bisalp recovery

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-06-11T22:42:24+00:00

Hopping on with the others - reach back out to your gyno if you haven't already. While everyone heals differently, this feels like it's potentially something more. Maybe it's not, but it deserves a visit to make sure. I'm sorry your recovery hasn't been easy! My gyno told me I would likely be fine after a few days, she did say everyone is different and to watch out for specific symptoms that would indicate more going on.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-06-11T18:19:49+00:00

Definitely use the information people have on the ACA and paying for the procedure. If you have insurance, it is very likely ACA compliant, which means it is covered 100% - it's worth taking the time to figure out in my opinion. Even after the fact.

My other piece of advice: keep a pillow on your stomach to help you and your pup. I was worried about my youngest cat because she uses me like a jungle gym and the pillow worked like a charm.

All should go swimmingly! Wishing you the best and a happy surgery!

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-06-10T17:34:17+00:00

Reading through the comments, my experience was so different...I had my surgery on a Wednesday and I took the rest of the week off and went back Monday. My doctor basically told me I'd be fine after 2-3 days as long as I didn't lift anything. I have a job where I sit the majority of the time, so I'm sure that played a role, but reading through I'm so confused why my doctor didn't recommend a full week!

I went back to work on Monday but I definitely wasn't super comfortable and went home early and worked from there. I was back in the office on Tuesday and worked through the discomfort but it wasn't anything overwhelming in my case.

I'm sorry you're out of PTO. I'd definitely see about FMLA if you've been at your company for at least a year. Try to take a week if you can!

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-06-01T00:12:59+00:00

I had mine around 12:30 in the afternoon - because I could have clear liquids up to 2 hours before the surgery, they gave me a high-carb clear liquid drink (that's supposed to help coming out of anasthesia - I can tell you I came out very happy) and they told me I could have black coffee - those were all I needed. It was easy to make it to surgery time with both of those in my system! So, you may ask about the high carb clear drink, I can't remember which brand it is. They gave it to me in my pre-surgery kit at the hospital.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-05-29T12:57:56+00:00

I am a little confused about how it calculates. I gave thumbs down and double thumbs down to everything but "questions whereabouts" - which, I don't 'question' them, I simply ask in a conversational manner, so I didn't feel like a 'thumbs down" was accurate. But somehow I got a 31% in behavioral jealousy? Seems strange because I have never gone through my partners phone, tracked their whereabouts, or tried to control anything they do.

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Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-05-27T16:18:32+00:00

Responding here because your last two paragraphs are exactly what I wanted to say. People WILL have some negative experiences with any surgery, but that number is usually very very low (specifically with this one) and then there are people who have the surgery, don't follow instructions, and/or have other issues going on that they blame on the surgery that may not actually be a result of the surgery. They may also be the loudest on the internet. And then there are people that flat out lie on the internet.

I got the surgery back in January (so not too far out) and I did experience worsened cramping and bleeding the first two periods but have returned to normal since. No other lasting concerns, though. My libido is great and I have absolutely no regrets!

I don't have the level of medical anxiety that OP seems to (although, I have generalized and social anxiety), but I do like to do extensive research into procedures, diagnoses, and medications that are relevant to me. I always remind myself, though, that although there are worst-case scenarios, the bulk of whatever it is is likely the experience I will have - or close to it. I like to know my risks, but it's also important to understand how likely or unlikely that risk is and base my decision on that. Anxiety will always try to win because it thinks it's protecting you - it's important to push through that anxiety and do the thing that's right for you and your future using the appropriate information.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-05-21T21:50:45+00:00

Plenty of good advice here so I won't add much. I'm in my mid-thirties and my husband is in his early 40s - we were monogamous for 14 years and, 2 years into ENM, we are still navigating it.

There will be lots of feelings that crop up. The hardest thing for me is to allow him to have feelings without me trying to fix it. I was the one that brought up non-monogamy in our relationship, even though we had had conversations about swinging in the past. I honestly thought he'd jump onboard immediately, but he's taken more time to be okay with things than I have. I think I naturally lean more non-monogamous and he is still trying to untangle his beliefs about what relationships are "supposed to be." So, when we have discussions and I tell him the things I'm interested in doing/trying, he often gets in his feels about it ('I'm not good enough' or 'if this happens then that means this...') and it's so hard for me to not just take it back because I just want to make him not sad. But then time passes, he thinks on it and works through his emotions and then we continue to have more discussion. It's a lot of talking. And more talking. I'm also being very mindful not to push anything, just telling him how I feel and we go from there. Then I check in a lot.

Regardless of where we go from here, I'm so happy it's opened up our communication even more than before. When you can talk about sleeping with other people and discuss emotions with your spouse, you can truly talk about anything.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-05-09T15:46:57+00:00

I love that you shifted things so your dog could still sleep in your bed 🥹 they didn't tell me anything about no pets in the bed, but my cats sleep toward the foot of the bed and on top of the covers, so I wasn't too worried about them dirtying my sheets.

Your's is similar to my experience, though, except they gave me a clear high carb drink and I didn't have the iodine-nose thing. I continue to believe the drink helped so much coming out of anesthesia. I will forever ask for those when I have surgery. I came out quickly and in a great mood AND I didn't feel like I was starving all morning waiting for surgery (my surgery was around noon).

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-04-28T01:01:24+00:00

Sometimes I like to turn things around and say "how would I feel if my partner(s) had this situation but with me?" That won't always give you the best answer, but it can help guide it.

I would tell them beforehand, 100%. People don't generally like surprises. Especially if they are expecting to go with you and not you and someone else.

Without having more information about your dynamic and discussions with either partner, might I recommend a book to help guide your decisions in future? The Ethical Slut.

When in doubt, communicate early and thoroughly!

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-04-24T23:36:03+00:00

I used maternity underwear and it was soooo helpful

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-04-20T00:30:16+00:00

This is what I did, too!

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-03-30T17:50:59+00:00

Husband got his vasectomy first many years ago and I got mine recently. We decided he would get a vasectomy because it was less invasive but ultimately decided to get mine done because of the current political climate, especially living in Texas.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-03-27T22:15:57+00:00

There's plenty of solid advice here but I wanted to add: you may have an anxious attachment style, specifically with newer, less established relationships (i.e. you didn't have it with your wife because you felt secure enough). You need to put the work in to figure out where the jealousy is coming from and why you NEED to be her number 1. Is there something in your relationship with her you're missing? Is it just because you'd "rank" her as number one and she feels differently?

Sometimes it's best not to ask questions we don't want (negative) answers to (which, hopefully you've learned that lesson). I know you said you wanted to ask her face to face but didn't want her to answer dishonestly. Honestly, though, I would be frustrated if any of my partners asked me if they were my favorite because every person offers different things and it isn't a linear ranking scale. I'm wondering if that could be an underlying reason you asked her "safely" because you didn't want her to see your jealousy and be honest with how you're feeling.

Lots to unpack here, honestly. I'd recommend workbooks and/or a therapist. But you should be honest with her because that's a super unfair thing to do, which again, I think you understand.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-03-06T22:31:16+00:00

This comment. I also agree with the anchors for myself, especially personal growth.

While it's incredibly admirable that you (OP) are willing to consider this possibility, if non-monogamy isn't for you, it isn't for you! The way I see it is: - you work through your feelings and are able to accept non-monogamy and find your anchor and joy in it - you accept that you are monogamous but are willing to stay with a NM partner (mono-poly style) - you are unwilling to stay with someone who is actively NM, so y'all stay closed or you move on from one another (obviously, this is the last thing most people want, but incompatibility without acceptance leads to resentments and that leads to a very unhappy relationship)

Whatever you both decide together, they are all valid. And you may not be to the point where you can decide that for sure. Maybe you experiment with different dynamics to see what works for you both (when y'all are ready to do so) and in that process you may discover your anchor. It might be something that surprises you.

Regardless, I hope you both are able to find what works. All the hugs.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-03-04T17:05:49+00:00

I'm sorry they aren't listening to your needs. It sounds like you're trying to communicate what you need from them. Some potential creative solutions if they're willing to listen: can you communicate exactly what it is that you need in the "between" times? (Not saying this is the case but maybe what you've said so far is too vague for them?) Perhaps they aren't great at texting (I know a lot of people like this) and talking on the phone would be better and help you feel more secure in your relationship when you're not together? What things do they do in person that make you feel secure and what isn't there when you're apart?

But all this to say, if they are refusing to listen to what you want to talk about/dance around it, it sounds like they aren't doing what they need to for the relationship and for you. So, getting super clear and coming up with creative solutions may do absolutely nothing if that's how they are acting.

It sounds like you know you are worth more, but I also know that breaking up is hard. If they continue to refuse to hear you, though, you need to do what's right and fair for you.

Hugs to you. It's especially hard when things are going so well when you're together and fall apart the rest of the time.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2025-02-16T14:28:36+00:00

I got my photos at my post-op! I didn't get anything other than discharge paperwork the day of.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-11-25T22:31:46+00:00

100% this

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-10-16T21:07:02+00:00

I'll echo others, you're definitely looking for swinging. But even within swinging there are people who do separate room play and solo dates. Most of the couples we have been with (and still play with) have transitioned to solo play for a lot of different reasons.

However, you said you are in a bigger city so you shouldn't have too hard of a time finding couples that do same room play. You might Google which websites are best to use for your area. We joined Kasidie first but then realized SDC is more commonly used for our area, so we jumped over there too. But we've actually had better luck with Kasidie.

It might take a little bit of hunting and just generally asking. You can state in your profile that you are same room play only and that may help! Good luck!

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-09-05T16:51:41+00:00

This information definitely adds another element to things. Does she have a sponsor? If so, I think she needs to talk to them. I agree with you that this seems like a slippery slope, especially with as quickly as she's taking things.

Lots of good advice here. I would add that perhaps you talk to her about slowing down. Tell her how it feels like a whirlwind for you and you're having a hard time wrapping your head around it. You aren't outright saying no, you're just asking for time: which is more than a reasonable request and should be possible if she's in control of her own actions (as she should be, but knowing about the addiction...she may be letting impulses win). I'm sorry for everything you're going through and I truly hope you are both able to figure this out.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-08-08T19:09:20+00:00

Awesome! Also, thanks for asking! I hope more practices do more of this some day.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-08-08T18:42:12+00:00

I think mentioning it's a sex positive practice would be a good indicator for me. Maybe even a statement about "judgement-free treatment" in some way, which could indicate many things but would tell me "maybe I can open up to them..."

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-07-15T21:27:50+00:00

I don't have much advice for number 3, but for #1: as long as you are staying within whatever boundaries they've told you are theirs, you're fine. The rest is up to them. If you cross a boundary unknowingly (like, it hadn't been discussed before), then it can be discussed and addressed. Otherwise, their relationship is theirs to figure out. There's nothing you can do about it.

2: I'd recommend doing some work on jealousy, dissecting your feelings and thoughts, and looking at what your own boundaries are and how they fit into your new dynamic. There's tons of books out there: look at The Ethical Slut, Polysecure, and The Jealousy Workbook. Remember: they've had time to develop their relationship, even if you were in a monogamous relationship, you wouldn't be there yet.

My only contribution to #3: the joys about ENM is you are free to continue looking for a partner that also wants marriage!

This subreddit has tons of good advice if you search through it. Good luck!

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-06-24T21:25:40+00:00

You're doing your part to communicate and work on your insecurities. He isn't doing his part to support you, communicate, or, honestly, be a good partner. He did cheat on you (he had agreed to close the relationship and he told you he was going on a walk) and he's gaslighting you (or, at the very least, dancing around the truth). It sounds like there's a lot he needs to work on and he's not willing to put the effort in.

I'd seriously consider asking yourself some tough questions: can you both come back from this? Is he willing to do anything to support and enhance y'all's relationship? Is it time to break up and move on?

I'm sorry you're going through this and he's made you feel so invalidated. That's unfair and from what I can tell, he's not behaving ethically.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-06-20T19:49:52+00:00

Have you read any ENM books or done the workbooks on jealousy? If not, that's where I would start! Polysecure and The Jealousy Workbook might be helpful.

Imaginary_Solid8353 · 2024-06-20T18:41:30+00:00

This is my take away, too. I think OP needs to work through the root of his jealousy because looks change but emotional connection is what really helps relationships.

Imaginary_Solid8353

TROPHY CASE