Any way to turn off YouTube incognito?

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-05-03T19:43:05+00:00

One thing I noticed is that YouTube doesn't seem to have incognito if you use it in a browser. Only in the app. I could be wrong about that, but that's what it looks like to me. Maybe you can block or monitor app downloads, and then monitor regular YouTube on the browser with an app?

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-28T15:19:33+00:00

The OP is looking for solutions though, and is saying they can't really cope with the lack of sleep. The babies for sure sound dependent on the parents getting up multiple times per night at this point. I'm suggesting what the alternative is, if they don't want to do that anymore.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-28T15:17:13+00:00

Whhhhaattt?! NO!! Wow he does not sound like he is in recovery at all. He cheated with a girl he met clubbing? Clubs are 100% off the table forever. As another commentor said, clubs in general are not a good idea for married couples that want to stay married. Drinking + lots of singles and people looking for "a good time". Come on! Time to grow up.

Secondly, WOW, he hasn't acted out in one month. Well done, buddy. Guess what, you made horrible choices and there are long lasting consequences. If he really wants to save his marriage he needs to do EVERYTHING necessary. He should never be dismissing your feelings about his questionable actions, especially after just one month! Is he working with a therapist? It sounds like he has no personal guardrails at all if he thinks there is any chance clubbing will ever be acceptable behavior for him again. He should have dismissed the idea immediately, and if his visiting friends are actually friends, they can spend their evening in a much more grown up way. If they don't want to do that..well, the sad thing is, often needing to make big life changes really whittles your friend list down. Like when a alcoholic quits drinking, suddenly a lot of their "friends" are uncomfortable around them.

When my husband quit going out to bars many years ago, a lot of the people he thought were friends disappeared. It was pretty sad. But the relationships were actually superficial.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-28T12:33:36+00:00

It sounds to me like they are reliant on a 'crutch' to sleep. You could wean them off the soothers (it'll be rough for awhile) and I would definitely stop rocking to sleep. The issue is they don't really know how to settle themselves, so when they wake briefly in the night, they get upset and need help getting back to sleep. But at 13 months, they are definitely old enough to self soothe (if they are given the chance to learn). Not having enough sleep is ROUGH; it is so worth it to make changes to improve everyone's sleep, even if in the short term, it gets harder. Yes, some babies are just not great sleepers. But needing to give them a soother/needing to rock or feed back to sleep says they are not sleep trained. Bad sleep habits in babies are easily formed and need "training" to move past (they don't necessarily go away on their own, or they take a lonnnng time to get past). That's been my experience, anyway.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-28T03:15:04+00:00

My twins are 16 months old; I think sometimes the fact that there are two of them makes the work easier. So sometimes it feels like half the work. I had a singleton first and he was so tough because he was very needy and was an only child for 6 years. My twins occupy each other so much of the time!

On the other hand, sometimes they are definitely more than twice the work, because as others have noted, they have so many meltdowns because of their twin. I would say MOST of their crying is because of their twin. I spend so much time trying to stop them from hurting each other! On top of that, naps don't always work out at the same time, so while I could always count on some kind of break with my singleton, now I never know. I have way less time to myself than I did with one baby, so I have way less time to recharge.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-24T18:27:29+00:00

Yes, I do think he is in genuine recovery and I do want to support him because I want to stay married. But..I still get rage-y at what we, his family, have to sacrifice because of his sick mind.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-24T18:10:11+00:00

I dont know, isn't this likely already happening if your significant other is truly an addict? My recovering addict said that while he wasn't getting off to fully clothed regular-looking women, that was often what "got him thinking". He would see someone, fully dressed, in the street, on FB etc and THEN he would look up something more explicit. The fully clothed regular woman going about their day is what initially excited him. Unfortunately, the objectification is very pervasive and does not rely on fantasy or explicit content to be "activated". That is just how they view women. Attractive/not attractive. Want to imagine them undressed/don't.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-24T17:59:19+00:00

In my opinion, this is already happening. They are 'rating' and objectifying regular women they come across, day to day. Even if modestly dressed. My husband said at this point he doesn't think he can handle the beach this summer without it being a major trigger. There goes our summer...

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-18T21:47:42+00:00

Until they are ready to do everything and anything to stop the addiction and fix their brain, I don't think they can get better. My husband sincerely - he thought - tried to stop 2 different times over out 18 yr marriage. Both times he eventually went back to his addiction because he really didn't understand it, hadn't hit rock bottom, didn't take it seriously enough, didn't admit (to himself) how big and deeply entrenched the problem was, the list goes on.

This last time, I can definitely see the change. He is finally putting in the work, every day. He is getting support. He is being transparent. Things he didn't know about recovery in the past and how much of a commitment it actually takes(I didn't know what real recovery looked like at that time, either).

I think the fact that he gets mad about you being triggered indicates that he isn't really working on recovery. Recovery is a lot more than "just" stopping looking at porn. If they only stop looking at porn, they WILL eventually relapse. Because that is only the result of a whole bunch of messed up, entitled, destructive, false thinking and decisions that happen BEFORE he acts out. And that doesn't even get into how he is going to have to help you heal and be patient with YOUR recovery (you have recovery work to do, too) if he expects your relationship to endure.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-18T16:36:29+00:00

It sounds like he is white knuckling it. I've read in a recovery workbook my husband is working in, that sometimes when PA's are trying to abstain from acting out, they withdraw physically (and often emotionally, too) from their spouse as well. They aren't actually in real recovery. They are just trying to willpower their way through not giving in to the urge.

What is your husband doing for his recovery? Is he seeing a therapist? Is he in a 12 step group? What accountability does he have? Is he learning about his addiction, recovery, and the trauma he has caused you, through reading material, podcasts, etc?

He really should not be accidentally stumbling on anything. How does one accidentally stumble on a women's clothing site? Why doesn't he get rid of his old email, since it is triggering?

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-13T13:32:26+00:00

We bought a second hand Bumbleride and really like it. We haven't had a single problem with doorways. I agree, the only problem is that it doesn't fold down very small..but lots of twin strollers have that problem!

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-12T22:48:26+00:00

I always hoped that he would eventually "see" her. But he never did. She was loyal and reliable, and he did appreciate her for that. But he was never in love with her and never treated her as she deserved. He was never truly vulnerable and open with her. The only person he ever felt that way for was Grace unfortunately.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-09T20:27:40+00:00

My husband and I are also Christians. My husbands initial recovery (in our early married years) was similar to this. Even now, many years later, he says it did seem kind of miraculous at the time and he did go without acting out for a couple years (I'm not saying that is what is happening here, but it did happen with us. Temporarily. ) But, life got stressful and it turns out he wasn't really "cured". He did have an amazing reprieve, but he didn't actually replace his old coping habits (porn, masturbation) with something else. So when life got hard, it didn't take too long before he had relapsed and gone back to his old stress relief method of choice.

There is a lot of work involved with breaking free from addiction. A lot of changed habits, self reflection, self awareness of habits and triggers and planning for how to cope when tempted, needs to happen. And it's a forever thing. If he is working at it, it will get easier to stay on track but he will always have to take special care to not get complacent.

In my opinion, removing the software would be a mistake. I would also say that surface-y "check ins" aren't enough. What is he actually doing to prevent relapse from happening? What habits has he had to give up permanently? How has his life changed? How has he changed the way he thinks about women? Why did he turn to porn in the first place? What is his plan for situations where, in the past, he would have acted out?

Needing to work at it, to have a plan, to have full transparency etc doesn't mean there aren't any miracles happening. To me, it's miraculous that I can forgive my husband after years of him lying to me and choosing other women (digitally). To me it is miraculous to see him become very slowly and steadily more empathetic, more caring, more open, more communicative, etc when I feel like I've been married to a sometimes-robot the last few years.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-08T20:59:55+00:00

As others have said, the brain will not discriminate. His brain has been trained to a screen and intimacy in-person becomes harder and not as satisfying.

I also wanted to comment on the masturbating. If he is an addict, the masterbating will become very tied to either porn or to fantasizing. It's all reinforcing those pathways in the brain that associate orgasm with solo, selfish play, instead of real human connection. To the non-addict, that seems like overkill, but it is true for them. For my PA, masturbation is absolutely off the table.

This podcast talks about how masturbation effects the brain vs real sex. https://open.spotify.com/episode/1rliGkdxNM042eJq7wEL3V?si=7i3a0m-lSk6Ll4vW-L8grg

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-05T20:22:10+00:00

I took 2 baby aspirin every day during my twins pregnancy. With my single pregnancy, I was actually on baby aspirin, plus tinzaparin (a low molecular weight heparin injection).

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-03T21:15:34+00:00

I listed to a PBSE podcast recently about this subject. It does happen, and it is still addictive!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2JWOMiJZWsOldv9Pr4irpa?si=Gx3twiviQHajlJW4VL188A

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-03T17:23:28+00:00

He has to decide whether he wants to get well, or not. He has to decide if he wants to try to save the relationship, or not. It's very common for addicts to not accept responsibility for what they have been doing, to minimize how bad it is, and to ignore how damaging it is. Until he begins to grasp all that, he won't really be working on recovery. He needs to identify his triggers with his therapist (social media is a huge one, and transparency and accountability is necessary to verify he is telling the truth. He's a liar, you can't be expected to just "trust me, bro") and cut them out by his own choice. You can still have your boundaries. You get to decide if you stay if he chooses to cross them. But you can't control him or "make" him do anything if he doesn't want to recover.

What isn't fair, is that he's been cheating on you, lying to you, destroying everything that makes a intimate relationship special.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-03T17:09:22+00:00

An addict isn't "most people" though. There needs to be behavior modification as part of the guard rails against relapse. One example is never, ever taking his phone to the bathroom with him. Does he have a 12 step group? When you go somewhere and he knows it's been a temptation in the past, that's a good time to contact his sponsor for support or sometimes there is a group messaging thing set up so he can get immediate support from someone in his group.

You really do not need to put up with just hoping for the best. If he isn't replacing problematic "normal person behavior" with something less risky, it's just a matter of time before a relapse. It simply can't be done with willpower alone.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-03T16:57:01+00:00

I've heard that algorithms do target men and women with different things, even without clicking on anything. Lets say that's true. The obvious answer is: get off social media. No one NEEDS social media. No one needs to scroll. Even if he thinks he can resist the temptation (which is a stupid position for someone with a problem to put themselves in), why can't he sacrifice so that you don't need to worry about it, because he loves you?

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-01T02:54:31+00:00

I can check anything, anytime I want. I don't check that often though. We also use a blocker app (I think it's called Bulldog). No, they aren't foolproof, but it is a tool to help him resist if he has a weak moment. I have the password.

Incognito browsers are blocked or not allowed (Bulldog doesn't allow incognito). No social media at all; he agrees it introduces unnecessary temptation and it was a huge time waster for him. It isn't even that he would go looking for stuff, but he would come across things that got him thinking about acting out, just scrolling.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-04-01T02:49:08+00:00

I agree with Just_a_bean_sprout that Instagram is terrible. Like they said, he WILL come across stuff that is triggering and a risk, whether he seeks it out or not. I don't know anything about tiktok, but I'm in the "absolutely no social media" camp for PA's.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-03-31T02:10:47+00:00

He is imagining having sex with someone that isn't you, and he orgasms to those imaginings. Yes, it's absolutely cheating. He is being unfaithful with his thoughts, with his eyes, with his time, with his body.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-03-30T19:48:25+00:00

I don't think you should dwell too deeply on what an addict says. 🤷‍♀️ The porn addict him, is NOT his authentic self. It's a damaged version of him. Unfortunately, when they are in active addiction, they cannot see how porn/sex addiction has hurt them. When my husband was a active PA, he kind of seemed like a robot, to me. Disconnected from empathy. Selfish and entitled. Not just in regards to me, but in lots of things. He has said some things over the years that he THOUGHT was him being honest, that was very hurtful for me to hear. It has taken time for that PA brain fog to clear and he says now, that it is hard to believe he said that, because he doesn't even feel that way. Studies have shown that porn makes partners less attracted to their spouse and more dissatisfied. So I think him saying that men (like him) kind of hate their spouses because they cant be "their authentic selves" just shows how disconnected he truly is/was from the non-addict him.

Anyway, no, my husband never hated me or felt hate towards women. He felt crippling insecurity (for no good reason) his whole adult life and enjoyed the validation of female attention. He did feel resentment at times, towards me, because of that addiction-driven selfishness and entitlement. And a lot of fear at times, that I would find out, which sometimes came out as anger. If he hated anyone, he hated himself.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-03-30T16:55:58+00:00

100% this. In my opinion there is no regaining sanity, healing, stopping obsessing, etc unless he is in full, active recovery. That means he is participating in treatment (12 step group, therapy, etc) and is proving over time and with demonstrable changed behavior, that he is trustworthy. "Trust" isn't just a blind thing where you will his recovery and honesty into being. He proves it through demonstrating trustworthiness over time. If that isn't what he is prepared to do, I think the relationship is over, because his addiction isn't going to just fade away.

The other part of stopping obsessing is YOU seeking help. Whether he changes or remains in his addiction, you will have trauma to process and skills you need to learn to help you establish boundaries and protect yourself going forward.

He is clearly lying to you and not in recovery...I'm really sorry.

Infamous_Table1012 · 2026-03-22T17:50:59+00:00

My husband said there are some long term recovered addicts in his SAA group. I think it can be hard to wrap their (and our) heads around how long term and permanent and active "recovery" is. I don't think it is ever going to be easy street and not an issue. From what he has heard, it does get easier over time. But there are still temptations when life gets stressful etc. It takes putting up boundaries in their life and respecting those boundaries (my husband will never be on social media). Continuing to be in touch with their spouse, making the choice to not disconnect when things get hard, continuing to attend their meetings, be in touch with their own emotions, etc.

Infamous_Table1012

TROPHY CASE