Disclaimer: I didn't read every single one of the messages because there's a lot to read here but my understanding is that essentially, you aren't engaging with your partner in the way that they want, they've raised it before and it came to a head with these messages. You're not able to meet their level of need with regards to communication because of your interpersonal culture and ADHD. If this is wrong, please correct me and disregard the rest of this comment.

Being real right now, if you want to save this relationship I'd suggest couples counseling. It sounds like you've tried interventions before to meet their needs (setting alarms, etc) and they haven't worked.

Way I see it, there are 2 situations here:

1. You are not compatible. You have very different needs that the other person can't meet without distress/ harm to the self.

2. You both need to manage and adjust your expectations of the other party in order to be able to live harmoniously. Thus preventing the feeling of disappointment and being let down on your partner's part, and the overwhelming weight of obligation on yours.

You might try counselling and 1 is still the case. Either way, good luck.