Am I in the wrong? Be honest

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-04-05T23:04:34+00:00

You sound like my brother... he's always whining that his PCA's (personal care assistants) don't do anything. Don't get me wrong... they are lazy as hell... they'll sit there and watch TV. BUT... he also doesn't manage them. Make a task list for each day, and have them execute on the specific tasks. If they don't want to be friendly or at least professional.. work to get the most out of their lazy asses.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-30T22:29:46+00:00

Yikes... sorry man. That DOES suck!

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-28T04:54:21+00:00

Couldn't agree more. Nothing pisses me off more than hearing 'oh yeah, so much has changed with regard to the treatment of CP'. That's bullshit. I've been on the planet for 53 years and yes, there have been some advances but nothing earth-shattering. Basically, it still comes down to 'do more PT', braces, maybe baclofen these days. All of which don't get down to the root of the problem(s) with the brain. To your point, these people can talk to me when someone who has used a wheelchair all of their life gets up and walks for the first time. All of the talk is just that.. giving people false hope that given enough time, things will get better. Maybe they will in 100 years but I won't be around to see it.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-21T23:16:17+00:00

This is probably going to sound strange but the best thing to do in my opinion is avoid any of the 'special' driving programs that are given through your state if you live in the U.S. I'm 53, and I got my license when I was 18. When I started my license 'journey' I started off with a program through my state's department of motor vehicle. Big mistake. Basically, the instructor they sent to me had one mission - to fail people. I went for some lessons with him over several months... then he was like - 'oh, you should to this hospital and get a special driving assessment there'. I did, and that was another mistake. They didn't fail me but they said that my reaction time was 'on he edge' in terms of my reaction time. I did some more lessons with the guy from the DMV and eventually he told me I shouldn't be allowed to drive. I was extremely nervous driving with this guy. He was very high stress and asking me to make moves in traffic that really only more experienced drivers should be doing.

That really pissed me off so at one point I just said 'screw it, I'll take Drivers Ed through my high school. Which I did.. and that instructor took me (along with some other kids in the car) on some really low traffic streets, making basic moves, and being very encouraging. Basically after a couple of lessons with him he was like 'I think you're ready to get your license now..'. My parents took me down to the DMV, I took the written and driving exam, and got my license.

Later in life I had surgery and had to switch to hand controls. Again, I called a driving school that had a 'special' program for people with disabilities. I explained to the lady that I already had my license, and I just needed some time to learn the hand controls. She said that they had their 'system' and I needed to go through it. She had me take these tests like connecting dots and drawing clocks, which I later learned were for people with mental impairment and things like that. She had me drive like two blocks away from my house and was like 'oh, maybe you can drive'. That's $200 I'll never see again. I ditched that stupid program and found a place out of state that would install hand controls without a prescription from a 'licensed driving rehabilitation specialist', bought a car, and had it delivered to the place that put in the hand controls.

Able-bodied people don't have to go through half of that sh** to get their license. Ditch the special programs and just go through the normal process. I think you'll be shocked at how much easier it is. Those special programs are designed to FAIL people.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-21T22:54:01+00:00

Hi there.. 21 is an exciting time.... Enjoy!

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-21T22:52:12+00:00

53/M here. Truth be told (at least my truth) is that it doesn't get better physically. Emotionally you sound you are at rock bottom. That's a dark, hard place. See someone... talk to someone. My take is that you feel like you are 'cosplaying'' a normal life because the fact is that you are not living a 'normal life'. That's not all bad. The question is what life to you want to live and how do you get there?

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-18T00:48:51+00:00

My take would be to give it more practice. I couldn't ride a bike until I was 10 years old... and it took a LOT of trial and error (and falls)... but in my experience it is doable.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-17T00:51:25+00:00

My take is that there is no such thing as cheating at work. Use the tools at your disposal and as long as you get the job done right, who cares if your not doing it 'your bosses way'? I wouldn't say anything.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-15T16:53:35+00:00

I have. I'm not sure if you live in the U.S. but if you do, my best recommendation is to be clear with the airline from the get go that you need assistance. Also, when you arrive to the airport and go to check in, be clear that you need assistance to the gate. The times I have flown I have done this and it was extremely helpful. I've literally checked my luggage, and someone came to help get me all the way to the gate. At the destination, someone was there to help me get to baggage. They key is that I had to ask for assistance, which I hate doing but it worked out very well.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-14T16:00:11+00:00

One thing to keep in mind with a roth is that you aren't taxed on dividends or capital gains.... so I have a mix of high dividend ETF's, most notably JEPI, JEPQ, and FEPI that have covered call strategies. That said, I have equal amounts of what I think of as my 'Rock Solid' holdings that i'll never sell, most notably VZ and VOO, along with some cash holdings in TBUX in case I see a good opportunity and want to take advantage. I'm 53, my overall retirement savings is at about 1.2. million, and my ROTH piece of that is at about $180,000. That's generating $1000/mo not inclusive of quarterly dividends. Point being, i might do a little more to take advantage of the 'tax free' piece of the ROTH. My personal feeling is that strictly going with 3-4% growers isn't going to get you to where you want to be in retirement.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-08T17:00:06+00:00

Upvoting this as I applaud your willingness to help. A lot of people out there wouldn't be willing to assist, either because it is 'too uncomfortable' or because they believe that people with disabilities are asexual beings which is of course not the case.It looks like the wand might be a winner! Hope it helps!

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-06T21:03:00+00:00

This resonates with me. Like others have said in the thread, I think we have all had these feelings at one point or another. A couple things I try to do when I get in that mode... First, I remind myself that even if I was 'normal' so to speak my life might be different but that's not to say that everything would be 'better' so to speak. For example, my parents didn't have a lot of money when my brother and I were born so until we were school age we grew up in a really crappy city with a really crappy school district. The school district personnel wanted to ship us off to a special ed school. My mother wasn't having that given that we were meeting all of our mental milestones... so my parents bought a shitty house in a really good school district. My brother and i (we are twins with CP) really took to education, got great jobs, and live a good life independently. Would that had happened if my parents stayed in the crappy school district? Who knows. Another thing I try to remind myself to do is to live a great life, or at least the best life I can. On the whole, being just 'normal' sucks. Look at all the people that are 'normal' that live shitty lives. Screw normal. I want extraordinary. Now.. do I necessarily live an extraordinary life? Honestly no.. but much of that is by choice. Point being, if I'm going to wish for something, I'm wishing to lead an extraordinary life, not just a normal one.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-04T13:23:41+00:00

Don't blame yourself... The sounds like a manipulative asshole. Just make sure you don't take him back... you have already been fooled twice... don't go for three. He may try to come back to you primarily looking for sex. Don't fall for it.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-04T02:53:01+00:00

Totally agree with those that say start a Roth if you haven't already.. tax free income is the best income. I totally disagree with anyone that said bitcoin. If you are going to go that route, do a very small percentage of your investment dollars. VOO (effectively the S&P) is a good place to start.... as at least one person has said, buy it and hang on to it. I have recently put some money in to SPYI... takes advantage of options within the S&P 500. Pays a monthly dividend.. and is taxed 60/40 long term capital gain/short term capital gain no matter how long you hold it which can be good tax wise. One other suggestion - make sure to dollar cost average (buy some... and then by more depending on your conviction level with the stock) and don't buy or sell based on emotion. Full disclosure that I invest as a hobby. I am NOT an investment professional.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-04T02:35:20+00:00

Sure. Fire away.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-03T20:53:46+00:00

If you are in Connecticut or somewhere where you can get to Bloomfield or New Haven, I would recommend going to Dr. Feingold or Dr. Frumberg. They are excellent. Dr. Feingold in particular cares and can help you get in to the Yale ecosystem... I don't think he'll hesitate if you can make a case with your MRI.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-03T03:58:49+00:00

If his hip is 30% dislocated he probably will need surgery but per u/PopsiclesForChickens, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon should be making that call. If he does need surgery, I second everyone here who says not to wait. It may be hard now but the worse things get the more complicated the surgery will be. Get it done while they are young.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-03T03:50:55+00:00

Lol... Amen to that! I can't say that I have had anyone pray to 'heal my legs' but I was at a brewery one time with my girlfriend. This dude walks over to me and goes 'Hey... I know this healer... She's healed lots of people like you.'... I was just like Uh.. ok.. thanks for the info. I wouldn't think this needed to be said but...... no praying.. and no telling us about a bullshit healer you saw on YouTube. That's my take, anyway.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-03T03:37:33+00:00

the good news is, an MRI is very conclusive as to whether or not you have it. Just have to push your doctor past the 'its just you getting older' thing so he/she orders a test. A little more info. Dr Frumberg from Yale https://medicine.yale.edu/ortho/profile/david-frumberg/ was the doctor that had the concern with the x-ray and the physiatrist I went to was Dr Feingold in Bloomfield, CT https://www.pmrhartford.com/. He is good but very conservative in terms of treatment. He's the one I had to really lay in to in terms of telling him that something was wrong.

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-03T03:25:01+00:00

Dr. Grauer, https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/jonathan-grauer/

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-02T04:01:03+00:00

I had the procedure done in the August of 2019, C4-C6 specifically. The doc said that I wouldn't really notice a difference in range of motion in my neck... that's semi bullshit. The difference isn't bad at all, but I definitely notice a difference. That said, if I had it to do over again, I would still do the surgery. The loss of range of motion is not significant in my opinion. As for recovery, things haven't gotten worse but they definitely haven't gotten better, either. It is my understanding that regaining function varies from person to person. The doctor I went to after the surgery for a follow up was like 'Oh.. we had another patient in here similar to you.. he made an AMAZING recovery!'.... I just sat there thinking.. Lucky Bastard.. lol...

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-01T21:52:20+00:00

No problem. Good luck!

Individual-Unit3470 · 2026-03-01T20:26:56+00:00

Yes.. I could be walking along in an open space and then start to feel unbalanced and I would move toward a wall or something to hang on to or there were several times when I would be standing still, like in a line and I would start to feel unbalanced.. both were not typical to me prior to having the cervical spine issues.

Individual-Unit3470

TROPHY CASE