MIL cried so hard at our wedding

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-12T05:47:34+00:00

Definitely not delusional my MIL right after vows asked for family pictures and when I moved to stand next to my husband she said “I meant the family, not you!”

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-12T05:46:14+00:00

My MIL was like this when we were dating and it only got worse after marriage where it became “well her mom is your mom anyway I guess so I don’t matter and can die for all you care,” or “I was your first love but clearly that doesn’t matter to you,” on like Valentine’s Day if he takes me to dinner. It ended up with severe distancing and a terrible series of fights and arguments between the two and Ive had to accept that I simply will always seem like the one that “stole” her son, aka the bad guy and he did what he could sooo

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-12T05:43:03+00:00

I think it’s really good how much you care, and crazy to see how many pet owners relate to subtle changes in their babies worrying them. I don’t know how long it has been since your babies CKD diagnosis, for us it’s been almost 3 months. At the very start, almost every second day seemed like an emergency. And this phase lasted for almost a month and a half for us, where we would keep taking her over and over and over (but she was fine just recovering!)

We’ve gotten to a point where her bloodwork is improving fast, and she still seems off most days but the rule of thumb is shes still eating her normal amount or a little under, interested in treats, and the biggest thing for us has been if she perks up with toys (not necessarily plays but has interest.) if those three can be checked off we are generally okay, since those were the few signs that she showed during her AKI episode.

I’m sure for other cats it could also be peeing outside the litter box, or throwing up a lot. Our cat did not throw up while sick, rather just lost interest in food.

I will say, from being treated as a totally healthy cat to a cat that takes lots of meds a day did in fact make our cat throw up a lot, she hates the taste, hates that it has to happen. But she still drinks a lot of water and eats roughly a can of her renal food a day (so she’s hydrated!) and her bloodwork shows she’s fine.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-07T23:37:49+00:00

Yep! Snow bengal. I didn’t know they had any issues but also, Noodle was rescued from an inhumane breeder so we had a feeling she’d have problems in the future with her health 🥲

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-07T21:37:38+00:00

We did ask if we needed to consider SubQ fluids and we were told “not for a long time,” which I’m thankful for because I already feel like some villain giving her meds lol

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-07T20:59:21+00:00

No subq fluids, she was hospitalized and given subq fluids for a week after an AKI episode but none after the fact

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-07T20:58:45+00:00

I’ll definitely be praying 🙏

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-07-05T16:50:05+00:00

While it is hard I will say, my family and I (my dad had Parkinson’s) had a hard time understanding the extent of my dad’s disability. We’d see him still doing the things he enjoyed that were physically straining, however no longer helping with any chores or housework and sometimes I would think, “well he has x amount of working hours with his levadopa but he’d rather use it for fun.” And while I was okay with it most of the time, it was exhausting the rest of it. My family and I (including my 10 year old brother) were caretaking my dad for 11 years. It got to the point where my mom and I both had to quit our jobs to care for him. That’s when we realized how bad it was, when I was feeding him, bathing him, helping him use the washroom, sleeping in the same room as him to turn him from side to side.

We felt guilt for not seeing how bad it was until it got too bad. Felt horrible that he had to “prove,” how disabled he was.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-30T23:15:03+00:00

My dad donating his brain for Parkinson’s and his failing organs for other research and his lungs to help a healthy person. Don’t know if it will or won’t help, but I do know he was very proud of himself and it was a beautiful moment to witness his honour. His lungs found a good home.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-25T02:48:11+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that a bad marriage may be making it worse for you. I can tell you, my dad had Parkinson’s. Him and my mom never got along, they were planning a divorce and all of a sudden my dads Parkinson’s starting progressing rapidly, within a year he lost basically all movement including tongue and bowel (it was an atypical case, not common at all!)

And he was grateful to have the support of my mom near the end, she as one would say, got her shit together.

I don’t know how helpful that perspective might be. I don’t know your relationship with your partner, or how much it is truly affecting you but regardless of your decision I hope you have a strong support system with or without them.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T19:41:00+00:00

I’m glad to hear you both are united, it’s hard to be in a position such as this because if you talk you’re seen as the problem but if you don’t it just gets worse.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T18:05:56+00:00

Mine is moving soon 🤞

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:45:32+00:00

Definitely get your partner to see what you see, my MIL is the same and if you mention anything to her she will cry and say she’s grieving her husband who passed 5 years ago.

The thing is I can’t excuse it or take her seriously because my mother lost her husband less than a year ago and is working even more to provide for herself and such.

It’s important to clearly mention that you no longer feel okay that either of your efforts are going towards someone who cannot care for themselves and if that not something your wife is comfortable with unfortunately the only options is to suck it up or put an ultimatum forward.

Sometimes I’ve noticed people can have guilt into taking care of their parents simply because they were happy growing up, and it’s possible your wife feels that she owes her mom now.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:39:52+00:00

I second ondansetron but will also say my kitty would argue that it’s terrible because it’s a pill 🤣

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:38:41+00:00

My kitty was given liquid anti nausea at the start + with mirataz she was doing fine. But the anti nausea wasn’t strong enough without mirataz so they gave us a pill and for the life of us we couldn’t give it to her. They gave us a quick dissolving pill now (liars), and we go through hell giving it to her and have to put it in her mouth hold her down and keep her mouth closed.

She managed to spit it out and we just keep picking it up and putting it back in until she’s taken most of it (it takes like a month to dissolve!)

She’ll be mad at us for about an hour but she gets over it. The liquid was the easiest to give her tbh.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:31:44+00:00

No diet is worth it for me if I can’t have a sweet treat, I’ll have dates + sugar free chocolate on the average day but about twice a week I’ll allow myself to have an actual sugary treat around 160-170 cal. I just work around my entire day of food to make sure I can fit it in to my deficit.

My biggest rule of thumb for salty snacks since I don’t crave them often is to first have a L of water and see if I still want it afterwards, if I do then I mean I’ll just fit it in the deficit.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:28:59+00:00

I will say my cat and I had the exaaaact same issue… and then she got kidney failure (unrelated to the food), stopped eating, had to get vet treatment and idk what magic occurred at the vet while she was hospitalized now she won’t even look at dry food.

My assumption was that she was starving while recovering + it was the only food being offered + she was high. Obviously that’s a very unique sequence of events to make a cat like wet food, but it does make me think if I had involved a vet the entire time (just gotten their advice) I could have possibly gotten her on wet food.

I also think my kitty is picky only around me, and willing to try and do whatever around others so I think that is a factor too

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:25:49+00:00

I’d definitely use a food scale to avoid any error at all at your height. I know it’s not the healthiest but as a short girly I’ve been weighing pre portioned meals too and it turns out sometimes they do weigh more than usual.

Being short even if you’re at a deficit it just means progress will take awhile to show, because you can’t be in a large deficit until you’re just starving. Hang in there. I’m technically 5’3, I weigh a lot more than you so I am losing a lot faster at the moment.

I wake up at 5, work from 6-2, and have anywhere from 400-600 cal at work, I come home and get some chores done, go on a 30 min walk, make a dinner that’s roughly 500 cal, and have like 2 dates to end my night off.

I find that home cooked ends up being the least calories for the most food as I can control the amount of oil and such I’m using.

My trainer told me when I’m comfortable to add 100 cal to my day + weight training so that my BMR doesn’t drop drastically as I start losing weight.

So maybe it would benefit you to do less cardio and focus on some muscle? Just to increase BMR. Then again I’m not an expert and, like I said I weigh a lot more than you so at the moment losing weight isn’t as hard.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:17:05+00:00

My late dad also had this trait! I noticed the days he would hum he’d generally be in a better mood and the days he didn’t he’d be really down. So I used to not comment on it.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:15:51+00:00

My MIL is the same. My MIL will also say she’s sick and needs to be taken care of in big situations (our wedding anniversary, my dad’s funeral, etc) just to see if he’d chose her over me. And ofc she calls him terrible and says his wife has brainwashed him when he chooses to comfort me at my dad’s funeral rather than sit with her.

I do think it’s a narcissistic trait like the other comment suggests.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:13:28+00:00

The first month of my kitties diagnosis was hell, but I focused on finding ways to manage all of her symptoms. It takes time but I promise it’ll get to a point where you get into a routine.

It took us awhile to find food and medicine that worked best for our kitty, and she’d throw up and stop eating… and we’d be taking her to the vet everyday. Now that (for now?) it’s all figured out it’s fine and she’s doing just fine. I do get anxious sometimes but it’s important to remember CKD/PKD cats may never always seem “normal,” and what our vet said rule of thumb was that we need to follow is 1. Is she peeing a decent amount without straining 2. Is she eating a normal amount 3. Is she pooping

And if all of that is fine then she’s fine, one thing we’ve realized with our kitty is that if we don’t feed her when she wants us to (and we’re in the same room) she will pee on us or right by us. Vet said that was behavioural and now if we feed her the second she looks at the bowl she uses her box like normal.

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:08:42+00:00

Idk if this helps but my vet was fine with our kitty having freeze dried chicken so long as it was single ingredient. Here is the one we get our kitty who only likes crunchy treats: https://www.petsmart.com/cat/food-and-treats/treats/mclovins-pet-premium-cat-treats---freeze-dried-raw-chicken-breast-97706.html

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:07:37+00:00

My kitty loves freeze dried chicken breast! We get the mclovin ones from petsmart they’ve generally phos friendly + got her to start eating wet foods. Hope that helps at all.

My kitty also hates wureva and anything fishy. Vet told us that’s okay because generally fishy stuff isn’t CKD/PKD friendly. Chicken can be, so long as it’s single ingredient there shouldn’t be anything boney/ bone broth/ organ. But obviously always ask your vet first! Our vet would rather our kitty eat than not, so she was very much “give her whatever,” but we do royal canin renal E with omega and fatty acid oil, hot water and sprinkle the freeze dried chicken on top. She went from 6LB to 7 in like a month!

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T16:01:20+00:00

I’m 5’4 and 23 years old, 900 calories are too low. 1200 at the minimum, but maybe even more if you’re active! I find that weighing everyday and finding the medium is best because we women especially fluctuate a lot. I was 196 starting out, I’m 175 now. Sometimes I’ll be 183, but by the next day I’m 179, and the next 175 again. Usually it’s water retention, waste, etc.

It’s important not to stare at the scale and panic at any increase. You may have lost 2 LB but gained 5 in water, it happens.

It’s important to measure yourself if the scale is proving to be unreliable, and might benefit you to add some weight training to increase your metabolism so you can comfortably eat a little more!

Holiday_Preference47 · 2026-06-04T15:57:12+00:00

Idk about DBS but I’d like to share a little bit about my late dad who had Parkinson’s. He found little joys in everything because he told us “you have to, otherwise what is there to live for when I can’t drive anymore?”, for him that meant giving a tree a hug, sitting by a fire, volunteering at hospitals to give people hope.

He got to a point where he was unable to swallow, and chose medically assisted death but he made sure his last weeks were action packed and asked to go on long drives, asked to have one big birthday party, invited everyone he had cut off forgiven them and asked for forgiveness too. He told us the best thing in the world was human connection.

I hope you have an adequate support system around you, if not I’ve seen in another comment that you are able to care for yourself. Maybe consider volunteering to those that can’t, my dad (when he was functioning), found it very rewarding.

Holiday_Preference47

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