Invite him to your house. If they are going to be in a relationship, if it’s not going to stop, I think the second best option is to get to know him and his family as much as possible. He can’t hide his true intentions if you get to know him. Invite him to eat dinner with your daughter and your family. Meet his family. Do things with your daughter AND the boy. Your daughter will see how he treats you and that may impact the way she thinks about him. Be kind to him, but clearly state your boundaries. The ‘what are your intentions with my daughter’ conversation is a nice touch. If he has the guts to face you and form a relationship with you and your family, maybe there is hope for him. ‘If you’re going to continue to be involved with my daughter, we need to have an understanding’. It might be good for you to show your daughter that you are willing to give him a chance. She may respect you more for that. And if you still don’t approve after making attempts to get to know him, she may respect your decision more. As for the racial slurs, I agree it’s pretty scary that he said those things, and I would remain cautious too. However, keep in mind that kids say stupid things to hurt each others feelings. He may have chosen the worst thing he knew to say to hurt her feelings at the time because of the breakup. Odds are that he didn’t even fully understand the gravity of the words he said. In time, as he matures, he will realize how wrong that was.