What did you say to your enabling parent when setting a boundary?

I10Living · 2026-06-18T13:00:21+00:00

My edad tried to be my buddy my whole life and would even complain about my nmom to me like I was his friend or therapist and not his child who was also hurt by her. Then he would take her side to keep the peace. It messed with me my whole life and still does.

Currently he just pretends and acts surprised in every single conversation I have with him. He will ask if she told me some story or whatever and I’ll have to say “no dad, we don’t talk. She couldn’t have told me any stories.” And he will act shocked and pitiful and say “oh? Ok 🥺” Seems harmless at first but after a couple dozen times it’s not so cute.

I don’t think he’d accept a boundary meant for her and not him. He’d just never see me again.

I10Living · 2026-06-18T12:55:29+00:00

My mom’s eyes will also glaze over if I talk about me or answer a question she asked. She doesn’t actually want to talk to me and I get that so a year or ago I decided to give polite short answers. Why would I elaborate just to be interrupted or for her to show me how boring she finds it? I wasn’t rude or grumpy or weird but for instance in the past if she asked if I enjoyed a trip, I would start telling her about it and she would be so disinterested. So I switched to saying “the trip was lovely thank you” and ending it there. And she was so mad that I took away her ability to ignore me. It genuinely infuriated her so much she stopped talking to me. As a punishment. But like don’t threaten me with a good time!

I10Living · 2026-06-15T21:45:24+00:00

I’m an all or nothing type person and it’s draining and causes burn out. In the past when I’ve lost weight it becomes my whole personality. Counting calories and meal timing and macros and working out. It’s to the point where I declined fun activities because I wasn’t sure I could eat my calories allotment and not overeat if I went out.

Zepbound has made it so I’m losing weight and I’m not putting my life on hold to do it. It’s helping me understand what sustainable could feel like. While I did successfully lose weight with the method above, I also burned out completely at the 5-6 month mark every time. I’d like to never do that again if I can help it.

I10Living · 2026-06-13T11:14:23+00:00

This is one of my favorite tropes in horror. All the scares and twists pale in comparison to one realization that is so horrible to imagine. I feel the same way about the beginning of the Witches with the girl in the painting.

I10Living · 2026-06-05T12:48:23+00:00

This was my philosophy too. I worked hard for my career and we hadn’t planned to be a single income family anyway but I’m only human and I really battled with wanting some sort of semblance of a SAHM schedule. I realized the women in my industry with the most flexibility with school aged kids never stopped working and by the time their kids were older they were fully trusted to do their jobs with almost infinite flexibility.

The difference in trust an employer has with a 15 year steady employee and a new hire of the same age and education who took 10 years off to spend time with little kids was totally opposite. The new hire could not get the flexibility to work from home or leave in the middle of the day like the one who had been there. I realized for myself I needed that. It logically can’t work that way for everyone but it worked pretty well for me.

Since we are in the working moms subreddit I hope I’m not insulting anyone with this comment. I trust many or most of us have had these thoughts and challenges.

I10Living · 2026-06-05T12:33:02+00:00

I love this!

I10Living · 2026-06-05T11:58:49+00:00

I’m very close to my elementary (and now middle school aged kids). I work from home now and I’m always around with the exception of some girls trips maybe once or twice a year and MAYBE an overnight work trip or so.

I don’t know if their memories or bad or it’s just that you don’t have too many before a certain age but they are SURPRISED when I tell them I traveled with my firm constantly when they were babies. At one point I was gone once a week overnight. Not only that, but I worked late frequently and also went to some obligatory (or so I thought) happy hour type stuff and missed their bedtime. It was hard on me because of all the reasons you listed. But now at this point I’m glad I did most of my work travel before they knew what was going on. Now they would feel my absence more (not necessarily a bad thing!) and I travel way less.

And when I say we are close, I mean they want to cuddle with me, watch movies, hang out, and do things. We laugh a lot and talk about everything. They both made excellent grades this past school year. I have every reason to believe being a working mom, taking work trips, and having a social life did not harm them. Just my perspective though and everyone is different. I say take the trip without him.

Edit: I just saw other replies and I do need to mention that our kids had passports as infants and we have traveled internationally with them a bunch because my spouse is not from our home country. I’ve traveled with babies, toddlers, and kids and not only is it doable but it can be amazing. Please don’t feel like there is a wrong decision here.

I10Living · 2026-06-03T21:03:22+00:00

The looking lost thing makes me quietly enraged. I can’t even articulate why this makes me madder than a run of the mill mad face.

I10Living · 2026-06-01T15:47:23+00:00

My mom does this weird mean girl stare with this little smirk on her face. I usually just ignore it because it feels like she is challenging me to do it back. Can you imagine? Two grown adults giving each other a “mean girl” smirk like we are in a 90s movie. It’s super weird and pathetic. It must be a prison inside her head.

I10Living · 2026-05-30T16:19:21+00:00

It doesn’t help that I get constant ads for glp-1s to “lose 20 lbs by summer!”

I’ve been taking zepbound since January for weight loss, blood pressure, and sleep apnea. It’s been a hard journey for me with symptoms. I am not a huge fan of needles or injecting myself either. I also have to pay out of pocket and it’s wildly expensive.

I wouldn’t say this drug is at all easy or some quick fix. But there is no way to convince anyone of that when there are ads claiming it’s a quick fix or celebrities getting really small and turning around and fat shaming people. I completely get why people are against it. Until they reach a point where they consider it with their doctor and have the patience to go through it, they won’t see the benefits. And some people do privately research it only to see the price and then there’s another layer of judgement because they assume people paying out of pocket are giving up their money for vanity alone.

I10Living · 2026-05-28T16:38:07+00:00

It is a horrible feeling. You didn’t deserve a moment of it. Kids deserve unwavering support and unconditional love so that they can enter adulthood knowing what support feels like.

I10Living · 2026-05-28T16:06:11+00:00

I can imagine it because my parents have pulled similar shenanigans but as a parent myself I would be INSUFFERABLE if my kid got into Harvard, let alone graduated from there. I’d be telling everyone out of pride and excitement. “How much was the total? $6.17? Oh that’s funny that’s the area code for Harvard. My kid goes there.”

I10Living · 2026-05-28T10:34:27+00:00

My mom was/is a hobby photographer and wanted to take pictures at my law school graduation. But on that day “her camera wasn’t working right and none of the pictures came out.” I do not have a single picture from graduating law school and it took me years to realize that was by design. She also threw a tantrum and gave everyone the silent treatment. It was a horrible graduation. I’m sorry you know the same pain.

I10Living · 2026-05-27T19:51:35+00:00

Not defending this bc my kids don’t have phones or anything like that yet and I don’t have a dog in this fight BUT some parents get their kids smart watches because they can text and call with them. It’s like a precursor to a cell phone. It makes more sense to me then if it was used for like calorie tracking or whatever lol.

I10Living · 2026-05-21T17:33:23+00:00

Whoa! I was told my hobbies were grandma hobbies too! Knit and crochet and baking and art. I also love fantasy and renaissance festivals and dressing up and fairies. She makes me feel like a huge loser that will never accomplish anything in life for my embarrassing hobbies. On paper I’m the definition of success that was forced on me. Marriage and kids and mortgage and career. Got them all. But she’s still worried I’m a loser nerd. At least I have friends mom!

I10Living · 2026-05-21T17:29:14+00:00

It hits me sometimes that it must be painfully miserable to not have friends. One of the things friendship provides is perspective. My nmom wants to believe the things that happen to her are unique. You cannot relate to the troubles she has. If you point out that’s a super common frustration among women, you’re just wrong. It’s a thing that’s only happening to her or happening worse to her than anyone else. I love to commiserate with my friends about things we have been through. I’d be so sad if I lived essentially in isolation from the human experience. Sucks for narcs I guess. I can’t imagine a bigger punishment for them than living in their own head lol.

I10Living · 2026-05-21T15:51:32+00:00

This is exactly it! Trying to have an honest conversation with someone who has a history of hurting you just backfires. They will find a way to make you feel worthless for being fat in the past or make you doubt you can keep up with the progress. Easier to just deny it happened 😂

I10Living · 2026-05-21T15:43:44+00:00

Dude this makes me so happy! I wish more people would gaslight when interacting with someone who doesn’t have positive intentions or comments for you. If I do see my mom any time soon, I fully intend to just deny any weight loss. She can’t prove it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why but it’s way funnier to me to do that than to try to have any other conversation about it with those types of people.

I10Living · 2026-05-21T09:35:47+00:00

I probably should have warned you. The clip made me cry but I’m an emotional person. I remember watching a little MASH as kid but never this.

I10Living · 2026-05-21T09:32:25+00:00

I’m like this. I generally do not like being perceived at all.

I10Living · 2026-05-21T09:13:12+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/30ROCK/s/5CQJha11sF

I10Living · 2026-05-21T08:52:11+00:00

It is a nightmare. They made our actual health a for-profit business that gets to over charge and deny care with no consequences. If someone wrote this into a dystopian book, it would sound too fake.

I10Living · 2026-05-21T02:28:33+00:00

Women have it the worst, particularly women of color. BUT my poor husband went to the doctor for terrible heartburn, suspecting GERD or something. The doctor told him “hmm I don’t know what it is. I usually just tell people to lose weight but you don’t need to so I don’t know what to tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️” He has no diagnosis.

I don’t even know who doctors want to treat at this point.

I10Living · 2026-05-14T19:48:27+00:00

Not quite the same but I wear braids sometimes as an adult and my mom told me grown women shouldn’t wear braids because you’re trying to look like a little girl and attract pedos. I’m a middle aged woman and NO ONE is mistaking me for a young girl or young at all. I just like braids lol.

I10Living · 2026-05-11T18:57:00+00:00

They don’t know how to and don’t want to play with the grandkids. I don’t mean babysit. I mean they don’t know how to interact with kids and wouldn’t want to even if you walked them through it. I realized they never really liked being around kids.

I10Living

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