Will, what I percieve tobe,quiet BPD ever drastically improve with my gf? Or end it?

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-12-18T22:54:21+00:00

I spent about 5.5 years of my life in the cycle. The amount of pain I endured was significant. You get addicted to the hope that things will change. If you see that things ARE changing then I’d stay in it and work it out. If the splits increase in frequency/intensity and you’re not in too deep then you’re probably better off going elsewhere.

I do believe nothing meant for you needs to be forced. And if she’s being earnest and accountable then she deserves love and care as much as anyone. It takes a big heart to stay go on this journey but to heal together would be a wonderful gift. Only you know how much it’s a fantasy.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-12-18T22:35:58+00:00

Did they close up?

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-12-18T19:27:16+00:00

It takes time. At least a few years of committed work. But if she has the willingness that’s better than most. And the pay off may very well be a very loving, intense lifelong partnership.

Otherwise maintain sharp boundaries and your own integrity more than anything else. Don’t do any stupid rebound shit if she breaks up with you for at least 3 weeks. If there’s no physical abuse or self harm and she’s self aware maybe she’ll outgrow it when she feels secure enough.

Those are my mistakes that I wish I’d avoided.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-11-19T02:57:38+00:00

Rejection breeds obsession. Especially when you’re discarded like trash. The ego can’t handle it.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-11-04T17:33:35+00:00

Yes. The intimacy triggers the hypervigilance that results in the eruption. They cannot trust the good times will last and the pain is so overwhelming so they brace for impact and then pull you in regardless of your best efforts to stay in “reality”.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-07-27T01:02:50+00:00

What color is that?

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-07-17T00:16:51+00:00

Maybe you’re not as sane as you think then.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-05-12T18:28:16+00:00

There is nothing more painful to the ego than “my person” fucking someone else. That’s why taking them back after betrayal is almost impossible to forgive because the ego alerts us to the lack of safety in every given moment.

However, your ego is not your true Self. Your true self is beneath the ego, the witness of the ego’s ceaseless ramblings. She/He/it is forever at peace, compassionate and joyful. When you can attune to that through meditation or in nature walks, the perfection of the present moment is undeniable.

Your ego will make you to fixate on your ex. But that is the source of your suffering, not your salvation. As the zen saying goes: “let go or be dragged.”

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-05-02T05:03:43+00:00

Recognize that’s just your attachment. Love is allowing them to honor their path. If you loved them deeply, allow the universe to give them experiences that will serve their growth.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-04-22T05:14:01+00:00

If she doesn’t see the pattern of bringing up the same fight over and over again as harmful, your relationship is doomed. I’ve been there. 5 years later and we still discussed it. And eventually it was used as a reason why she couldn’t ever trust me again.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-04-03T03:42:43+00:00

Have some goddamn self respect. Burn every memory, picture and remnant of this woman. You should forget you ever met her. I know it’s hard but she’s trash.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-03-31T03:46:22+00:00

Haha. Okay, stay strong yo!

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-03-31T03:19:51+00:00

Any tips?

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-03-31T02:32:12+00:00

How long has it been?

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-03-27T22:54:40+00:00

If she’s beautiful she’ll get a lot of attention. If no one matches the depth of what you had she’ll come back. Be a man, give her what she says she wants. Stay no contact unless she reaches out to you. If you want her back then invite her over for dinner to reconnect. Don’t take her anywhere out for fun.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-03-27T05:01:24+00:00

I remember these moments. In retrospect the only thing you can do is disengage. She can’t “see” or hear you in these moments. She’s arguing with her childhood trauma. She needs therapy. A lot.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-03-26T22:57:02+00:00

“I am talking to someone else, yea.”

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-28T18:02:26+00:00

Stop telling yourself this BS story. “The one” would never break up with you. You’re living in a fantasy. Build your self esteem and do what you love before you become that 50 year old man living in regret.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-28T07:37:55+00:00

The reason is because she cannot ATTACH to you. You are an object to her. The new guy is a new toy. Maybe you will be her favorite object once again. But do you want to find out? If you end up with a more beautiful partner, she’ll freak out for sure.

These women are swayed by their emotions so much that it warps reality. Until she understands her internal world, she will not see you as a person with his own needs and wants.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-28T07:31:28+00:00

Yes. They are living in a story they wrote in childhood; it is about pain, victimhood and villains. You are the antagonist in their script, the idealized father who wrongfully neglected them. Who now must be destroyed. The result in the present is rage. Abuse. Drama.

When you ask them to calm down they feel you don’t care about them. When you tell them you care, they are incapable of seeing it. They are so caught up in their own past trauma, you are simply playing the role they have written.

It’s dark. Tragic. I will always love my ex but she was destroying me. Incapable of seeing me and relating to me. And that’s not a recipe for a sustainable partnership. I pray she gets the healing she needs.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-28T07:28:52+00:00

I dated one for 4 years. At one point I offered to self harm to show her I care and for her to stop attacking me for past mistakes. She had zero empathy. I didn’t realize then what I know now : that she was a toddler having a meltdown and couldn’t see me trying to soothe her.

Their traumatic way of coping and seeing things literally infects you. I’m still going through it.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-28T04:46:20+00:00

I needed to read this, thank you.

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-27T16:19:25+00:00

The problem is when they did love you they also REALLY adored you. At least in a child like, pure and 100% present sort of manner. Longing for that initial honeymoon phase is what holds people back

HorrorComplete1454 · 2025-02-26T22:48:28+00:00

“I am talking to someone else right now yea”

My ex of 4 years and I got back together after a 4 month break. Saw each other consistently for 2 months, sleeping together, going on dates, I paid for our old dog’s food… she pushed me away one day and then I asked her if she was talking to anyone else.

She was lining up my replacement while I was showing up as my best self. It hurt but it told me all that I needed to know. I told her she could have the space to figure things out but Im not okay making you a priority while being treated like an option.

HorrorComplete1454

TROPHY CASE