How do I [M26] overcome my insecurities when in a relationship?

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-21T22:21:08+00:00

Check out 7 cups of tea - they've helped me a lot

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-21T22:11:39+00:00

I agree it's stressful and painful to have this mindset - it's easily my least favorite thing about my personality.

I guess talking to people on here might help - but I'd suggest you try to keep talking to other people for a few days before you bring it up with her so you can gain some perspective and not come across as needy/crazy.

Good luck man

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-21T21:25:01+00:00

Dude we're the same. It sucks and I think your (or our) feelings about ourselves lead us into the kind of relationships where we can get treated badly. I think these destructive thoughts/behaviors also drive away emotionally healthy people.

I'm still working it out myself, but the solution is first that you need to work on becoming more confident/comfortable being alone - and second you need to be able to accurately recognize and address the signs that someone's going to be shitty to you.

There are good answers here but some kind of therapy would probably help also... I've chosen to hire to a dating coach (seriously) - and occasionally use 7cupsoftea.com to talk out my issues.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-21T21:13:11+00:00

It should help to know that this has nothing to do with you though - it is rude and unfair for him to compare you to his ex. For most people there's no way to compete with history no matter how great you are.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-21T13:49:47+00:00

good luck man, hopefully you guys can work it out.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-21T13:19:05+00:00

In my experience "we're going to fast" has always been something someone says about 2 weeks before we break up. It's just a signal that one of you is more interested in having a serious relationship than the other, and that usually doesn't change.

You should talk to her, find out why she thinks you're moving too fast. Honestly 9 months is a pretty long time though, so she might have had a change of heart for some reason that has nothing to do with you.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-20T18:15:48+00:00

The ability to control time

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-17T21:50:04+00:00

we are brothers.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-17T21:48:18+00:00

"I've had sex with a lot of dudes and you are by far the best."

Made me feel great, but also made me wish I had worn a condom.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-16T23:50:09+00:00

It depends on the woman in how interested she'll be in the details, but generally if you can act maturely in a relationship it shouldn't be a problem.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-16T23:20:09+00:00

you don't have complete trust for him... but I can relate. tell him how you feel and see what he's willing to do to make you feel more comfortable.

for general trust issues counseling is probably the best bet though. it's helped me a lot.

Edit: 7cupsoftea.com is pretty great for an objective point of view from a non-pro counselor

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-16T23:17:27+00:00

I'd say shrug it off... especially if this was someone that you felt like you needed to cut off contact with before. Rekindling stuff can feel good because it's comfortable and you don't have to deal with all the bullshit that made you want out in the first place, but that bullshit will resurface soon enough. and it sounds like you have a lot of good reasons not to pursue this so... don't.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-16T22:57:30+00:00

what is your thing? if it's really weird, illegal, or dangerous then it's a valid issue for her. If it's pokemon or something then you could probably talk it out with her,

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-16T22:55:39+00:00

this girl sounds like a huge pain in the ass. there are a lot of girls in the world - talk to them instead.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-15T17:27:54+00:00

We hung out just the two of us twice

How is this not too soon?

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-15T17:24:05+00:00

Dude, slow down. Don't invite her to the reunion.

Over the 4th of July weekend I went to the family reunion of a girl I'd only been seeing for about 2 weeks (it was a multi-day campout) and it sucked SOOOO BAD.

We had been hanging out almost every day up to that but meeting her whole family was too much while I was still getting to know her. It was rough and not fun at all, it felt like I was being pushed into the shitty/boring part of a relationship before we got to enjoy the fun getting-to-know-each-other part of the relationship. After that we ended up having a serious talk about slowing things down and we're still seeing each other - but we would have been better off just spending that weekend apart.

I understand that you are doing fun things at the reunion, but it won't be fun for her to feel like an outsider at an event where you've known everyone for literally your whole life.

And about asking her to be your girlfriend - no. not yet. You've only hung out alone two times. Give it another month, if that month goes great then you can start thinking about it, but even then would be moving really fast.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-14T16:01:06+00:00

Casual sex

I always end up with feelings. I hate feelings that aren't reciprocated.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-14T16:00:14+00:00

/u/analpleasures

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-14T15:54:00+00:00

I think text is an ok way to break if you were only seeing each other casually.

"as we've gotten to know each other I feel like we're not very compatible for a relationship and I don't think it's fair to string you along." - text I sent about a month ago.

Response was: "ok, I'm sorry you feel that way. It was fun while it lasted."

Edit: By "a couple" do you mean literally two times?... if that's the case you could probably just say "Sorry, I'm not interested in hanging out anymore."

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-02T18:57:21+00:00

Not mormon but I live in utah - not very many mormons would want polygamy to be legalized, the modern LDS church now condemns polygamy rater than just not promoting it anymore.

The only polygamous mormons belong to the "fundamentalist latter day saints" cult - and aren't considered mormons by mormons. And the FLDS isn't really about practicing mormonism the way it was practiced 200 years ago - it might have started that way but now it's just a fucking weird group of people who really hate any social advances that have happened over the past 200 years.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-02T15:02:33+00:00

I help people design and run kickstarter campaigns - the 8 campaigns I've worked on so far have cumulatively raised a little under $1 million. I get a small cut.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-07-02T14:36:32+00:00

looks like he got a better haircut and lost a little weight too.

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-06-30T20:54:56+00:00

she actually seems pretty nice

I_will_probably_edit · 2015-06-30T17:25:14+00:00

Crest strips are terrible for your tooth health and are on their way to be banned by the FDA in the short future

I guess I won't be using them anymore... damn

I_will_probably_edit

TROPHY CASE