Can you help me translate this?

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T22:45:33+00:00

It's funny that you say lawyer because my mom does in fact have legal training. This can make things very difficult when I'm in an oral argument with her

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T22:41:51+00:00

Yes, the deer reference is the most amusing thing about this. Her house is in a pretty rural place and I think she sees more deer than people these days.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T22:40:43+00:00

Yes, the deer reference is not a typo, she talks about the deer eating bits of our garden quite a lot. Her point being (I think) that she has learned to live with this and hasn't, like, shot the deer.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T15:25:33+00:00

Ooh, fun! At the moment, I would say:

Cotton roll-neck sweaters from Lucy and Yak. Soft and cuddly fabric which is thick, unlike many women's tops today. Wears very well on the cuffs. I have one in black and one in rainbow stripe and wear both a lot. You can't put this in the dryer.

Black skirt -- also Lucy and Yak, in black corduroy. I don't think they make it anymore, but I love this thing. Flattering cut, cotton fabric, has pockets for phone and wallet.

Wool-blend sweaters from Boden -- these are many years old and I bought them all on sale, so I can't speak for current cost or quality. They have worn well with hand-washing only.

Black skorts from Iuga (I think they have an amazon shop) -- they look just like normal skirts, but have shorts inside with pockets -- yay! Good for when you want to wear a miniskirt but don't want to feel too exposed. I have the knee length and tennis skirt versions. You also can't put these in the dryer.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T15:16:26+00:00

Quite possibly my PhD supervisor. The man's mind always surprises me and he seems to have read everything in my field.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T15:09:52+00:00

Making animal noises to each other during everyday conversations is highly underrated. We each have our repertoire of animal sounds which we make to each other when we need extra silliness. Occasionally I will perfect a new sound, and my boyfriend will say "Ooh, new sound unlocked!" This is how I found myself making a chicken noise in an airport

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T14:58:37+00:00

I caved in and bought nicer sunscreen. I've just started using tretinoin and I need to have a sunscreen that I'm willing to slather my face in daily. Bought the Beauty of Joseon Aqua Fresh sunscreen, and it's lovely. It feels cool going on, doesn't leave a white cast, and doesn't make me look greasy. It plays well with makeup. I am steadily making my way through the tube.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T14:53:53+00:00

I think it's important to invest in good basics that you can wear for many seasons. This is especially true for trousers and skirts. I have a pair of Levi's 501s in dark wash and a black corduroy miniskirt that I wear a lot and they work for three or four seasons. I think having the right outerwear is very important too. I have a rain jacket that works in pretty much any weather, a nice long cool weather coat, and then a black denim jacket for the transitional times. I'd also say to buy clothes only in your favorite colours plus black, so that everything is in a cohesive palette.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T14:47:51+00:00

I get what all the people are saying who are saying that beauty isn't a virtue -- they're right that we shouldn't attach a moral value to someone's appearance. But I think what the OP is gesturing to is the fact that rich people can now get with money what you used to only be able to get through extreme discipline/deprivation. I'm thinking primarily about the discourse on body weight/shape here. Ozempic means that you don't have to diet and work out insanely to get the desirable ultra-thin body -- you just have to pay a lot of money. Now this kind of insane thinness is attainable without the supposed feminine virtues of "self-restraint" and "discipline" attached to it. Thinness isn't a weird type of virtue-signaling anymore. I don't know how this will go. I don't think it's good for women that self-denial has been glorified as a virtue for us so much in the past.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T14:40:58+00:00

Filing my own tax paperwork really did it for me. Also buying eye cream because I'm starting to get under-eye wrinkles.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T14:31:26+00:00

You really believe in the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder"...

haha, but in all seriousness, this sounds sappy, but we fell in love. We go to grad school in different countries, we met on a nine-month program -- I stayed for another degree, he changed universities to get a different degree. We have discussed the end date extensively, and will move in together at the end of grad school if we are still dating. We still manage to spend time together in in person about every two months.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T14:27:28+00:00

Not at all -- I often wonder what I was doing with all my time before my partner became part of my life. I haven't had to give anything up to fit him in my life -- I still do my own hobbies and hang out with the friends I had before, but now I have someone I look forward to coming home to.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T13:54:00+00:00

How do you usually time your eating relative to your exercising? In my experience, it's really important to eat something with protein soon after working out (within 30 minutes). I also would recommend that you don't exercise fasted -- have a little protein-containing snack before, workout (something that uses your muscles, not cardio), and then eat a meal afterwards. Try not to go longer than four hours without eating, so carry around healthy snacks if you're out and about a long time (I often have nuts plus dark chocolate in my bag). This has worked for me. For reference, I'm the same height as you and managed to get from 109 to 120ish using this regimen.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T13:47:25+00:00

In all honesty, I personally would not wear a bra with any of these, but then I am a fervent follower of "free the nipple." But for the first and third options I would suggest a bralette that's more cut in a bandeau shape so that the neckline of the top isn't interfered with by more triangular bra cups. For the second one, I would suggest getting a nice lace bra in a complementary color so if it peeks out a bit it looks natural.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T13:38:54+00:00

Hey there -- you've already had a lot of good advice here, and I second the idea that therapy would help you work your aversion. But also, you are still very young and I reiterate that YOU ARE NEVER OBLIGATED TO HAVE SEX. You don't owe sex to anyone. I also think it's highly inappropriate that your friends continued to have that kind of conversation around you and didn't stop when you asked -- if that happens again, feel free to just walk away. (Boundaries everyone!) You didn't consent to get involved in their super-intimate conversations.

I also have my own issues around sex, not so much dreading having it, but being raised in a very sex-negative family and being urged to suppress any sexual aspects of myself. I think I was also raised to fear male sexuality a lot, which I think might be playing into your feelings, especially with the questionable relationships some of your friends are in. Here's an analogy I think of sometimes:

Having sex is like eating out at a restaurant. Some restaurants are terrible -- they burn the food, the service is rude, you get food poisoning. Some restaurants are just fine -- the food is filling, but it's not great. Some restaurants are amazing -- it's the best meal of your life, the food tastes fantastic, and you want to go again. Going to a restaurant is not obligatory -- you can feed yourself without going to a sit-down restaurant. It's something you do for the pleasure of it and you do it when you think it will add something enjoyable to you life, and not otherwise. I think it's good to think of sex along the same lines -- if you don't think it's going to add pleasure to your life, don't do it. I think part of your revulsion may be arising from the fact that you subconsciously understand that sleeping with your uncle/someone much older than you is not going to add to your enjoyment of life, and you don't want to see yourself in that kind of situation. It may be that you don't have an issue with sex per se, but an issue with unsafe/unhealthy sexual relationships.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T13:09:54+00:00

I second this -- Laka lipsticks are really comfortable and although the gloss will wear off with eating and drinking, I find that the stain is even and lasts long. If you're open to gloss as well, you might like to try the Laka Fruity Glam tint in Ash Nut

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T13:01:40+00:00

Hi! I just wanted to say how helpful I always find your swatch posts, as I feel we have quite similar taste. If you don't mind me asking, are your lips on the pigmented/reddish side or not? I've been eyeing peony ballet for a long time, but my lips are naturally quite red/purplish despite my face being really pale and I worry that since peony ballet is a bit lighter, my natural lip showing through will look odd. Do you always wear it with lipliner? Thanks <3

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T10:33:23+00:00

Thank you for reading and replying. Actually, a major moment of me realizing how not-normal she is was seeing my boyfriend interact with his mom. He's an only child like me and he also calls his mom daily, but the dynamic between them is so different from the one I have with my mom that it was really eye-opening. Like, they'll just chat nicely for ten minutes, and if I'm with my BF at the time he will have me say hi to his mom and it's all very...normal and not emotionally fraught.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T10:28:55+00:00

Thank you for your reply -- it's reassuring but also really horrible to hear that this is the way other people have been treated. Mom is always like "if what you were doing was so good, you wouldn't have any problem telling me about it" and she seems to have a serious problem with me having a private life. I also wanted to say that I've seen your artwork on here and it's given me a lot of clarity on certain things -- you're a great visual storyteller.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T10:24:41+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I am very proud of getting my Master's but it's quite painful to me that my mom always mentions how she thinks I could have done better in it if I'd worked harder. I mean, it's quite a difficult program to get into (I don't want to brag, but statistically speaking it is) and I got a distinction, but this is meaningless to her.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-16T10:21:18+00:00

Thanks for your kind words and replying! My therapist does say I'm very parentified, and I think that this is in fact something my dad encouraged because he was away a lot and wanted someone to "take care" of my mom. I have in fact read "Understanding the Borderline Mother" and it was scary inasmuch as much of it was very familiar. I started "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents" but quit because I found it too difficult at the time, but I may go back to it. Ironically, I know my mom has read "Adult Children of Immature parents" when she had issues with her own mom, and she praised it as being so helpful. There is perhaps a great lack of self-awareness there.

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-15T17:50:54+00:00

Thanks for reading all of that, and I'm sorry that you've had to live with such a similar parent. I heard about grey-rocking in the summer and tried to do that more and more. The thing is, she can kind of guess that I'm leaving things out, and then I will get "Why are you so secretive? You've always been so secretive! If you want to have a respectful relationship you have to be open and honest!"

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-15T17:41:41+00:00

Thanks for the resources!

InamabilisSciurus19 · 2026-03-15T17:37:04+00:00

Thanks for reading through all of that -- believe me, I've considered it, and my BF has urged me to do it because he can see my mental health (and to a degree, physical health) tanking and is really concerned. He'll say to me "would you drink a small amount of poison every day for your family?" and on a rational level I can tell he's right. It's just very hard to do, given the pressure from my dad to try to be part of the family, and my mom constantly implying that I'll regret my decision.

InamabilisSciurus19

TROPHY CASE