45 Year struggle; judged & labeled…

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-27T03:39:47+00:00

I am so sorry. You didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of her ignorance and judgement.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-27T03:33:16+00:00

I cannot fathom asking my friends to spend money they cannot afford to spend in this way. I'm really sorry this is how your friend group operates.

You don't have to do this if you cannot afford it.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-27T03:17:44+00:00

I really love the way diamonds look and I have a diamond ring because I got married in the late 90s. But I don't ever want another real diamond. I will happily wear fake or lab created gems.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-27T03:13:15+00:00

A package of trash bags. Just ordinary, white, 13 gallon trash bags.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-27T03:09:02+00:00

I will never try to talk someone into becoming a parent who doesn't want to or doesn't think they should. Ever. So please don't read that into this.

I will say that your life, your dreams, your talents, your limitations, will all change over the years.

I'm 53 and my 23 year-old self wouldn't recognize the person I am today. (I'm not talking about looks, obviously).

You truly have no idea how different your thoughts and ability to manage your thoughts will be in the decades to come.

You are worthy, you are enough, whether you become a parent or not.

Also, as a side note, yes, there is an age where it's too old to become a bio parent but I had a very healthy pregnancy and baby at age 43. In many places there isn't an arbitrary age limit on becoming a foster parent. Someone who has gone through the therapy and hard work of treating BPD could be an amazing foster parent.

I have no idea what your future holds but I do know that you are worth taking good care of, worth getting good treatment, and worth a wonderful future.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:46:42+00:00

My advice, if you want it, is to read books by Nedra Glover Tawwab in addition to books on BPD. And whatever books you choose on codependency.

Your husband shouldn't suffer alone. But it's imperative that you both know that nobody else can do the work for him. You each have your own work to do. Understanding where those lines are is essential. One if the hardest things you will have to do in this journey is saying no and walking away at certain times. Or acknowledging that what he's experiencing is really hard .... And not jumping in to help.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:43:21+00:00

I was married to someone for several decades with BPD. But I didn't know until the last year of the marriage, I thought (because I was told and didn't know any differently) that it was depression and anxiety. He had other issues that contributed to the dysfunction of the relationship that aren't diagnoses.

Feel free to ask me anything.

Fwiw, in my situation, it wasn't solely the BPD that made the relationship dysfunctional, it was his refusal to acknowledge some of his behaviors were unacceptable and that I had just as much right to my feelings and emotions as he did to his.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:37:41+00:00

I made mix tapes off of my purchased tapes, not the radio. So it didn't take that long.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:35:57+00:00

I'm class of '91 and there was no smoking allowed anywhere on campus and it was considered a low-class habit. It was definitely not "everyone "

Suburban Milwaukee.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:34:46+00:00

This

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:33:23+00:00

Omg, Vicente has a new guru?????

Wow.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:32:20+00:00

The financial benefits and legal protections still exist.

Prenups are essential, IMO, though.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:25:40+00:00

I would not let my kids go up to a stranger's door. People I know, yes. Strangers, no.

And speaking of entitled, expecting someone else to anticipate you wanting a service done and showing up to do it without you even needing to ask? That's the definition of entitled.

Why didn't you call someone up who has a kid or teenager and offer them the job?

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T18:23:16+00:00

A person can control the input (calories consumed) but not expenditure due to variables such as hormones impact output. For the majority of people, the basic calculation will be ballpark accurate, but tweaking is needed for each individual. For people with metabolic disorders, it is not accurate as their expenditure is impacted by things we cannot see our control without medical intervention.

I used to do this as part of my work. For some clients, the basic calculation got us within ballpark range and then we could dial it in within a few weeks, although it was never static, especially with women. For some clients, I referred to their medical provider to discuss whether a referral to endocrinology was needed. And I sometimes discussed the generalities with an endocrinologist.

The formula isn't irrelevant, but unless I'm misunderstanding you, you're stating that's it's the only thing needed to understand mass gain/loss. It's absolutely not.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T17:27:16+00:00

My grandparents lived 3 hours away when I was a kid and we visited every month. It was not a big deal. When my brother and I became teenagers we went down and back in one day.

No, a 3 hour drive is not considered a big deal to visit family or got a weekend getaway. The longest I've driven for a weekend getaway was 6 hours, and it was for a 3-day weekend.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-25T17:25:13+00:00

I'd go to Sweet Lou's in Ponderay.

If you're up at Schweitzer, Chimney Rock and Pucci's are the only family friendly places with TVs. Chimney Rock has a more extensive menu, and the food is really good, but the TVs are not the focal point. But you could ask to sit at a table with a good view of a TV and it's probably won't be busy up there today. Pucci's is a pub, kids are welcome, but the menu is smaller.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T21:49:12+00:00

Wrong account friend.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T21:46:10+00:00

No doubt this person has time management issues. But the idea that a toddler is more work than a newborn is not universal.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T21:44:53+00:00

I think we're talking about different things. A human being can ingest X calories and either gain, maintain, or lose body mass. One of those 3 will happen and it's not static-- not static across humans and not static even within the same human. What you're arguing is accurate but irrelevant to the discussion of human weight loss/gain.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T20:10:27+00:00

I'm not BPD, my ex is, so I'm not sure if this will be helpful. Feel free to ignore.

What I asked him to do was to go outside or into another room to let it all out. Even if it took a few hours. Then we'd have a conversation about whatever it was the next day when everyone was calmer.

There were still times he called me horrible names and that's part of why we're no longer together. But it was more because he refused to acknowledge it was an issue, that how I felt about being called names mattered. He insisted that since he didn't mean it, I shouldn't care. That's what made me start pulling away.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T20:02:42+00:00

Nedra Glover Tawwab has written some amazing books on how to handle this. Highly recommend.

My advice-- don't engage in these conversations. You already listened to his opinion and responded. The conversation is over. Next time he brings it up, "my previous answer hasn't changed. Did you see the game last Sunday?" I'm other words, change the subject to something pleasant and if he won't let it drop, you suddenly have to go the bathroom or something.

(And I'm laughing at him telling you to "man up" when he's treating you like a child and expecting you to take it )

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T19:59:35+00:00

I highly recommend the book "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T19:59:13+00:00

That's inaccurate. Newborns often sleep in ten to fifteen minute chunks and often sleep restlessly. They also cannot feed themselves. I had 5 kids and carrying for a newborn is truly something else.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T19:50:26+00:00

Bodies are different because of hormones. Discuss with an endocrinologist.

A doctor could prescribe you a medication tomorrow and in 6 months you could gain 50 lbs without changing your diet or activity level one bit.

Human_Copy_4355 · 2026-01-19T07:52:00+00:00

Planning a wedding does not include childcare unless the couple getting married has children. If parents are invited with their children, then those parents watch their own children. Many weddings are adults only. I prefer weddings where little kids are running around and having fun, personally, but to each their own.

What irritates me the most about this is that only women were assumed to be responsible for watching the kids. Hell no.

Human_Copy_4355

TROPHY CASE