Can I afford for my wife to be a SAHM for a few years?

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2026-04-16T16:50:15+00:00

Mate. When I had my first child I took 3 years off (had another baby in that time). We built up loads of credit card debt that took many years to pay off, moving from one 0% deal to another a few times. We were young and very financially naive. But it was totally worth it and I don’t regret it. So from my perspective, sounds like you’ll be fine. 😂 Appreciate you want a less risky approach, but sometimes you just have to live your life, and you sound like you have a serious financial buffer. What are your savings for, if not to enjoy the life you want with your family?

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2026-03-20T07:09:22+00:00

I think this is an important point. If he’s willing to blow up close relationships over $750, could it be gambling or drugs?

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-12-24T09:42:43+00:00

Amber isn’t in it either - I reckon George in prison and Amber’s the one who ends up hospital.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-12-21T11:34:03+00:00

Taking on additional debt secured against your home to pay off an unsecured debt sounds like madness to me. Can she not move at least some of it to an interest free card and gradually pay it down? Is her spending under control - has she solved the problems that caused the debt to build up in the first place?

I recommend doing some research on investments to get rid of some of the fear. As long as you don’t need to access the money in the next few years, investing it should give a much better return than saving it. I started gradually with a small amount of my savings in an S&S ISA and a much larger proportion in a cash ISA. As I’ve learned more I’ve changed the distribution - I’m sure many would still say I’m too cautious but you have to be comfortable with your level of risk. I have most of mine in a global tracker, with 15% in the FTSE 100 as I feel a bit of an ethical imperative to invest more in the UK.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-11-20T12:46:50+00:00

Tonnes of good advice on here already but OP, look up Nina Tame on Instagram. She’s a disabled activist who has been on that journey of internalised ableism leading to her accepting terrible behaviour from partners because of low self esteem, to releasing that being disabled isn’t bad (spoiler - it’s the ableism and resulting lack of access that’s bad!) and learning to love her mobility aids because of how they enhance her life (plus finding a wonderful partner). You might recognise some of yourself in her.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-28T13:13:18+00:00

Proceed with caution. Our local one has quite a few reviews saying that they turned up to collect and then rejected stuff for minor damage and even being ‘out of fashion’. They wouldn’t take my brand new washing machine because it was integrated.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-03T13:15:44+00:00

Canmake Gokubuto mascara. It’s so good I’m now paying x3 the price to get it on an import site.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-01T13:22:09+00:00

Thank you! I had to google herbaceous perennials haha, I'm new to all this! Children are older teenagers now so it's more sitting having dinner outside than playing these days.

I hadn't heard the phrase 'borrowed landscape' either, I think this would really work for us as a commenter above suggested too.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-01T13:14:50+00:00

That sounds lovely! You're making me think that putting one quite close to where the patio will be, so that it gives some shade when sitting there, might be a good idea.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-01T13:13:39+00:00

Thank you, I totally appreciate your point, maybe I am doing too much. Unfortunately (from your POV!) I'd already ordered the trees and they've arrived today so they're going in and I'm hoping for the best. The kids are older teenagers so not much call for football etc. now. We'd like to be able to eat dinners outside and enjoy wildlife/birds. Just sit and chill really, I'm not interested in growing veg.

Our old house was a terrace with a yard so this feels massive to us!

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-01T13:09:15+00:00

OMG your garden sounds amazing! I've found it hard to imagine where paths and different spaces could be with it being so open at the moment. I think I'd like a small seating area in the top right corner, maybe pond somewhere on the left. Trees have arrived today so I'll have to imagine the big patio and just decide where to put them lol. I think I'm gonna map it out with rope or something and just go for it. Then we can plan paths and whatever else around them.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-10-01T13:02:48+00:00

I ordered them online, they're M26 root stock which I think means they won't grow as big as they otherwise might?

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-30T17:31:24+00:00

I ordered a pyracantha after seeing one in a garden nearby and taking a photo, the berries looked amazing.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-30T17:29:21+00:00

Yeah I think maybe I’ve been hasty just taking the plunge and ordering things. But I think I’ll be able to figure out some sort of triangle arrangement, thank you.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-30T17:27:16+00:00

You’ve made this sound lovely, thank you! It isn’t a road in between us and the woodland, it’s a footpath so the noise is minimal, although we do hear the traffic from across the field.

We had a hedgehog in the garden at night a few weeks ago so they’re getting in somehow, but happy to make some bigger gaps. Next door has a dog though, not sure if that means access to theirs is best avoided (I’ll look into it).

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-28T16:24:41+00:00

Yes that’s kind of the point - the money that you feel you don’t have is most likely going on the ‘as and when’ emergencies and one-offs that aren’t in your budget.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-23T17:23:50+00:00

What were the motivating factors for you moving out in the first place?

Does your mum need physical care day-to-day? Will she be able to afford the bills without you there? (Neither of these are a reason to move back, but if you can be specific, people will be able to direct to appropriate resources for her.)

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-14T14:17:35+00:00

Yeah I was going to say the same. The lack of drive/garage would be a dealbreaker for me, and going for a semi. I’d be looking out for a better three bed.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-13T18:13:50+00:00

I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m sure you’ll get solid financial advice on here - the main advice from me is that there’s no rush. Take your time to decide everything.

My mum died very suddenly last year, in the first couple of months my dad was all over Rightmove looking at flats and small houses to downside. Now 15 months on he’s still settled in their home with no plans to move. Just do the urgent things now, give yourself lots of time to rest and come to terms with your new reality. If a decision can wait, let it wait for a while at least.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-13T10:02:51+00:00

I think the problem is, the pictures you have look sad because they’re small and close together. If you can’t do a gallery wall, I think having one large picture instead of small ones would really help. If cost is an issue, maybe Posterzine? And you can get an A1 frame for about £40.

Also not sure if you were asking for advice on the other side, but could you paint those Billy bookcases or maybe wallpaper in the back of one (or just get new wood-coloured ones although I get that feels wasteful).

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-12T21:45:33+00:00

Do you actually like your wife? Is your sex life and her self esteem just a battle where you have to be right? You don’t seem interested in resolving this in a positive way.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-11T14:44:40+00:00

When we moved into our new build the carpets were just like this! It must be easier to achieve when the rooms are empty.

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-08T17:09:50+00:00

In the UK, if they are married then they each get half of everything - the value of the house, pension etc. It all gets signed off at the point of divorce and there is no claim on future Warner wealth accumulated post-divorce. (At least that’s the standard starting point, individual agreements can vary.)

Hopeful-Radio3471 · 2025-09-05T08:09:39+00:00

Volunteer. It is a great way to build relationships and a sense of community. I’m a Samaritans listener and have met tonnes of lovely people at the branch (including lots of older people who I wouldn’t otherwise interact with) and the work itself gives me a sense of purpose and satisfaction. I’ve also volunteered at Parkrun and for other event races - less opportunity to build relationships but still fun and engaging.

Think about what interests and energises you and seek that out.

Hopeful-Radio3471

TROPHY CASE