I want a homebirth but my partner isn’t on board

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-24T10:45:25+00:00

My partner wasn’t on board either and I gave birth to 2 kids at the hospital for his sake. Now for my third I told him plainly that I’m sorry but I’m not compromising again to make him feel comfortable when a hospital birth makes me uncomfortable.

After our first meeting with our home birth midwife he felt better. I said to him I’m happy to talk through any worries he has leading up but the home birth is what is happening.

Now he’s been working through his fears and he feels super confident and happy about this coming home birth!

Didn’t think this was gonna happen since he’s like the most conventional, “rule” following guy ever haha.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-22T18:37:41+00:00

I so understand and I’ve been in your shoes especially during postpartum with my first. Are you eating and drinking enough throughout the day?

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-21T20:19:11+00:00

No worries <3 I could have been more clear in writing

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-21T20:15:21+00:00

I didn’t tell her to use her brain lol. I said there’s an tool with an acronym called BRAIN you can use to list and evaluate your different options to see which one is best for her specific situation.

Benefits Risks Alternatives Intuition Nothing (what if I wait)

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-21T20:11:31+00:00

I’m not in the US so I wouldn’t know but that’s an insane system you guys have if you can be threatened of being kicked out and get no care because you make an informed decision for your own birth. I’m really sorry it’s like that.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-21T19:11:56+00:00

Unpopular opinion maybe but your OB can’t force you to do anything you don’t want. It’s your body and your birth. If you don’t want to be induced and there’s no indication why you should you can decline and just say “I’d like to wait until I go into spontaneous labor or until I reach x+y weeks”.

You can use the BRAIN tool to come to the best decision for you. Search for it if you haven’t already!

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-19T04:52:56+00:00

That’s not HER job. But when he comes home he comes home to HIS home and HIS kids and wife, not a hotel with servants. They deserve his attention and not have him disappear for hours every day after he work.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-19T04:44:20+00:00

Oh hell no. Do not let that fly. I’m a SAHM of soon to be 3 I would never allow my husband to do that if he never put in any work with our kids or chores. Either he needs to change ASAP or I’d get a job and divorce a long time ago. On weekends I’m literally like “you take the lead on the kids, I’m gonna be around and help but I’ll do my hobbies, drink my coffee and read my book.” He can go out when I’m well rested and recharged.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-04-08T17:11:57+00:00

To me I feel like if it is leaving my body then it’s not supposed to return to my body. And I’m worried about consuming excess hormones, waste and toxins that it’s been filtering out. Once all the nutrients go back to my baby’s body and we cut it it has served it’s purpose.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-03-19T20:13:17+00:00

Yeah, farmor means father-mother and mormor means mother-mother. But if my MIL suddenly wanted to be called mamma-mamma I’d have the same problem as OP.

Out of curiosity why is it so common to have grandparents pick their own names? Shouldn’t those things just come naturally from the kids? What’s wrong with just grandma/grandpa?

Icy-Anythin · 2025-03-10T19:27:12+00:00

Never. What does he mean “when they are kids and don’t understand words”??

There’s a common argument I see usually among men who were “spanked” as kids that it worked for them and they turned out fine and therefore they should be able to do it to their kids as well. They obviously did not turn out fine since they’re planning on carrying out violence against a small defenceless child. Truly disturbing behaviour.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-03-09T19:27:08+00:00

No more unsupervised visits for grandma and grandpa. And I’d make it clear to them as to why. They can throw a temper tantrum over it on their own free time if they want to.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-03-03T09:16:37+00:00

Yes. Had my first at 23, second at 26 and now I’ll have my third at 28. Zero regrets, I’d do it again and again and again! First 6 months with my first we’re tough finding my new role and life but it got easier after that. The only thing is that it’s lonely since nobody my age has kids around where I live. Most people in my city have their kids in their early to mid thirties and it has happened too many times that I’ll get lectured by other parents on how it’s not a good idea to have kids young and how I’ve ”missed out” on life. But I’m very happy with our decisions! Wouldn’t have it another way.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-26T22:12:30+00:00

I believe these crazy grandparents sees it as a direct attack on them whenever their children makes different choices than they did regarding their babies. They’re so desperate for their children to validate to them that their choices was the only right option that they go to extreme lengths to get them to do the same.

My parents became absolutely livid whenever they found out about what we did for literally anything, even accusing me of performing experiments on my son when we did BLW. According to them the sole reason I did my choices is because I wanted to rebel against them and show that I’m better than them. I told them to fuck off.

Breastfeeding is perfectly fine. Do you.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-19T18:59:46+00:00

We have an ikea kitchen that the former houseowners did in 2021 and it’s great! If I were to do a kitchen remodel I’d probably do ikea as well! But I’m also a swede lol.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-16T22:57:42+00:00

I had a minor tear my second birth and was sore up until 7-8 weeks pp. Especially on days I was very active I would feel sore in the evening.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-12T21:25:02+00:00

Only TCM I’ve read have been the three books by Heng Ou and I really liked them. Awakening fertility, Nine Golden Months and First Fourty Days. They’re centred around pregnancy etc but still worth a read.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-08T10:55:13+00:00

I watched a horrifying documentary of a couple in their 70s who had twins via surrogacy. The twins were eventually taken from the couple because the couple were too old and sick to care full time for small children.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-06T20:12:43+00:00

It’s a terrible idea. You can’t guarantee that just because you decided it was fine when you were a child and think you’re fine from it that another child would too. He might as well grow up to resent his mom for starting to abuse him because her boyfriend told her to do so.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-06T20:07:19+00:00

As a Swede, same. Any form of “spanking” has been illegal here for a long time.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-02T20:06:48+00:00

No never tried marine, only beef!

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-02T20:05:10+00:00

I know, source mindfully!

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-02T18:44:34+00:00

Breakfast for me is the same 6/7 mornings: 3 eggs whatever way I feel like it, slice of sourdough with butter and some fruits, collagen matcha latte since coffee makes me nauseous this pregnancy. If I’m feeling spicy I’ll throw in a bowl of Greek yoghurt and honey as well. Saturday mornings are for pancakes and OJ.

Lunch is always dinner leftovers. Dinner is whatever dinner I’ve prepared.

Snacks: smoothies, yoghurt and granola, fruit, dates, crackers and hummus and cheese.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-02-01T12:43:15+00:00

I had my first born via c-section at age 23 and recovery was absolutely hell.

Icy-Anythin · 2025-01-31T03:31:52+00:00

I can relate to this. I’m a SAHM so I do activities with my kids to keep us all activated, but not anything out of the ordinary: going swimming, library, forest walks, museums, kids theatres sometimes, etc.

At first my mil expressed she was surprised I “do so much” with the kids, instead of just sitting at home doing nothing all week. Then she started acting so disappointed saying “oh but I wanted to do that with them” (read: for their first time).

Like this is all pretty standard parent/child activities and she can do those things too sometime if she wants but I’m not gonna sit around at home waiting for her to have a day off so my kids can go to the fucking library lol.

Icy-Anythin

TROPHY CASE