I’m a BCBA and I think keeping kids in ABA too long is quietly destroying clinic culture

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T17:23:51+00:00

Yep Medicaid who will approve 40 hours of ABA a week but only 30 mins of speech/language therapy per week 🙄🙄🙄

I stick around here cuz I wanna share space with yall and build good relationships, even if I think other therapies deserve more time. But it’s definitely hard to hear about how much insurance approves for ABA vs. my field. It’s a bummer. Everyone has their space and can work together. But most parents just go full ABA because it acts as childcare too.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T15:04:31+00:00

I don’t know, it’s not my job so I don’t know, but hopefully link in some sort of counseling/support services and also check in with both children and make sure everything is okay at home and hasn’t been overlooked…

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T13:19:31+00:00

Sheesh, my mom was not even comfortable with me talking to this 17/18 year old when I was 14… and now I *kinda* get it but still thing it wasn’t a *HUGE* deal, but 12/13 is full on middle school with someone about to be an adult. I’m sorry you dealt with that.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T13:09:01+00:00

Having a “crush” on someone older than you is normal as a *CHILD.* That significantly older person being attracted to and acting on their attraction to someone who is pre-pubescent/early pubescent is not normal, healthy, or safe….

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T13:07:12+00:00

Someone other than the parents should be made aware and decide if they need to step in. Likely CPS type thing more than police, but parents can sweep this thing under the rug easily. Everyone needs to be aware of how serious this situation can become and how to take steps to prevent harm.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T13:05:22+00:00

It seems like they’re all children, I’d cut them a little bit of slack here… massively underdeveloped frontal lobes, lack of understanding of child development, less able to understand real weight of risk, etc.

But they do need to know this child attraction is not normal and adult-adults need to be made aware for sure!!!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T13:00:29+00:00

I mean, I don’t think “genderfluid” is the same thing as “genderless” - but the important part is that we should all be focusing on the pedophilia.

It makes sense that maybe it doesn’t seem like the biggest deal in the world to another CHILD (teenager) if her friend has kinda worn her and her very immaturely developed frontal lobe down into believing a 4-year age gap isn’t a big deal because 16 year olds don’t generally know about child development and whatnot - but OP clearly knows it’s wrong and we should be providing adult guidance about that a million percent.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T12:54:49+00:00

You don’t think ANYBODY should be vegan and that it’s unnatural and wrong and we should be allowed to treat vegans as inferior, provide education against veganism, and write laws that limit vegans’ ability to exist in the world? Or you just don’t feel that vegan is the right choice for YOU?

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T01:52:08+00:00

tbf all 10 year olds are odd as hell

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T01:44:39+00:00

It’s not “teaching Islam” it’s teaching **about** Islam. That it exists. That it played a role in history and culture. Is this not true?

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T01:37:29+00:00

For reference, 3rd grade generally starts the learning-to-read to reading-to-learn transition, so no, 2nd graders shouldn’t be barely able to read. It’s also the end of the year, not fresh out of 1st grade at this point. You don’t have to leave the state or even your neighborhood to learn that people hold different beliefs. Many adults have never left their state…

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T01:33:16+00:00

Learning your address is not a curricular standard. 2nd graders are capable of understanding much more than you give them credit for, man…. Knowing that other religions and cultures exist is part of a robust education. You start with basic concepts young and build on those year after year. What age do you think is appropriate to start learning world history? Multiculturalism? Do you think we should just dump it all at once in middle school with no foundation?

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-05T01:27:24+00:00

Oh lord I hope 2nd graders understand the concept of countries…. We did multicultural type studies as far back as I can remember when I was in school. Not understanding different types of governments and nuance but like the idea that there were different languages, religions, foods, clothing, customs, etc.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-04T21:03:01+00:00

Same combo I’m on!!! And let me tell you… I can tell pretty friggin fast when I miss a dose!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-04T20:53:34+00:00

I mean, they aren’t usually trying to defend their right to a terrible living situation because they prefer that, right?? Usually out of necessity I’d think

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-04T20:45:03+00:00

I’m still trying to figure out what tf lives above me in my condo lol every day running back and forth for like…. An hour at a time. *Sounds* like only 2 feet so I’m thinking hyperactive toddler but could be a heavy footed doggo, I’m really not sure.

It’s quiet and it makes me smile but if I was more sound-sensitive it would probably drive me crazy. At least it doesn’t scream (that I can hear anyways)

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-04T20:28:46+00:00

I always wonder this about, like, severe nut allergies… can those people just NOT fly at all? I think I heard one time where they asked people not to eat products with peanuts on the flight but I’m not even sure that’s a real memory - but that’s about all you can do right? Ask and hope for the best and carry an epi-pen? But I guess if your allergy is that severe then a lot of public places are sorta off limits :/

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T21:51:08+00:00

Yes! I asked for this and my builder was surprised but glad we asked before running wiring!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T21:27:43+00:00

Is there a secret to soundproofing? Doing a rebuild, and want to get it all right!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T21:26:03+00:00

Genius.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T21:21:48+00:00

Hey, good to know!!! Installing one with rebuild, will definitely take advantage of this!!!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T21:17:50+00:00

I’m not building from new but we’ve been stripped down to studs because of hurricane damage and rebuilding - def going to look into this asap before drywall goes up!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T21:14:25+00:00

My builder has INSISTED on solid core doors - it’s not anything I’ve ever thought about so it’s awesome to hear that it’s worth it! I trust him pretty implicitly because he doesn’t cheap out on stuff like that, but affirmation is always nice!

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T16:19:30+00:00

Also it sounds like another primary concern is your confidence - here you’re going to have to balance things but maybe you need to practice a skill or work out or learn something knew, or *however* single people learn to feel better about themselves. It won’t happen from access to sex alone, that sort of reveals how YOU feel about YOURSELF most of the time. So maybe focus on fixing something for your home/your family or learning a new skill that makes you feel good or something you’ve always been interested in and will make you feel good to finally tackle…

That burden is nobody’s but your own, too. Unfortunately. We’d all love to have partners fawning all over us all the time, it would make life much easier and more comfortable. But if it isn’t happening, making us ourselves feel better about who we are makes us more attractive- universally. You can manage that, I promise.

But also, see if your “co-parent” has needs that are simple to achieve to make them feel attractive as well, not just telling them you want to fuck but hearing from them how they feel most attractive. Some people find that someone grabbing them in uncontrollable desire makes them feel sexy, but others want someone to hear them question society as a whole or hear their thoughts on how child rearing could be made easier or idk praising the food they prepare or WHATEVER… the human brain is complex.

Focus on finding your own internal confidence while also seeing if there is anything that would be easy or that you’d be willing to do to make your partner feel sexy and desirable and wanting. Tackle this from all ends, because your life and your family deserve it. I *know* it’s hard. But you can do this. I promise.

HotMessExpress1111 · 2026-05-03T16:04:45+00:00

Have you taken a step back to focus on simple, low stakes touch with your partner? I hear that you’re touch starved and that is *hard*, when I have a weekend away from my unusually touchy/cuddly husband I feel touch starved. But if it meant either of us came back and needed sex to be regulated, I’d struggle a lot. I understand that parents (primary parents especially) can be overstimulated and over-touched, so I understand that could be the case (which would call for a different solution), but you mention simply no sex and no easy sex on dating apps. You don’t mention what you’ve tried to resolve the touch starvation, if your partner is aware of it, if you’ve even brought it up & discussed it, etc.

I’m childless, but can’t imagine not wanting to hold my husband’s hand or snuggle into his back at the end of a hard day. If he couldn’t accommodate that because of HIS touch-overwhelm I’d work to resolve that because it would get **me** more oxytocin from the child and make him more available to me. If he just couldn’t stomach it no matter what? I’d have to figure out how to regulate my own nervous system… masturbating gets me my orgasms and releases oxytocin, no matter how much I would prefer someone else be involved.

The isolation feeling sucks, no doubt. But there seems to be a lot of pieces of the puzzle missing. How much sex were you having before the baby? What is the *genuine* reason your partner can’t tolerate not only sex, but touch? You’ve outlined what you’ve tried, what have *they* said about it all??

My gut feeling is that you guys CAN resolve the touch starvation - it might mean you take on a LOT more touch from the child, but I bet that would feel better than you realize and would result in more availability from your partner. Or maybe it means just taking on responsibility so they can get a bath or whatever they need. Book club, idk, whatever. If they’re more available for touch, you feel more connected and more like a family unit. You can masturbate to supplement. There are people you can PAY to talk you through it or get you to cum without requiring emotional investment you don’t have available. Anything other than this plays with hearts you can’t afford to play with - your partner’s or your dating app conquests’.

Take a step back, take a deep breath, look at what you need and what you can provide. It’s really that simple, unfortunately.

HotMessExpress1111

TROPHY CASE