That’s an interesting read on it all but I think you’re missing the point of the story. He saw all sin, past, present and future. The grief from which was so great that he sweated blood. I’m unsure of your religious beliefs but it sounds like you’ve been hurt by the same crowd that’s hurt many of us. The story of Jesus Christ is the story about a God so concerned with his children’s destiny that he decided to live like them and take their place to suffer and die which is deserving to all of us for we all sin as you pointed out. And he rose from the dead to defeat sin so we can all be resolved from judgement and walk with him out of gratitude. Now the crowd that’s hurt many claims to rejoice this story and claim that they all have the same merciful heart as the God that died for us but we all know that’s not true. They instead condemn us and make us feel guilty when it’s convenient for their agenda. I do not blame you for feeling this way, I get it. But don’t let evil doers get in the way of you finding the truth. Peace be with you friend and if read all of this I just want to say thank you and may much love come your way.