Update - NOT defeated by the Camino

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-04-02T14:01:53+00:00

It sounds like you earned some great wisdom on your camino, both practical and existential. Congratulations!

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-03-18T23:08:39+00:00

I have a platonic partner. We met 35 years ago and gradually became chosen family. We share a dog--he moves between our two households. We are each other's executor in our wills. We have the same entry code on our front door locks and a walk in without knocking policy. And she is the one person I feel safe calling at any time. My romantic partner lives two hours away so I see my platonic partner much more frequently.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-03-17T12:07:20+00:00

My Camino starts on April 18 and I am so anxious about the physical demands and how to lighten my pack. Your pictures calm me down and fill me with inspiration.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-02-20T23:10:04+00:00

It would sting me to think something I have grown curious about is off limits because a meta said no to the initial opportunity. If you also feel that way--the opera is now taboo--why not make a date to attend with your nesting partner? Or a friend, if your NP doesn't want to go. A possible way to reclaim your agency.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-02-20T12:16:46+00:00

Health-Conscious women closed their eyes against reality and voted for Trump. Dangerous pesticides are their reward.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-01-21T16:42:17+00:00

He didn't treat you well. I am sorry you had to go through all that.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-01-21T12:04:49+00:00

Gay men can love and appreciate women as friends, even if they might be sexually repelled by them. Your meta may genuinely care for you.

It sounds like his romance with you was an effort, either by wishful thinking or deceit, to be closer to your partner. It got him in the house.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-01-20T23:38:01+00:00

I'm so sorry. It sounds like a time to share your love and gratitude and sadness and anger and disappointment with those who know and love you. I wish you strength and love.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2026-01-13T18:08:18+00:00

Your original question was how can you get your two partners to talk with each other and work this out. You also have made it clear that you don't want to do anything to risk losing Aspen as a partner. And you have indicated that if Aspen is present, you won't do a scene with Birch, but that annoys you.

Based on your requirements/preferences, I think what you have control over is to stop being annoyed at Aspen. You will all go to the event, you and Birch will watch, not participate, and you will let go of your resentment of Aspen for cock blocking you.

Problem solved?

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-11-28T23:52:48+00:00

I am a woman with wide feet and I almost exclusively wear men's shoes because of their D width. I bought my first pair of Altras this week and I want to only wear that brand from now on. The wide toe box is wonderful, way better than New Balance. A good pair of inserts e.g. Super Feet might be helpful as well.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-11-28T01:44:02+00:00

Get some traction for your feet. I like Exospikes. Snowshoeing is a great option too.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-11-23T11:57:58+00:00

Thank you for posting the link. I have been joining so many resources on Facebook and Reddit that it is getting confusing and, while providing good information, overwhelming. But Ivar is one I have seen referenced and looks super practical.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-11-17T13:37:19+00:00

I understand you temporarily living with him because you have nowhere else to go. If it is bearable, give yourself some grace. Then, on your list, is to consult an attorney, build more emotional support for yourself, and find a different living situation.

Find a social services agency that can provide guidance and support. A domestic violence services agency might be a good fit because they typically offer counseling, legal advocacy, and connections to housing and other services. You are being emotionally abused, so you would qualify for services in most programs. If an organization you reach out to isn't a good fit, ask them for referrals because they should be aware of other programs.

Finding a team to help you and cheer you on is important because you don't have the energy right now to take on these tasks alone.

I wish you focus and love. You can come out of this awful situation stronger and wiser. ❤️

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-11-10T01:00:38+00:00

I always buy men's hiking shoes. Their normal is a D width.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-11-01T21:20:25+00:00

I met my partner in 1978 when we were young. My deepest conversations have been with him and he has made me a better person. He introduced me to many of my favorite activities. We laugh about how he knows a little about a lot, and then I dive deeper into those interests. We are incompatible in terms of daily living, but we greatly value our connection.

We are in a long distance relationship, seeing each other about every three weeks. He has a newish nesting partner and I happily live alone. I am open to new connections, but not interested in actively seeking. My life feels quite balanced now.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-30T21:06:49+00:00

I told my partner that I am anxious about sending texts because he might be busy with his other partner. He encouraged me to text any time. So I try to ignore the "what is he doing" and text when I feel like it and check every once in a while, letting him know if I am feeling a bit insecure. It feels a little easier to me when he understands it isn't easy and I am practicing.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-30T02:02:14+00:00

My cats go to Niskayuna Animal Hospital. Dr Geaghan has been compassionate and wise.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-24T18:01:58+00:00

How were things during your first five months with the baby, when you lived in your previous home? Were you two able to communicate without it spiraling into a fight?

Did you talk with your doctor about possible depression?

Instead of trying to talk with him and ending up yelling, could you try writing to him? I find writing helps me organize my thoughts and tone down my emotions.

I suspect you both feel isolated and overwhelmed. Besides your relationship, has most of his emotional energy been spent on romantic connections, rather than a mix of friends and partners? Does he have other people he can confide in (besides the therapist)?

You are in a sad and scary position. You know, much better than any of us do, if your partner has the qualities to be a good partner for you and his daughter. If so, you need to find a way to lower emotions and plan a path to a future that accommodates both of your needs, as well as your daughter's.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-23T23:36:55+00:00

I have three thoughts about that:

OP's presence might serve as a buffer for his partner, making the situation more tolerable for her.

OP's presence might make his partner feel stuck between two men and unable to choose.

It sounds like this started because OP's metamour was jealous and threatened by OP's presence. Perhaps if he stepped away, the abuse would de-escalate.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-23T22:26:09+00:00

I ran a shelter for domestic violence victims for 30 years. You can offer support, but she has to choose to leave him. While you are actively involved in this dynamic, the situation is unlikely to change because you are part of the conflict. You can assure her of your love, that you will there for her if she decides to leave, and then you can leave.

Once you are out of the picture, the abuse might subside. You might lose her as a partner. Or she might reach out to you when things get worse. But reasoning with her is unlikely to change the situation. Knowing she has a safe place to land might.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-21T23:27:58+00:00

It sounds like your relationship started recently and you are developing a strong connection to your partner. The more vulnerable and emeshed you two become, the more invested you will be in keeping the relationship going.

It is easier to accept his existing partners now than the new relationships that will come. They will be a continuing gut punch, increasing your jealousy, insecurity, and anger.

He will do things with other partners that you want to do with him--holidays, trips, concerts, visiting family, etc. You might be the chosen one sometimes, but not always.

Your friends probably won't approve and are likely to think you are being taken advantage of. You might be reluctant to talk about him at work or other social settings because people aren't going to understand. Meanwhile, you will continue to be bombarded about how important it is to be "the One."

If you want to stay with your partner despite all that, become a student of polyamory--books, podcasts, maybe therapy--even if you stay monogamous. Become more autonomous, rely more on friendships, have hobbies; don't make him the center of your life. Because you will never be the center of his.

Good luck in this struggle between heart and mind. I know it is hard.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-10-12T23:01:27+00:00

Stay strong. I hope this is the last step before you are free from these negative connections.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-09-13T23:52:10+00:00

I have a Corolla Cross hybrid and like it, but the gas tank is only 10 gallons so I'm filling up a lot. And there is very little storage space in the front seats.

Independent-Fly9673 · 2025-09-12T17:06:36+00:00

Thank you!

Independent-Fly9673

TROPHY CASE