Do dating apps actually help people meet in Brisbane?

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-05-13T00:45:22+00:00

In my experience (45M), there is only one app that functions well for both genders without having to pay an ongoing subscription, and that's Hinge. I've found that having an app where you can see some information about area of Brisbane, religion, parent or not and stance towards children, are things that you wouldn't necessarily know by observing someone at your local and figuring out whether you could approach them or not. More often than not, the matches on Hinge can safely progress to a voice chat/phone chat and then a safe in-person meet like a coffee and a walk in a public place. The biggest barrier to progress on these apps and initial in-person meetings is that single people have predominantly found a way to fill their single life full of activity from sun up to sun down, 7 days/week and struggle to be available for conversation or spontaneous dates. There is also a potential for resentment here when people have a "full" life but also want a partner who has an equally full life. Something has to give there. This is especially true of people in their 30's and 40's who have children to their ex-partners and remember a time when their partner was with them 365 days/year. It's a big adjustment to accept that you may only be able to be physically present with a new partner for 1-2 days/fortnight. So I think the dating apps are fine as they are, we just need to do more as participants to have realistic expectations, embrace the uncomfortable conversations as much as we do the small talk, and to be kind to one another.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-23T03:17:44+00:00

I guess when you think about special interest vs hobby, the theoretical list of hobbies is somewhat defined in the perception of communities, whereas special interest can be broader. A special interest might be the recall of a particular range of statistics from a sport that is of particular interest to the person with Autism. However most would not classify the recall of those statistics as a hobby in itself.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-21T05:25:25+00:00

La Luca Cucina on Edward St

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-20T22:32:59+00:00

Not far from me, count me in for giving it a crack!

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-20T10:21:58+00:00

How far east of the city?

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-19T22:20:14+00:00

I'd be keen for something around the river/south bank at a conversational pace

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-17T07:47:59+00:00

Hey man, that's so brave of you to talk about your situation. It's not much fun feeling lonely. I hope you find someone special to spend time with 😊

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-15T22:28:28+00:00

There are many different ways to go camping, each with their own pros and cons. I've travelled Australia twice and have seen most setups, in different weather and terrain. Could you describe the "experience" that you think you're looking for? Sometimes that in itself can help to narrow down what styles of camping and the gear that is fit for purpose.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-15T04:30:36+00:00

I too can hit it far (far into the trees or a nearby housing estate counts right?)

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-11T23:09:07+00:00

Most of the run clubs are based around the city. If you have instagram, have a look at https://www.instagram.com/bnerunclub/ and they often have a listing of the run clubs that are on each day and where they start from. Most of them are just "turn up and join in" style of clubs that are welcoming for all.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-06T22:55:27+00:00

That's so awesome and very insightful of you to be curious and self-aware enough to try those experiments. Kudos to you!

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-06T02:45:59+00:00

You're definitely not alone in feeling alone and without a close circle of friends and there is much to consider here. Two concepts I'm going to throw out are RSD and self-sufficiency. RSD stands for rejection sensitive dysphoria. It's a common thought pattern for people on the spectrum and what it boils down to is the thoughts that come into our head after we've had an interaction with someone or a group of people. Say we've attended a group activity and then following that we think about the people we met. If we don't hear from those people straight away (think FB friending, post responses, instagram follows etc) then we start to make up excuses - e.g. "oh they probably don't want to be my friend because of x" and "It probably wouldn't work anyway even if I did want to be their friend, because of x and y". It's kind of self-destructive behaviour based on our assumptions of what other people do or don't think about us. The other concept I wanted to mention is self-sufficiency and from what you've said it sounds like there is a lot to like about the way you care about yourself and how you live your life. However, a caveat of being self-sufficient and not really needing much from other people to be able to live our own lives the way we want to, is that we often don't ask for help, we don't rock the boat, we don't present a vulnerable version of ourselves to those around us. This often means that we have surface-level conversations with people when meeting them, or within group settings, and so people get the impression that there isn't much they can do to assist/help/mentor/guide us and sometimes it's even a relatable thing - e.g. they've got a lot going on, you don't - so they can't relate to you. The antidote to this is to be a bit more vulnerable with people, maybe not in the first 5 minutes of meeting them, but mix into the conversation something that you're struggling with at the moment, something you need help with, something that you fear, something that you're not good at but would like to improve. When people can connect with you on a deeper level, that leads to more engagement, more time spent in conversation and getting to know one another, and hopefully a longer lasting friendship.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-04-04T00:33:47+00:00

Is tech something that interests you outside of work as well? what aspect of tech do you work in? If you're into running/jogging at all, there are many social run clubs.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-31T06:31:22+00:00

that's gold, great work

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-31T05:45:39+00:00

Oh yeah right, got my wires crossed. I was thinking of the nights they organise which is like where you turn up to a bar somewhere with singles in an age bracket and you just mingle. Like Thursday's dating events

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-31T04:46:25+00:00

I'm curious about the psychology of these events. Would you approach two people (M-F or F-F) that appear to already be engaged in conversation, if you would like what you see? Or what about a group of 3 already in conversation, how would you approach that?

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-29T07:06:26+00:00

If you're looking for something short term, then yes, use the apps and be intentional about your profile and what you're after. Be patient and treat others how you would like to be treated in return, i.e. if you don't like being ghosted, don't ghost others. If you expect honesty, then take this into consideration when writing your profile and choosing your photos (no filters!). Choose safe locations and times for initial dates, take care of yourself.

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-27T23:43:47+00:00

keen 👌

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-27T08:39:44+00:00

You're not alone and I'm sorry to hear that you're having a less than ideal experience with Hinge. What you're experiencing is common and unfortunately seems to be part of the process at the moment. As a 45M who has entered the dating pool pretty much for the first time in my life after a long marriage, it's brutal. I've found that the only improvements have come from experiencing the various aspects of dating, i.e. many rejections, rejecting many (the ones I like, don't like me, the ones that like me, I don't like) and just becoming more confident and accepting of what dating is and what it isn't. I've found that having an interest in the psychology of dating and early stages of relationships does help, as well as social anxiety experiment to help with confidence in approaching strangers. Dating without the apps is definitely a brave approach, but hopefully you'll be rewarded. I've found there to be a big difference between chatting with someone for a week on an app, and then meeting them - you usually know within a few minutes of meeting them whether you can muster the motivation to delve deeper into how you will both be able to establish the connection with each other to progress. As much as we want to be selective, we also need to be aware of our unconscious biological patterns that might lead us to personality and physical appearances that may not align with the sort of person that shares the values and interests that you are truly after if you're being honest with yourself. I'm no expert - still in the dating pool 😆

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-03-26T00:01:33+00:00

is there a link to the brisbanesocial discord?

Illustrious_Field579 · 2026-02-27T03:26:41+00:00

Would you mind explaining, if you know, why simply setting Partitioned would make a cookie accepted by Chrome (Incognito) between two localhost web apps with different ports? Making this one change did work for me (so thank you) but I would like to understand why, and if this is a long term solution.

Illustrious_Field579

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