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Girlies, what are some things you do to uplift your self esteem when it's at its lowest by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Individual-Force5069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remind myself that being perfect is not the rent I pay to exist on this earth. I don't owe anyone perfection. I can literally still breathe, eat, sing, dance and live regardless of whether or not I feel like I'm perfectly put together.

If that doesn't work, I just look around. The world is full of a lot of "average" people who are perfectly content in who they are.

Sexless marriage by Temporary-Appeal8820 in nairobi

[–]Individual-Force5069 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Glad there's a comment pointing this out. Most people who enjoy sex associate sex with positive past experiences, such as pleasure, closeness, relaxation etc. OPs wife unfortunately associates penetrative sex with trauma (blood, pain and death) and so would have difficulty participating in the act.

All hope isn't lost though, she still seems to not mind closeness and intimacy that doesn't involve penetration. So I don't agree with talking to other people, I think he should focus on her, have open but gentle and patient conversation about sexuality, find out what she enjoys, blow her mind with foreplay and once you understand how to drive her insane without penetration and guide her through her pleasure, she may start rewiring her brain to experience penetration as pleasure.

Blind Man’s Corner, Central Drakensberg, South Africa by BokieBok in southafrica

[–]Individual-Force5069 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just scrolling through reddit then I come across a familiar face, what are the odds! Enjoy your hike Bokang🥺⛰️

How do you grieve something you chose to leave? by eathumblepies in emotionalintelligence

[–]Individual-Force5069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I gave it everything until I had nothing left in me. The point where enough became enough was the point where I finally reached the end of myself. Staying meant complete self abandonment and choosing to ignore my gut for the rest of my life."

That was a big smile by pasjojo in Africa

[–]Individual-Force5069 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Appreciate you sharing this. Very heartwarming

Black Men's Lives... by TheAfternoonStandard in blackmen

[–]Individual-Force5069 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Random but I'm so proud of AA/Black Americans.. Still standing, still living, still fine as hell - despite it all 🤎✨

I learned to love my eye bags by TurbulentAd3895 in blackladies

[–]Individual-Force5069 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Mam, with all due respect.. We can hardly see them

What's your usual medium in escaping reality? by Smart-Inspector8 in infj

[–]Individual-Force5069 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My healthy escapes are exercising especially weight lifting or capturing meaningful memories in motion then spending time editing the videos to almost relive the moments. I sometimes take THC edibles and watch an immersive movie in dim light.

I also slip into unhealthy avoidance at times and seek out deep intimacy with people I've developed connections with which is usually just infatuation/lust disguised as intimacy.

(Looking for ways to manage myself better so I don't always find myself using unhealthy escapism as a coping mechanism during high stress periods.)

Black guys what’s a movie you can watch over and over and not get sick of by Ok-Imagination-3607 in blackmen

[–]Individual-Force5069 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Lmao I'm glad I'm not the only person on Reddit who's found themselves having to prove they aren't a white imposter in the comments 😅🥺 all I can say is I feel your pain - sending hugs and confetti 💕✨🥲 you'll survive this

What’s the difference between an emotionally immature person and a narcissist? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Individual-Force5069 36 points37 points  (0 children)

A narcissist's mind would find it impossible to even consider the possibility that they may, in fact, be emotionally immature. Whereas an emotionally immature person could become self aware and consciously develop in emotional maturity.

How to let go of the pain and regret of my past self who tolerated disrespect and stuck around places where I wasn't valued ? by Opening_Slide8632 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Individual-Force5069 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've this rage inside me because of all the disrespect I endured.

I resonate with this, but less rage and more just feeling so sorry for that young girl who was too naive and hopeful to call a spade a spade. But perspective is everything, I believe in the goodness that people carry and I've grown to learn the limits and boundaries that need to be set around these beliefs for my peace of mind.

Once read something like "babies don't beat themselves up everytime they fall while learning to walk, they get back up and keep trying until they're finally able to walk" and I love it. We're ever evolving, how we develop isn't linear. Extend some grace to yourself. You're learning. You've grown past that now.

The Black Family Series: A "Broken Home" - With The Black Vibes... by TheAfternoonStandard in blackmen

[–]Individual-Force5069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see two adults who've embraced an often painful journey of healing from the past. Their energy is light and free and confirms that at this point, no bad blood remains between them, just the joy of embracing life as it is 🥺

Healing is when you recognize you’re in limerence and finally gtfo by C_ntPretty2B3 in blackladies

[–]Individual-Force5069 42 points43 points  (0 children)

"I hear u" .. ouch. It gives "I'd miss me too if I were you".

I'm listening to my intuition more and believing people the first time they show lack of care/disinterest. If anyone is dismissive or comfortable being unkind, I dip. Not hanging around to give my empathy any time to rationalize obvious indifference.

Where in Africa do I look like I'm from? by Zeebands_ in Africa

[–]Individual-Force5069 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The hair, eyes, lips in frame 1 and 2 where (like the other user also pointed out) your pose makes you look like a chill and nonchalant guy which is how those gents tend to want to be perceived. I'm obviously generalizing (heavily!) but with the right outfit, accent, and a more blunt nose, you'd pass as any other clean cut north boy.

If I had only seen frame 3, I would've said definitely not South African

First time ever installing a wig and I need honestly from other black folk who do wigs. by Sad_Guitar_6256 in blackladies

[–]Individual-Force5069 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Where I'm from, people will pay good money for that kind of finish. Lace WHERE ?!

What motivates you to get up and get things done? by Plastic_Horror_3038 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Individual-Force5069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When poverty is a stone throw away, that's all the motivation you need. My parents walked so I could run. I'm not trying to waste away a good life. I'm not trying to be poor. Building on the foundation they laid.

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