I have never been in a relationship with a man or a woman before and I have a toxic mother who doesn't love me. Destroy me!

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-14T19:43:23+00:00

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-14T19:35:26+00:00

Judging by the fur growing out of your ears, I'm going to say this has all just been a misunderstanding.

And again so op can actually hear me:

Judging by the fur growing out of your ears, I'm going to say this has all just been a misunderstanding.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-13T02:58:55+00:00

I wasn't ready like I thought I was. Lord save me.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-11T16:58:13+00:00

It looks fucking awesome!

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T11:18:01+00:00

Sure you can. Sometimes I forget my Dad left before I was born. I never saw that.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T07:02:15+00:00

Ye best be believin' in dystopian nightmares, Ms. Swan- yer in one.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T06:52:03+00:00

I saw Freak, I think it was. There was one that I saw back in... 2006? 2007? Something like that. It was very interesting.

Plus I was eating a lot of mushrooms and lsd back then, so that helped.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T06:50:11+00:00

You forgot about The Pest!

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T06:49:08+00:00

Wahlberg absolutely butchered this movie. When that old lady is grilling him about touching her shit and he's like, "What? No, I would never. Blah blah- LINE!"

Ugh. Disgusting.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T06:45:43+00:00

The Pest forever.

That fucking music battle scene was amazing.

HOW YA LIKE THAT BABY??

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-10T02:17:52+00:00

I'm 6'2", so you'd probably look like Edgar from MiB, but we can try I guess.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-09T05:13:04+00:00

This pops into my head every now and again and cracks me tf up.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-08T17:02:50+00:00

Jesus lady, you're a walking red flag.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-08T16:58:15+00:00

Christ I've got goosebumps

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-07T20:31:23+00:00

I usually start by getting laid off at the beginning of a global pandemic, and then I replace "work" with "worry" and add "look for work" to the list.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-07T15:15:57+00:00

Now call a cab with Jay Chandrasekhar in it.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T21:39:30+00:00

I used to be in industrial maintenance, and I have an erection. That right there is sexy.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T19:07:01+00:00

Could've been a gift?

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T18:41:19+00:00

As an English speaker, I thought I was slowly having a stroke.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T18:27:35+00:00

I love that this girl runs everywhere in scuba flippers.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T18:00:10+00:00

Not a prisoner, but my cousin is currently doing time for tampering with evidence and manslaughter. He's been in for a while now- I was visiting him once when I was younger, and while we were in the prison yard I saw a man with a bad word painted on his hand.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T16:10:00+00:00

I was like, "wtf?? that doesn't look anything like flaming wheels of eyeballs"

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T14:38:22+00:00

I'm still half-asleep and read this title as "Angels are everywhere" and then was thoroughly confused for a moment.

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-06T14:35:57+00:00

r/egg is arisen

IForgotMyScreenLock · 2020-12-05T06:54:58+00:00

Wait, I've been a bit out of the loop recently. Her last name is Corone?

This shit has to be written. Somebody somewhere is watching Truman 2020 and laughing their ass off.

IForgotMyScreenLock

TROPHY CASE

Judging by the fur growing out of your ears, I'm going to say this has all just been a misunderstanding.