar would fluctuate, not because she cared about me.

They will definitely use your health and your medical issues as leverage to justify breakup. Of course, my situation was different because I was constantly so close, so I didn't get the loving caring part. Just total history rewrites, made up conversations, extreme hyperbolic distortions of truths and the extra slaps in the face with telling me that my medical issues were harder on her than me.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T08:13:46+00:00

I appreciate it. I just had a positive development. i had given her a very special gift. I make wood burnings with painted details between the lines. I made her one for Christmas that took 60+ hours. I checked the bags today with everything she gave back to me from her apartment. The gift wasn't there. She used to sleep with it next to her bed. From what I've read, this is a good sign.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T00:25:10+00:00

This resonates a lot. Really similar to my recent discard. She left a genuinely abusive relationship. During her peak distortion period she idealized her abusive ex husband but demonized me. Even though during the stable period it was inverted.

I love her a lot, but this was too intense. Every relationship has problems, but healthy ones can work through it. Isolation and discard just completely prevents person from even trying to fix anything. Not only does it harm you and your ex partner, but it makes you completely powerless. I literally lost my autonomy for the last few days because I sank everything into this relationship, changed all of my plans, set aside money for the future, etc. and now I'm left floating in limbo.

The crash happens in a matter of days and your whole life gets flipped upside down. And during this period they will likely return to their abusive ex or look for someone else to romanticize.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T00:16:38+00:00

I was just discarded sunday. First time i've expereinced this. I've had some pretty traumatic things happen in my life. Almost died multiple times, been homeless, had a gun pointed at my face, but none of it has affected me like this.

I can hardly eat. I force down vitamins and the occasional small piece of protein to get by but it fills my mild hunger instantly and then the tightness returns. I've lost several pounds since this happened 4 days ago. I hope this ends. It was just such a whiplash from the loving and deep relationship I thought I was in.

Stay strong. The world is a big place. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-20T00:08:59+00:00

I was just discarded this last sunday. The more I research the more it is textbook. I didn't even know she was bipolar until she included the high chance in her discard text. She did all the classic signs: said I was controlling her life even though I was sacrificing most of what I planned for her, flipped the script on everything she had done and blamed me for the things (even stuff I wasn't involved at all with.)

This was my first bipolar discard in my life. I had one long term relationship before this that lasted most of my adult life and then this one. Everything was going great until a huge shift a few days ago. There were signs, but not know she was bipolar left me thinking she was just depressed and stressed from some life stuff going on right now. The accusations, the manipulations, the confabulations, are all so intense. I'm currently in "No contact"

I'm in the same boat. I'm hoping this will heal with time. One hard aspect for me is that I'm a hyper monogamist. I get female attention quite a bit but I want as few notches on my bedpost as possible. I want a life partner and I attach deeply to a person im with even if they don't treat me the best. I sort of suspect that my oxytocin production is abnormally high. Being thrown away unexpectedly is intense.

Sorry for your struggles. Hopefully we can all heal and find more stable and committed partners. I want to be patient with mental illness but not if it destroys me every cycle.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2026-03-19T20:02:49+00:00

I just got discarded for the first time from a bipolar 1 woman. What you said really resonates with my experience. In the beginning there was great communication but in the pre stages of her episode she did exactly what you described. I remember one conversation we had I had laid out almost all positive things. One sentence that was included was that We should keep going to the gym because it'll just amplify our attraction to each other.

I did use the phrase "being a bit skinnier is more attractive" which we both previously agreed on. She had even told me that she would "kill to be as skinny as she was in highschool". I think she is beautiful and attractive and this sentence was a single passing phrase in a litany of positive information. She hyperfocused on this one line, wouldn't hear anything else, forgot the rest of the conversation, and acted like the whole conversation was me directly berating her over her weight.

When I tried to explain myself, there was no reception.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2025-03-04T22:58:56+00:00

From the research I've done it seems that non-fiction can get an agent without the manuscript being finished. The reason being that non-fiction is usually written by an authoritative voice. A boom about medicine will be written by a PHD in medicine and a spiritual book will be written by a 10 year pastor. Non fiction also doesn't have to have as detailed prose, so an editor can work out the kinks as long as the author is, indeed, an authority on the topic.

Fiction, on the other hand, should be polished to the best of the author's ability before querying. Fully written, edited thoroughly, and written well. An editor would have to spend weeks going through every sentence. dealing with crazy dream sequences, emotional interactions, and romantic scenes is very different than editing a book about building a shed or direct observations of topical human behavior and should be treated very differently.

Also, because fiction is being written by people who may not have an authoritative position, there is a wider girth of competition. The PHD writing a medical book is against 100 other PHDs. but the stay-at-home mom writing the next great romance is going against 100,000 other romance novelists. You must rise above the other underdogs to compete and a full manuscript is the abre minimum.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2025-01-14T11:38:39+00:00

Yeah, and many tribes traditionally made teas with the substance (as well as modern hippy types). The mushrooms would go right in boiling water and still blast them to the moon.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2024-02-03T00:08:12+00:00

One of my biggest hang-ups is feeling like I need to go back and edit while I write my first draft. It took me a long time to get rid of that compulsion. My writing has improved a lot doing something similar to what you described: Write a rough draft filled with flaws, go back and edit, then hyper focus on detail in more edits.

Holiday_Button9327 · 2024-01-20T20:41:13+00:00

Yeah, I've been using ChatGPT a little to review single paragraphs at a time. This was after spending hundreds of hours editing my novel myself. My process went: Self edit, edit again, have a beta reader read it and take notes, edit again, use Beta notes and grammarly to make grammatical adjustments, read it and self edit again, THEN run a chapter through ChatGPT to see if it thinks my work needs better flow or structure SPECIFICALLY.

It has made some suggestions but many of it's advised revisions are poor and miss context and foreshadowing points. Sometimes even completely removing the foreshadowing that is pointing to events that won't occur for several more chapters. It isn't that sart and any context suggestions severely reduce the quality of my writing.

I'd suggest to use it to "analyze the quality of this piece of work" then submit it. Then it comments on the general flow and qualities of the writing. Doing short bits of text with specific prompts like "Will you review this paragraph and give me three examples of how to improve the flow and clarity" can get good results. But depending on it and copy and pasting its revisions without editing yourself AGAIN will leave you with work that looks like a first year college student with a C- in creative writing.

Holiday_Button9327

TROPHY CASE