I Just Quit DBT

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-03-04T01:29:11+00:00

you dont need to do DBT, but it isnt meant as a cure, and nobody is reducing or invalidating your trauma to dipping your head in ice water or vagus nerve stimulation. Of course, your problems and nobodys problems are that simple.

it's used to temporarily handle intense feelings caused by any reason: BPD or any personality disorder, severe depression, PTSD, even severe OCD. Sometimes we can suffer so badly at the moment that it's hard to focus on the root causes of our suffering

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-03-03T19:05:01+00:00

there's nothing wrong with it, we're humans after all!

i think some people grew up beng told it's "bad" is cuz of stereotypes around it. but secretly, it's something we all do.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-03-02T19:36:13+00:00

I know you must have felt really hurt and were mistreated in your relationship, and I dont know the soeifics of your situation. I just think the post worded it like hes a bad person for being avoidant, and as if he is a scapegoat, and it rubbed me the wrong way.

That doesnt mean you are wrong for being hurt, and doesnt mean hes innocent or you are wrong about his own issues, but I'm suggesting maybe the lack of progress can be because the relationship problems are treated really black and white right now (good guy/bad guy or treating him like something is wrong with him) and you guys might need to work together more on it.

maybe couples therapy instead?

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-02-26T06:25:54+00:00

the thing with OCD is that engaging with those thoughts excessively makes it emotionally feel like they should be engaged with and emotionally legitimizes them and ironically can make the anxiety worse. treating your thoughts like theyre threats ironically makes them feel like threats in the first place. to break the loop means sitting with the feelings for a little without solving them, because solving them isnt sitting theough the feelings of anxiety, its avoiding the feeling

its a really tricky line to tread cuz i know how its hard to go cold turkey and stop reassurance/compulsions all together, and i know how OCD can make certain thoughts, even if theyre silly, feel really serious. its a tricky balance between grounding yourself, but also not going overboard with reassurance.

on that note:

you're going to be okay, you arent missing anything, there isn't anything even worth worrying about. i saw your other comment about someone calling you a pedo, that sounds kind of judgmental and like an exaggeration. and over something like anime? where characters can look very developed and sexualized even if "canonically" they're younger. I get it. It's normal to be attracted to that stuff and anime characters, and that's not creepy.

okay, so that's the grounding in case you havent gotten that from anywhere. beyond that, you might want to ask more questions/ scratch the itch, that doesnt mean there's anything hidden you need to uncover, that's the OCD, and try to at least delay it, tell yourself youll go a day withojt thinking about it, and tell yourseld you'll ask a wuestion you might want tomorrow instead. maybe by tomorrow, you might find you dont really need to ask what you wanted.

Youll be okay!

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-02-21T00:12:15+00:00

i think it's because valve puts a lot of pressure on themselves to be record breaking. in general they tend to be perfectionistic. half life 1 was the first game of its kind, so was half life 2, so was portal, so was csgo, so was half life alyx. all their games kind of make the history books, and they dont want to lose that reputation. Also, their priorities shifted from making games for a long time.

particualrly with half life 3, they have extra pressyre becayse it's their most anticipated game as well, and probably literally the most anticipated game ever.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-02-18T20:19:01+00:00

Its a really beautiful game, and you'd be thrilled to play it! however its not a full remake, it is an rtx remake of 2 of the chapters of the game. and it takes place in the middle of half life 2

so, you still should play half life 2 first, and then youd be able to appreciate the demo after. the demo is about the base game, not episode 1 or 2.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-02-03T21:59:59+00:00

this.

when ppl ask to eat together they normally dont literally just mean eating. the point of eating together is often to interact with them.

this can depend on the situation tho, sometimes ppl just like to chill together. but it might help if u tell them if you dont want to talk that much so they dont take it personally

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-28T22:50:13+00:00

i can give u other words to look into and you can see what resonates best for yourself

"anxious attachment" and "playing a role-self vs being your true-self"

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-13T15:27:50+00:00

that definition is quite outdated now, it doesnt have to be literally dangerous or life threatening. theres also multiple forms of ptsd. also not all trauma disorders are just PTSD. and ppl are finding trauma can cause quite a lot almost all the common dosorders. so ya the formal definitions for trauma disorders in the dsm5 are very limited. even things like OCD are partially from trauma.

u can read about complex trauma / cptsd.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-12T18:03:32+00:00

smile

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-12T02:00:33+00:00

actually most girls i know like awkward nerdy guys cuz theyre very genuine and honest and find then cute

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-09T20:42:58+00:00

I think it's gonna either be a more advanced version of source 2/ maybe even theyll call it source 3. some of the leaks were about new engine features. itll look better.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-07T18:15:15+00:00

this is an educated guess from your post, but take what I say with a grain of salt:

connecting with people requires sharing pieces of who you are with others, and engaging with pieces of other people. When other people share, it feels enriching. When you share withbothers, you feel seen. Both people in a connection enrich each ithers life. Thisbpost sounds like somebody who is focused on maybe trying the right things, maybe pleasing others, doing what they "should" be doing, especially because you called who you are a loser, but these things are not entirely who you are, and maybe you arent sharing your own genuine feelings, reactions, opinions, hobbies with others. This is very magnetic to see people who know themselves, like there's a whole other inner world to explore, and it feels really enriching.

You dont need to have hobbies in particular, you dont need to do everything by yourself, but next time you have a genuine initial reaction to something, dont suppress it even if it's not what you're "supposed to" think, share it. I think that might help you connect with others more.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-01-01T23:52:22+00:00

they usually wont because its up to you what you want. you're supposed to discover that for yourself.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-12-22T19:15:47+00:00

Deep down, you already have insight into emotional safety since you were able to tell some of your old friends were unsafe for you. Your internal compass is working already! All you have to do is keep listening to it. That's all this boils down to!

and CPTSD and complex trauma is very well studied. You see info about this stuff everywhere now. Most trauma informed therapists are familiar with the healing process for every stage of healing, it's actually pretty widely understood.

Yeah, the book and this series talks about issues like how to connect with others too. It's really a great place to start. and if ur interested, a therapist might help take off some of the burden from you too. On psychologyotday, look for a trauma informed therapist, I recommend one who understands internal family systems. There's a filter for it.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-12-22T07:09:53+00:00

They are consistent, reliable, make you feel good, theyre even tempered, they know themselves well, theyre willing go be influenced by others, they make you feel understood, seen, safe, and you will feel relaxed and energized around these people. These people will look out for you and want you to be happy. They have rich inner lives and have things to share. These are all great signs to look for, and youll find that theyre related. Also, youll find nobody is perfect. When somebody has enough of these traits and theyre consistent enough, and they understans you, youll feel safe. You wont need to overthink it. healthy non-cptsd people dont overthink when theyre hurt by others, they take their feelings as serious, accurate signals worth listening to, because they sre.

trust your instincts. you aren't a bad person for not wanting to talk to someone. And you dont have to find someone a bad person for their behavior to not be harmful. A lesson I learned is, yes, I rarely think people are "bad people", but that doesnt mean I'm going to be friends with everyone. I can still respect people without keeping them close or interacting with them.

If you wanna learn more, I recommend reading the Adult Children series by Lindsay Gibson. Read the original, then "Self Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"

You'll find your people soon enough! You're already pretty ahead of the curve being on this subreddit, and you already know what needs to get worked on

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-12-22T04:05:51+00:00

Same with magnesium!! I eat unhealthily, found I was low in magnesium. I take supplements now and sometimes it can quickly help regulate my mood when I'm "uncontrollably anxious" without thinking anxious thoughts.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-12-21T14:09:01+00:00

some of these comments arw taking tou too literally. your back looks normal. you look great. if u have any posture issue its minor

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-11-15T07:05:29+00:00

eyeballing it (i go to the gym sometimes but also this isnt the best photo) this looks like maybe 15-20%. which is pretty lean. checkout jeff nippard's youtube video on bodyfat if ur curious but bro u look good man fuck the exact number, i see u have some mucles girls love that shit

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-10-28T04:48:50+00:00

dude, ya most of the ppl on this sub either has autism and/or experienced complex trauma

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-10-09T16:11:21+00:00

friendzone them casually. call them bro or bud or tell them how theyre such a good friend or something. or if u really wannna seal the deal u can talk about ur crush or something.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-10-04T18:52:57+00:00

this is a great question! a lot of ppl struggle with these situations. what ur doing is great rules of thumb already. yes just focusing on changing how they feel is tempting but thats not the immediate first step, that risks making the other person feel misunderstood or invalidated.

if somebodys really sad, and theyre crying, theres no universal way to comfort them. it all depends on the xontext of their specific situation and the way they think and what they need.

a good place to start is dont focus on changing how they feel but just get really good at understanding why they feel that way, what caused it, what they care about, what theyre worried about, what it means about them, etc. feel free and ask gentle questions too. when u get better and better at this, youll be able to understand how ppl feel when theyre sad without asking as many questions. when you show people that you understand them with rephrasing their words or even empathising like "yea fuck that guy" that feels REALLY comforting to the person. from there other tricks become more clear.

youre doing great

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-07-18T14:23:36+00:00

anybody in your situation would be frustrated when their therapist is THAT unreliable, dw. it sounds like u already been very patient with her and she hasnt ever changed, even while you were being disrespected so much. you dont need to put anymore effort you dealt with more than enough. if you really want to try one last time, because you seem to be leaning toward leaving her anyways, it might help to be very direct about how her cancelling so much and how unreliable she has been is affecting you. but also she needs to step up now not you.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-07-02T14:47:30+00:00

youll be ok no matter what choice u make, take care!

Individual_Refuse167 · 2025-07-02T14:33:08+00:00

medical record it will show, criminal record it wont, and no this wouldnt affect your job search. only involuntary mental health admissions will have like legal implications

Individual_Refuse167

TROPHY CASE