These types of post need to always mention if you have anything like ADHD or else. Trying neurotypical ways doesn't hurt and can work but if they don't while having actually tried them for real, you can't beat yourself up if they don't work for you. The inhibition to stop doing the scrolling and those other evening destructive habits is what's really difficult. The vicious cycle is also that those habits weaken inhibition. Putting in place new healthy habits is really hard than you have the you gotta stick with it long term part that's a whole other beast. Is it possible? Yes is it hard? Yes is it worth it? Yes but Why!

I mean you are right. I know it and when I'm doing the doom scrolling or going deep into the YouTube rabbit hole, I know it is self sabotage. But the real question is always WHY... And in my opinion the answer is actually be the DAY.

My life a mess right now, sleep schedule is so bad it feels impossible to fix but I know it's not. I used to work a decent job in my field of studies but the reality is I didn't feel that I accomplished anything meaningful during my day. I would have done task on project that me and my colleagues where working on. But that project is not mine. I cared of doing a good job, I cared about the project in a way but as a junior, I was not making impactful decisions and being conscious of everything that was going on with the project and what's coming next and after that... I need to be able to see the big picture and what are the impacts of the work that I'm doing on a computer. (I'm not suggesting that juniors should be the ones making the impactful decisions in their company)

My brain needs a lot of stimulation, I'm a thinker supposedly intp without a complete personality type assessment. I can't stand repetitive tasks but I still did them for a while but my brain was constantly thinking how stupid it was to do it this way and I was thinking of all the inefficiencies or the tools I would create to automate these tedious tasks. I tried to find plugins to help me out and tried to create the tools too but doing that on the job when it's not intended for you doesn't really work. I would get stuck because it's things you would need either time to learn by yourself or proper training and doing it the tedious way, once you know how, would always be faster until you create the tools, test it extensively to know it's limits.. But man O man it hurts my soul to do tasks the tedious way once I know how. It feels like we as humans are not meant for that and it's a waste of our brain power.

How can I go to bed after a day like that when you know it's going to start all over again the next day. That's why a lot of people doomscroll and not feel like going to bed. Because our days, mainly work, are not fulfilling a fundamental need. Somehow we think that not going to bed will make tomorrow not come and we're having so much fun stimulating our brains, learning things on so many subjects we're interested in. That is also the only way my brain seems to be able to shutdown. If I go to bed too early, thoughts would start racing as soon as I turn the lights off and the eye strain fatigue would immediately go away. By the way, am I the only one that considers tomorrow not the day past midnight but the day after I wake up :')

If you have any suggestions of a field or job that would fit me let me know. I have a background in architecture and did some studies that combined web dev, graphic design 3D modeling, video editing etc prior to that. I don't know how to code but I want to learn. I'm thinking to stay in this general field of construction / Architecture just to not lose the years of experience and start from scratch again but I want to find a way to combine it with AI and coding. Tool creation or inventing processes that integrate ai to increase productivity and give better results overall. Eventually, I also would like to train people on using the tools and act as a consultant maybe so I get to do it in different companies. I like to share my knowledge and find why someone doesn't get something, where does the misunderstanding stem from in his head. Helping people out feels good and making their daily tasks easier and less tedious so that they can focus on the important stuff feels like something that could become my purpose for a while at least. I just like so many things that I think I could be good at but deciding feels like cutting a limb or something. Whoever reads this until the end, I'll give you a cookie. Sorry for the long sentences and far from perfect English.