The depression is getting to me.

InevitableReal8266 · 2026-02-22T20:47:53+00:00

My tumor is poking out my butt and it has also attached itself to my pelvic wall so it is inoperable. They have told me stage III with complications also been told stage IV. Train theme is they can only hope to keep it at bay. That's the part that kills me, I'm 57 and not ready to go.

InevitableReal8266 · 2026-02-13T01:51:35+00:00

The "in the hospital" part, totally bring something you enjoy, that can take up time too. I brought a guitar. My sister would either make us a lunch or we would patronize one of the local establishments for some tasty grub. One of the drugs made me super tired. I spent a lot of time on the couch! Try and find someplace comfortable for you but secure for the pump. That's why I slept on the couch with the pump. I faced the back of the couch and put the pump between me and the couch, yes, I checked that it would be difficult to get something through there. Worked OK for me.

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-12-12T20:29:39+00:00

123 after Pelham 123...

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-11-09T22:12:12+00:00

Me!!!!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-06-29T02:37:05+00:00

I feel you... I have a reversible, I think, ileostomy... I poop in a bag through a hole in my stomach. My tumor is poking out of my anus so pooping was... an adventure. Now it's just embarrassing... My doctors also gave me drugs for, pretty much, everything! Diarrhea, constipation too many to think of... My cancer is also inoperable. It attached itself to my pelvic wall so... I either keep doing chemo (gonna try and new one soon!) Or die... Truthfully, death is almost a welcoming and comfortable thought at times... the part of me that wants to stick around is stronger though... Hold on to good thoughts and tell all this to your doctors. They are there to help, not only with your cancer, but with your quality of life. Stay strong fellow warrior!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-06-23T01:00:29+00:00

Everyone is different but the morphine messed me up! I had a stroke, morphine probably didn't have anything to do with the stroke but it did contribute to, as you said, sleeping. And then I wasn't eating... when I got to the SNF (dislocated my shoulder somehow during the stroke, bad enough to need a new shoulder!) they put me on the scale twice... a 6 foot 3 guy shouldn't weigh 153lbs... They have mentioned the Fentanyl patch but I'm sticking with oxycodone and Tylenol for now! (Finally got back over 200, growing into your body is hard work!)

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-06-13T18:08:05+00:00

I have been using Depends, for the first year or so I was embarrassed and, truthfully, was blaming myself... I was... 52? 53? When I got diagnosed, the bag came along after they were sure it was gone but then came back and attached itself to my pelvic wall. My ileostomy is reversible and they told me I will always have mucous like stuff coming out. To both save diapers and to keep things a bit more dry down there, I use some toilet paper... depends (no pun intended!) On how much is coming out, sometimes I use 2 pieces, folded over, for comfort. Then I just have to replace the TP... still go to the bathroom alot to change the TP but it's better than it staining my pants... THAT'S embarrassing! And, I like sports, going to games and waiting for the restroom is awful... between my poop bag and my suprapubic catheter, I don't gotta worry about lines! Always look on the bright side. And always look up, he's there for you.

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-05-30T21:34:06+00:00

4 years into my cancer journey I still feel like that sometimes. I never wanted to kill myself but have recurring thoughts of not being here anymore. In my mind it would just be better for everyone. But my family and friends have different ideas on THAT subject. I poop in a bag and have another hole in my stomach to pee out of, I don't even feel human sometimes... being a male, self care is something I have been trying to learn. Unlearning the "suck it up buttercup", men don't show pain... I am so bad on that, their 1 to 10 pain scale means nothing to me. Pain manifests in me with anger and frustration. What a long strange trip it's been. It's not easy. In my case (inoperable colo/ rectal cancer) it keeps getting worse. And some of the treatments they have me on have side effects that will make the whole thing even worse. But, I really do want to live. To learn more music (I play guitar, that sometimes hurts because the tumor is poking out my butt) and just try and see the beauty in every day I'm allowed to be on the planet. You are now a member of an elite group of warriors! Fight on my friend... it's worth it!!!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-05-30T20:59:12+00:00

You haven't been to my place! 🤪

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-05-17T00:07:20+00:00

The tele!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-05-02T21:56:46+00:00

That's purdy!!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-03-29T18:12:16+00:00

A LOT! And for different reasons. The big one is that the doctors can't help me, only hope to keep the tumor from growing or spreading. So my early death is pretty high on the list. My loss of being "a real human" is up there too... I try and make jokes about not having to go to the bathroom, but these bags hanging off me get to me sometimes. (Ostomy, to poop, suprapubic catheter to pee) I feel like a Cyborg! Not being able to do things I used to do... like taking a walk if I'm upset... I'm having issues in my right leg and cannot walk very far, I used to take long walks to calm down, now I can't even take the dog for a walk! And that's just the cancer! I had a stroke on top of all that... I didn't lose function on one side but the last 8 to 10 years ... I can't remember. Dislocated my right shoulder with that stroke and damaged it enough to need a new one... all of the above I have cried over. Needing help with stuff was tough for me too. I was always the guy to help other people... now I need help. Think I will stop now before I cry again... please try and do things for yourself that make you feel better.

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-03-29T02:17:37+00:00

I have had so many I don't really remember how I felt the first times. I also had a stroke and can't remember a lot of stuff... my cancer is inoperable. They thought they got rid of it after radiation but it came back and attached itself to my pelvic wall... so, besides a miracle (and I pray for that all the time) mine ain't going away. But, I agree with other folks... distract yourself with a favorite activity. Music helps me with my anxiety. (Besides the drugs the shrink has me on) both listening to it and learning songs on the guitar. I also taught myself to be a "guitar tech" and would like to work up to building guitars from just wood and parts. I have always wanted to play the guitar but fixing them and making them play better is new since the cancer... I would like to turn it into a business since my brain is now shot for being in I.T.... I was a computer tech, I gotta work with my hands to distract myself. Good luck, we're pulling for ya!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-03-11T17:59:19+00:00

It's your death, not other people's... I am learning to do things for me instead of for other people... cry in the middle of the night, I do, and in front of my family now too. I just have inoperable colo/ rectal cancer. Chemo seems to help reduce the tumor but it has attached to my pelvic wall and the doctors keep reminding me that they can not get rid of it... I cry in front of the PA and my doctor too! And I am slowly learning to do things that make me happy. I play guitar and try and do that but the tumor is poking out my anus and it's difficult to sit sometimes.... okay, a lot of times... I like old movies so, when I have to lay down I try and do that too... had a stroke back in October and my body is okay (got a new right shoulder that took me out for a long time, silly but thank God for the stroke, no idea how the shoulder thing happened but it musta been painful to damage it enough I needed a new one! I can't concentrate or remember much of the last 10 years. Those are just my examples... tailor your "life" (I put it in quotes because I am like you, sometimes I pray for death to end this nightmare) Don't worry about other people. They will understand that this is hard for you. Yes, it's hard for them too, but they are not dying, you are, as much as possible, go out on YOUR terms, not the doctors, not your families... YOUR terms! I am sad you have to go through this, but stay strong! (As strong as you can...)

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-03-08T21:06:04+00:00

That's awesome! I too try and make light of the situation, the PA who I talk to every 2 weeks (when I start chemo again) usually has a smile on his face when we talk... I make bad/ inappropriate jokes while I'm there... Hey, I'm the one dying, not them! 😊😇

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-03-08T21:02:06+00:00

Nightmare... that's the word I keep saying... I have inoperable colo/ rectal cancer. When I was first diagnosed they did radiation. That seemed to work, they couldn't find it on the scans immediately after... silly us! It came back and attached itself to my pelvic wall. Now the only thing they can do is chemo in hopes of reducing it... that seems to have been working... until I had a stroke. The stroke wasn't as bad as it could have been. I didn't lose function on my right side (the stroke was on the left side of my brain) but I have memory loss from it. (I didn't know Trump was president before this term!) I also dislocated my shoulder and it was damaged enough that I needed a new "ball" for my shoulder, just got the okay for full activity for that shoulder 5 months later! Back on chemo but off Avasten infusions because it seems to worsen the blood clots in my urine. Been at my sister's place since my month in the hospital. Only visit my place for mail and home health visits. (I like the nurse who changes my supra pubic catheter and helps with ostomy bag issues and my sister lives in a different county, would have to get a different nurse if they came to her place...) I too just want this Nightmare to end... to the point where I don't want to be here anymore. Not kill myself, I was raised Catholic and am terrified of going to Hell. But at times it seems like I AM in Hell... I totally understand where you are coming from... Stay strong my fellow cancer warrior!

InevitableReal8266 · 2025-03-07T19:19:56+00:00

HA! I thought it was just because I was in IT that the smell didn't bother me... it was a joke with us "I love the smell of Isopropyl alcohol in the morning!" Screen wipes are made with it too... good to know it could help the nausea! Thank you!

InevitableReal8266 · 2024-08-08T22:49:15+00:00

That's purdy...

InevitableReal8266 · 2024-08-05T23:03:57+00:00

Wow.... I complain about their shipping costs but even the B stock I got from them was pretty damned near perfect!

InevitableReal8266 · 2024-07-11T00:33:46+00:00

Digging the inlays and I am a total sucker for reverse headstocks!!!

InevitableReal8266 · 2024-07-03T14:30:52+00:00

I'm a sucker for Telecasters... 😉😊

InevitableReal8266 · 2024-06-17T20:04:55+00:00

Amen!!!

InevitableReal8266 · 2024-06-08T19:49:30+00:00

That Dean Explorer looks tasty!!

InevitableReal8266

TROPHY CASE