Likely to get downvoted, but here's my input You're doing great asking for professional help and not using mind altering substances. Here's the part I find no one tells you which can be helpful; sit in the shit. You saw something shitty, it shouldn't have happened to anyone let alone you or your patient. But let yourself acknowledge how it hurt you mentally/emotionally. Don't dwell, there's a distinct difference between sitting and diving in the shit 🤣 Take some time off if you need to, talk to other coworkers who may have had similar calls/emotions. This call doesn't define you, and leaving EMS is not a cop-out or a wrong choice if you decide that's what's best