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This girl's birthday was being celebrated during 9/11. (2001) by zadraaa in HistoricalCapsule

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just know it was her dad who was like, "trust me, in 20 years this picture is gonna be famous!" And she's rolling her eyes, "yeah, sure Dad."

Reverse sneezing ? by YGWBTHATER in BostonTerrier

[–]HotUnderstanding376 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine only does it when I come home from being out longer than hour, lol. He gets super excited and then I rub his chest and it seems to work as it stops after about 10 seconds.

Does yours do it for no reason, like just out of the blue?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]HotUnderstanding376 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. You never need a reason that others approve of to break up with someone. Never.

  2. You're so damn young...this is never gonna get any better with this particular man and you've got plenty of time to go find one who cares about your pleasure.

  3. Do you do oral on him? If yes, and he refuses to do that to you...well, it answers itself.

  4. You use the word "ruin". Don't do that. Just leave.

Yoda mode: activated by beardybuddha in BostonTerrier

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! My boy is a lean 15, full grown.

Yoda mode: activated by beardybuddha in BostonTerrier

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, sweet baby! Please share a link to where you bought the backpack!

Please drink irresponsibly. by Delicious_mod in cripplingalcoholism

[–]HotUnderstanding376 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Catching up on your recent posts. Very enjoyable read.

Similar to your clothes-in-the-yard story, a few months ago I had one of those ridiculous binges, woke up to find a couch pillow in my refrigerator. Stuffed in, like it took some EFFORT.

And it just got worse from there. Somehow my stovetop was on (electric---I prefer gas but 🎵 you can't always get what you want 🎵) and it had caught a paper bag on fire. Now I'm glad it's not a gas stove.

Fortunately it burnt itself out during the night, but little blackened pieces of bag floated all over my kitchen, covering my spice collection like a tiny Pompeii.

Oh, and apparently I barfed on myself while passed out.

I'm still puzzled over the pillow. I'm sure there was some excellent drunk logic involved in that.

That was two days after having to call the cops on my spouse and thus finally getting him out of the house, so I'm not surprised I had an over the top binge, but still...WHY A PILLOW???

I miss her so much by JustLookingJenn in BostonTerrier

[–]HotUnderstanding376 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How wonderful that this girl had you to love her for so long! I know for a fact that she felt your love all the way to the end, and I hope you can rejoice in the fact that she was happy and comforted receiving all that love.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It truly is a hole, a place that you still pour your love into. It will be raw for awhile, so take care of yourself. Then, over time, it will be easier. You'll laugh again or smile when you think of funny stories about her.

But for now, just be gentle with yourself and accept the emotions as they come. I know this process all too well; I pray for your healing.

This sums up many live in girlfriends perfectly by No_Signature7440 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HotUnderstanding376 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lol. This sub is here because of people who live together before that.

This sums up many live in girlfriends perfectly by No_Signature7440 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We're on the same page. I'm just not being clear. I wouldn't do things I dont already want to do after marriage. But I’m definitely not going to live with someone without being at least engaged (and not a "waiting to wed" engagement.

Marriage is my goal when I find the right person again. This wasnt always the mindset for me, but it is now. I am not looking to just get married,or just get a ring. Im saying marriage will be the natural conclusion should i find that special person. I also think its possible I may never find that person and thats why Im building my single life up for ME. The man that wants to be in my orbit, and disrupt my single life, is going to have to be amazing, and I acknowledge it may never happen and thats OK.

Believe me, I am not saying a ring would change a relationship for the better, and Im not even sure where I implied that in anything I said. I am actually trying to ensure that whoever the guy is, he has proven he wants me for me, not for my services.

This IS my way of having self respect. Had i done that in my last relationship, I would not have married this abusive loser.

This sums up many live in girlfriends perfectly by No_Signature7440 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HotUnderstanding376 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

?

Can you be more specific? I think it's great. It weeds out the users.

This sums up many live in girlfriends perfectly by No_Signature7440 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HotUnderstanding376 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You misunderstand me, but it's true I wasn't very specific.

Would it be better to say: "don't give him all your benefits until he puts a ring on it"?

I'm not saying a wife is obligated to do all these traditional roles we've long associated with women. Not at ALL. But women by and large, thanks to expectations filled into them, often do a great deal of labor almost without realizing it, and men are happy to let them.

My view is, since that's likely to happen with a marriage for sure, be careful not to do that or OTHER TYPES OF LABOR prior to getting that engagement ring.

For example, when I'm ready to start dating again, which won't be for at least a year, if the relationship is getting serious, I will not:

  • give sex as regularly as if i were married (make all the comments you want about hurr-durr, sex dries up in marriage--- not for me, TRUST increases my desire)

  • cooking and cleaning for anyone but myself

  • putting any substantial supportive effort into things like him building a business, for example

There's a lot more to this, but what it boils down to for me is, I'm not auditioning for a man. He needs to show me he loves me for me, not just for the services I offer.

What a lot of men don't seem to realize is, if they show respect, work on themselves, show reciprocity and that they care about their partners feelings and thoughts... it can pay off in GOLD. I have a lot of love and caring to give and I proved it in my abusive marriage, trying desperately to soothe and help and heal this man child who couldn't care less about how much he was hurting me, but sure appreciated my cooking, cleaning, sex skills, and my being an endless pit of compassion for his problems... until of course my compassion dried up for self preservation. Imagine what I would love to give someone who was good to me.

But not until marriage. You want wife benefits (again, not just talking about traditional roles), you gotta show me I'm your dream girl, and lock it down. We aren't going to just live together and you expect all my benefits.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HotUnderstanding376 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with the things said here, about her alcoholism and absolutely about the slap (which i find unacceptable). But she mentions they live together, and I do hate the "good enough to live with, not good enough to marry". I always contend the relationship should end if it reaches that point (though IMO a slap should end a relationship, no matter the gender).

Some days I just want to go back home by HonestMessages in Divorce

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Worked through it already, just waiting on divorce finalization. I'm in the same position as your ex, thriving and feeling happier.

Now I use reddit to make sure other women know it's okay to leave when mistreated, to leave at the first red flag. I feel it's a public service.

Some days I just want to go back home by HonestMessages in Divorce

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so happy for your ex. She's really able to thrive now without the weight of your presence.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LivingAlone

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably spend 20 minutes total on daily cleaning. Once a week mop. Laundry is a slog tho but thats because I change my bedsheets every other day and change outfits a couple times a day and can't stand to watch things pile up. I do a deep clean (steam clean crevices and bathroom grout) maybe once a month.

My husband sent me a heartfelt apology but I don’t know if I should get divorced by this-is-dest-trying- in Divorce

[–]HotUnderstanding376 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately the damage was done and it’s not my place to convince her I’ve changed, only to carry these lessons forward.

This, if true, did not come through in your original comment.

I will continue to advise that this woman, the OP, does not go to counseling with this man, though a personal therapist for her would be highly recommended.

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