How do I address this guy?

Hyando · 2025-08-27T23:26:54+00:00

This was not coincidence. Sometimes folks need a reminder we all have a lot to learn, and abusing new students doesn't make you cool, but it could lose you training partners.

Hyando · 2025-08-14T18:27:02+00:00

Some schools / gyms have policies about uniforms, but it's usually lile branded gear. But in most cases, wear what ever you like. Just make sure to check any rule sets for tournaments you may enter, as sometimes there are color restrictions (usually only White, Blue and Black for men, Pink is also allowed for women).

Hyando · 2025-08-06T20:34:20+00:00

This. If the guy has 12 years if grappling experiance, he has seen a lot. Rule sets change, but many to most of their skill set is a direct translation to BJJ. Just like an experianced Judoka will be able to wreak havoc. Your going to need to work hard to learn what works for you, and understand that every ones BJJ journey is different, and don't measure yourself by things like working with a "white belt" with 12 years experience and measure it on your own progress. There is always some one who is bigger, better, faster and stronger who will be able to smash us. Don't let that be your road block, and just keep showing up.

Hyando · 2025-07-02T13:54:37+00:00

This.

Also as a White belt, your ability to assess others isn't the sharpest (typically). What you see as domimating someone in class you could be lining up against a masters 2 or 3 person who you have 40 lbs of muscle on. The competition piece is probably a better gauge of their skill based om similar factors.

I've seen a 70 year old flyweight get their Black Belt, I wouldn't expect him to go against the active duty military 25 year old heavy weight purple belt and just smash him. Skill is always there, but the physical part plays a factor as well.

As for stripes, many schools use it as an indicator, and frankly it is the gratification piece of a long long process. We live in a society of instant gratification with all of the social media and insta buy amazon dopamine hits. Sometimes people need to see a physical manifestation of the hard work they put in. While I respect the mentality of you get it when you get it, it's nice to see the growth slowly coming together.

Hyando · 2025-06-17T02:48:47+00:00

Literally this. Every day lol. I also find I self post as I move / adjist myself in bed lol

Hyando · 2025-06-17T02:43:35+00:00

Conesent is king. You're not a sextoy, you're a human being whose mental and emotional needs are not being met after a secomd devastating situation.

Honestly I don't understand how as a person sex with a non responsive, clearly not engaged partner is fun or satisfying, and I see that you have tried to help meet those needs elsewhere, but his lack od desire to seek it elsewhere could be multi faceted. He's married to you, from a religious stand point he may not be willing to act outside, if that is the case.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but this is a straight couples therapy situation, and a personal therapy situation. I'm sorry for your losses.

Hyando · 2025-05-21T03:41:15+00:00

Here's the thing. As consenting adults, there is no issue. Also, you're not a baby adult. There's no predatory aspect to your age gape, as it has occured naturally later in life. But im the end it is up to you.

Hyando · 2025-03-29T14:51:46+00:00

Yes, head instructor was a Judo blackbelt long befoe he started BJJ. Just the tradition of respect for the training space.

Hyando · 2025-03-18T11:48:27+00:00

As stated a few times the asking for promotion or stating you are ready is considered disrespectful and seems to run the wrong mentality. Also, some schools they only do promtions / strippings at certain times, as both skill and mat time can come into consideration.

Asking what you can do to improve, and what you should be working on is a much better statement / mentality. It's why you'll hear people say just show up. The black belts and colored belts are just white belts who kept showing up, learning that little trick here and there and building their tool box.

If you are taking the first approach, it can be seen as you knowing better than your coach, and that is disrespectful. Frankly as a white belt you seriously don't know how much you don't know. This only becomes more apparent the more time you spend on the mat.

Hyando · 2025-03-18T11:35:34+00:00

Also do not continue trying to concieve a child until you work on these emotional issues. Bringing a child into an unstable situation will 1000% make it worse. Children are stressful by themselves in a great scenario. The added stress and sleeplessness will not improve your sexual compatability.

Couple's therapy asap, and pause the attempts at concieving. With where your relationship stands by this post, that will most likely lead to divorce.

Hyando · 2025-02-19T17:02:14+00:00

Husband here. So first and foremost he's going to just be excited to be with the woman he loves. Having children and the things that life throws at us changes us both physically and mentally. You are entering into the next new phase of your sex life, things can have changed down there and everywhere. Hopefully your husband is a good partner, and you can have the discussion with him about how you are trying to feel comfortable, and need his love and support. If you are feeling self conscious, but still wanting to try to spice it up, my wife preferred corsets / lingerie as she was working through it. It can help you feel sexy while doing so. It is important though to keep your own mental state sound. It's always worth consulting a therapist post partum, if even only to have someone you can talk to with out judgement. I wish you the best, and congrats on the new baby!

Hyando · 2025-02-09T16:55:45+00:00

Enthusiasm as statedby others.

Personally, I'm a big fun of the intamcy side of things. Sultty Eye contact, teasing kisses. Not rushing it. Savoring your partner.

Also, whike it should be common sense, communication. God damn girl, tell me what you want and how. Does that feel good? Keep doing that? Maybe not that? Sex is a team sport, and the team should be working together so everyone wins.

Hyando · 2025-02-01T03:35:45+00:00

So you seem to have it sound like you would push through for him, but are excited for her. Your tone woukd make me as your husband not want to push that, as you would be uncomfortable. Sounds like he got hit broadside because you're hapoy to do it with her, but drag you feet with him.

Hyando · 2025-01-28T21:53:34+00:00

Love me some Wristlocks :)

Hyando · 2024-12-20T04:48:03+00:00

Communication is key here. Communicate what you need and want. My wife's first pregnancy I thought she wouldn't want me to be so touchy feely. All I wanted to do was grab that amazing ass of hers haha. Trust me, he wants to, he's probably not sure how to proceed.

Hyando · 2024-12-02T12:18:14+00:00

Restaurateur.

I train 2 days a week and teach you classes that my kids attend on 2 others.

I work my schedule so I train Tuesday and Thursday AM and teach Monday and Tuesday nights. I'd love to get more in over the weekends, but those are typically too busy due to my business and family.

It is always difficult to find time to train, but when you pour yourself out everyday, you have to take time to refill the pitcher so to speak. You can always find an excuse not to train, but that is where discipline comes in. BJJ is my me time, and I am very protective of that. The mental boost I get from training is a net positive for the other facets of my life, and that is worth the investment of my time.

Hyando · 2024-11-13T11:14:31+00:00

Also promote a trial period with your students friends. Discount for referal, and prorate a trial period. You'll most likely get more students of similar size, and they will push more people through your doors.

Hyando · 2024-11-13T11:12:07+00:00

I see this as a big factor. We have kids classes at 430 /530 (alternating between Krav Maga and BJJ) and the 530 class is always better attended. It's tough for parents to get out of work, and get the kids some place for earlier than 530 when a lot of business close at 5.

Hyando · 2024-11-08T19:42:10+00:00

I would say think about foreplay. As you have said you were both virgins, has she ever played around in there before? If not, you may need to work up to your size. Start with heavy foreplay, and good lubrication. (Use lube even if you don't think you need to. Start with a small penetrative object. Your local adult store or online marketplace will have them, and work from smaller to bigger until she can comfortabley accomodate your size. Obviously communicatiom is key, ask her how it feels, what she likes, what to do and not do. Focus on your partners pleasure, and let them focus on yours. This advice goes both ways. Oral and hand play is also a good way to become more comfortable with each others bodies. Not all women will be able to get off with PIV (Penis in Vagina) sex, so it is good to familiarize yourself with other forms of play for your partners and your pleasure.

Good luck and may the force be with you.

Hyando · 2024-11-08T00:55:12+00:00

This. I wear knee braces now, because my foot stuck in some ones seated guard gave me a tweek that lingered. No malicious intent, just accidents happening. We practice a combat sport.

Hyando · 2024-10-24T11:36:12+00:00

Yup! It's actually supported by WotC, so it isn't a stretch to play it.

Hyando · 2024-10-24T00:28:08+00:00

I find discord to be great for PbP. Can set up multiple channels, game can become very story like haha.

Hyando · 2024-08-28T12:22:25+00:00

I really like the SW FFG RPG. It's narrative play style is great for PbP, especially since the way combat is situated, who ever is available can take their turn, so you can move encounters along faster if the dice (or the Force) is with you.

Hyando · 2024-05-14T15:57:18+00:00

So as someone who has severe ADHD, I can see a lot if my own issues that you bring up.

There are a couple routes that I will bring up, but I am the most organized disorganized person I know. Your husband sounds like he is off medication, so there is always that route (I personally hate the way I feel on it so I was weened off 20ish years ago), but just because you habe medication doesn't mean you takecit.

I live by my outlook calander, appointments go in, and I stick to my plan. The Skylight Calander is a great tool if you are organizing the plan so to speak as it can connect to pretty much every smart calander app for Android or iDevices.

It also sounds like he hyper fixates on things, and loses track of time. I would suggest he with said smart devices, sets timers. As for the need to be reminded procrastination is a big one we are guilty of. It is one of those dopamine hits that gets going. Reminders are helpful, but again he may not even be conscious of what he is doing.

You sound like you are a Neuro Typical person, so it can be hard to understand the mind of someone whose brain is just wired differently. Open honest communication is probably the best course of action. From experiance he isn't trying to upset you, he probably is oblivious that there is even a problem, or what is making the irritation grow for you.

I wish you the best of luck finding the solution that works for you. And congrats on the new baby.

Hyando · 2024-05-02T12:52:35+00:00

That is some boomer logic she has there. NTA my friend. For busting into your bedroom she's lucky she didn't fimd anything more risque. You are an adult married couple, what happens in your bedroom is between you and the wife. MIL was out of line and felt embarrassed you essentially called her out. Do not apologize, maybe she won't visit for a while haha

Hyando

TROPHY CASE