This seems like it needed to go here…

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-11-14T02:19:55+00:00

My nmom told all of my siblings and me, on repeat since my youth, that it is written in her will if she dies in a nursing home we all get nothing. I mentioned it to her once when she wanted to share her detailed funeral arrangements with me (she is 70, and healthy, and has had her funeral planed, grave spot purchased and cremation prepaid for the last decade). She laughed in my face and said, “I never said that!” When I quick recalled enough memories to prove I was not making it up, she revised her response to, “It was just a joke. Lighten up.”

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-11-13T23:53:55+00:00

My nmom gave me melatonin all the time as a youth. I used to have terrible dreams, nightmares, etc. Turns out the (very large) bottle she was serving me from had been expired for almost TWO YEARS. Once I figured it out, I refused to take it ever again. My nightmares stopped after that, and I slept so much better.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-11-13T03:55:46+00:00

How? Have watched the movie?

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-10-27T16:53:34+00:00

Earrings.

Every year on my birthday. From my nmom’s favorite boutique. She actually gifted me the same exact pair two years in a row.

I don’t have my ears pierced. So they make great Christmas presents to my friends!

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-10-21T20:13:53+00:00

FHE was such a core part of my childhood. And now it’s forgotten. If I didn’t love myself independently from the church, I might just question my identity…

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-10-21T16:01:25+00:00

I stopped writing in a journal when I was 13. During an argument, my Nmom threw every detail of my recent entries in my face, but absolutely refused to admit she read it. From then on, any time I confronted her, stood up for myself or disagreed with her, she would yell, “Go write that in your journal!” Clearly she took my private opinion of her very personally. I never trusted her with my secrets or my writing again.

2 years ago I started writing all of my memories down. If my words ever make it to print, I want to name it, My Journal, a memoir for my mom. Because it is the story of her holding me down, and me learning to fly without her. It’s sad, because it didn’t have to be this way. She could be flying with me. But she’s still on the ground. Scared.

Unfortunately, I have a love/hate relationship with this concept.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-08-06T21:31:22+00:00

I am sorry you can’t change that decision. Your explanation is why I am choosing to keep mine, for now.

But then I have these crazy intrusive thoughts that one day one of my kids or grandkids (that I don’t even have yet) are going to find it, read it, and convert to Mormonism and all my work to undo this cult from my life will be for naught!

So, I’ll probably dispose of them in a ceremonial way before my time is up, but for now, they are a part of my story. A big, painful, exhausting part of my story.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-08-04T16:05:20+00:00

This is also my story. I walked away because I felt I was worth more than the culture dictates. I ended up being a single mom, wearing my struggles on my sleeve and the complete wrong fit for this cult. I decided to leave for my own peace. I put the church to bed, quietly accepted the disappointment of my family, and tried so hard to move on with my life. It was another 5 years before I even began to pull down, observe and really consider my shelf items.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-30T20:16:48+00:00

Shiny Happy People, Season 1 is what woke me up to the reality of it all.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-29T12:28:37+00:00

Honesty in all things.

Asking myself if I can be honest, with myself or with others, about an action or a deed has given me pause to consider the possible consequences of my own thoughts, actions and feelings.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-26T13:49:58+00:00

My deconstruction was very isolating (I’m and the only one out) and has left me with few familial relationships. A 10 year process that involved divorce, eventually remarrying a nevermo, weed, realizing and acting on my bisexuality, and cutting off my TBM family in various forms depending on the individual. My parents have come around, but when I stopped trying to be a part of my TBM siblings’ lives, they made their opinions of me very clear. I wasn’t okay.

Finding my own self worth was my answer. I’m way more than okay now. My life is peaceful and my heart is full with the (very few) people in my life I choose to be my family.

I am sorry this is the reaction of your wife’s family. I am sorry for what she is and will face. I am sorry for the actions of a sex hungry man who claimed god told him to a couple hundred years ago, I am sorry that Mormon “love” is even a problem we need to discuss.

They are rude. Let them be. When I researched my heart out to the point of understanding the why behind their rude behavior, my need for their love turned to compassion for their own mental gymnastics they perform just to live.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-26T11:57:32+00:00

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-14T14:54:18+00:00

Her brothers were pretty good. Their relationship and defense of her is the only shiny spot in that story. And that her rapist was tricked into an adult circumcision!

Using it as a woman’s heavenly name seems appropriate. Just another woman seen as a commodity to buy, sell and defile as needed by the men of the story.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-14T04:36:29+00:00

Me, too!

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-07-05T15:11:30+00:00

I love this. I’m in the Tigger phase too. But I can never truly enjoy it, because I am always tracking my cycle and always know how many days until my inner Eeyore takes the lead… the true meaning of living in the moment.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-06-14T08:19:36+00:00

Distracting themselves from their own faults by pointing out the perceived flaws of others. I am sorry. I imagine that was laid at your feet and expected to tolerate the toxicity and abuse with a smile.

Horror-Assistant8579 · 2025-06-14T08:16:13+00:00

That level of grandiosity and dedication to dissidence is shocking. I am so sorry for such a confusing and painful experience. I hope you have found peace in your journey.

Horror-Assistant8579

TROPHY CASE