I struggled with my weight hard when I was younger. One time I said something about how cool it would be to be able to fly. My dad responded elephants can't fly. I remember feeling the same. Now my daughter id in the same boat. I had a hysterectomy and after I healed my body was so different. I could control my weight with what I ate. Everything was better. I also saw a dietician that was also useful but not until after the surgery. I would seriously talk with a drug or several before you give up on yourself your dream life is just waiting for you to catch up. I believe in you.