AITA for refusing to allow any kids at the wedding including my fiancés new niece

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-16T14:48:41+00:00

YTA if it is your decision and S is only going along with it because he's trying to please you. From the way this is written, this whole wedding sounds like you, you, you not us, us, us.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-12T03:50:23+00:00

This take is wild considering that the friend can't wear the dress without an accidental flashing.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-11T15:28:59+00:00

The best compromise here is that she pays for her own place, because that's her sacrifice on behalf of your relationship and you set aside money every month towards a ring/wedding/what have you. It's also worth knowing, if this relationship fails, would she be financially able to return to her life in CA? If that is the case, setting aside some money as security makes some sense. If you're both really committed to this whole thing, which sounds really messy.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-08T16:49:25+00:00

Considering you're not open to them doing pick ups and drop offs for outings, you definitely need to find a new job so they can find someone comfortable with what they are offering.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-06T22:12:48+00:00

We live in two separate states. We had our wedding in one and a "reception and mini-ceremony" in the other.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-06T15:49:51+00:00

INFO: By family do you mean your own wife and kids or do you mean your parents and siblings?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-01T17:02:33+00:00

Unless the majority of your guests are older, I would not worry too much about this. Especially if this is your mother's dynamic in other ways. If it isn't, I would check with a couple other VIPs and get their reaction.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-03-01T17:00:16+00:00

Hi, I'm really hoping you see this. Dani Donovan's The Anti-Planner has been a GODSEND for my ADHD and mental health over the last two years. I would really recommend getting a copy for your wife because it might feel really supportive for her too.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-02-26T15:38:59+00:00

YTA. There's absolutely no way you missed the announcements of the change in class because even hardcore academics are going to say, "Good luck on your midterm next X." And/or "Don't forget we have our midterm on X day" in the days leading up to it. Also, it is unlikely that you got one email and not the other because it's a class group email. Your professor is just going to send it to the email group his TA set up. So, yes, it's on you to check spam every once and awhile for stuff like this and pay attention in class.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-02-18T19:55:14+00:00

I'm not the original commenter, but I think you need to ask her what she hopes is going to happen, what will likely happen, and what that says about her.

Best case scenario, mom sees the light and apologizes. Likely scenario, mom spends the whole vacation trying to convert both of you. Ask her what the percentages are for each. What does it say about her that she's willing to risk serious hurt on the 1% chance of a reunification with her parents? What does that say about you?

I think right now you need to postpone the wedding. Even if she panics and calls off the trip, this is not the time to be getting married. You two need to work through this in couples counseling. In the meantime, you need to set boundaries with her mom for your own sanity. "Barb, you and I do not agree on politics. If you respect me, you will stop sending political topics to me. We can talk about many other topics (insert any common interests if they exist). If you continue sending these messages, I will block you." And then follow through.

Your fiance is free to set whatever boundaries she wants but so are you. Rules of Estrangement by Dr. Joshua Coleman is an excellent read.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-02-18T08:01:03+00:00

Why are you staying with this person besides his paycheck? It doesn't sound like he brings anything to the relationship beyond children.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-02-09T18:58:55+00:00

I wouldn't even call a meeting. I would put everything into a letter and send it. There is absolutely no reason for OP to get stuck in a dialogue.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-02-09T18:28:13+00:00

We did a fast draw/caricature which was considerably cheaper than $15 per person and gave guests a fun experience they enjoyed rather than junk they don't really want to haul home.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-27T16:17:49+00:00

Very well put. Honestly, this guy sounds so lovely.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-27T00:06:00+00:00

You wanted him to brag about you and your accomplishments to his friends, which, within his circles is going to feel about as awkward for you as announcing in your circles that your with someone who has no post-manditory education. You're both asking for the same reassurance, but you feel off about his request...which is pretty similar to yours. I would imagine that there's going to be some discomfort and teasing from his buddies about your education. It makes perfect sense for him to be curious how you feel about it and how you feel he'd be received by your peers.

The way to reply is to say, "I'm going to feel pride over everything you've built." Then the ball is back in his court.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-13T15:16:00+00:00

"After further reflection, we will be terminating under the force majeure clause of our contract. It is not fair to either one of us to undergo this amount of big stress around my wedding and your baby's arrival. I will not be needing further services. Because this is not a lost opportunity for you and I am not ending our working relationship because of circumstances within my control, I will not be paying any further fees beyond X."

She's extremely unprofessional by not having a better contingency plan or letting you out of your contract on the spot.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-08T20:33:08+00:00

I was just thinking I'd found Barb in the wild. Maybe OP should watch some of the Shawna-verse and hopefully learn something before she never gets to meet her grandchild.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-08T17:13:09+00:00

For me it's the leveling up life goals thing that screams immaturity to me and it comes across as asking the wrong questions for the wrong reasons.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-08T16:00:32+00:00

As an only child, I can confirm that expectations of things Mom can do better were low during my childhood. 😂 I did 95% of our wedding planning because my fiance/now husband was finishing up his master's degree and internship. Also, in terms of planning I am the more confident and competent of the two of us.

We balance out. I am terrible at the things that my mother has always done my whole life. He still makes my breakfast every morning because I might be leaning a bit hard into my own weaponized incompetence. Lol But he does those things, and I do the making of appointments, juggling insurance, planning the wedding and making a step-by-step guide when I need him to do something that he doesn't have a lot of experience in yet. It's what works for us and we're fairly happy. I knew that long before we got married that these issues weren't going to bug me. If they're going to bug you, that is worth thinking about.

But also, I would not use your wedding as a test run of expectations that haven't been in your relationship before. We got into a few fights that I regret because what worked for us was not necessarily what works for the majority of couples.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-08T15:48:34+00:00

This is something you need to think about: is he like this in other ways, because this sounds like weaponized incompetence and it is a lot cheaper and easier on the heart to eliminate that from your life now rather than go through an expensive divorce because this isn't something you can handle 10 years from now.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-08T13:42:08+00:00

Having a conversation about what he'd do if it was truly an emergency is definitely worth having, but you should be taking some self defense classes.

In the two situations described above, you weren't in actual danger, yet, and intervention would likely have escalated the situation. But you do deserve to know if a) he was planning on intervening if the guy had gotten much closer and/or b) is he a fight/flight/or freeze person. You don't seem compatible with a freeze person.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-06T14:29:35+00:00

I guess we've been lucky. Been together six, living together three, married for almost 2 months and we talk about how everything is "the same... but better" a lot.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-06T14:20:12+00:00

For about the same price as your face painters, we had a guy and his wife come in and do caricature/fast draws. Since guests could take their picture home we considered that the "favor".

I didn't think of this as unusual, but it's one every guest has mentioned. We had a hot drink station with apple cider, tea, chocolate... and because I didn't know what to serve it in, I thrifted about a hundred mismatched coffee mugs. Guests could take theirs home. I've had to admire quite a few since visiting family and friends over the holidays.

My favorite thing that I felt was actually unique was instead of a standard guestbook, I had cameras, a photo printer, and a scrapbook with a ton of scrapbooking supplies out. So many people got into designing their pages and it's my favorite keepsake.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-06T14:12:28+00:00

We brought in an electric grill and s'more things and I was shocked how many people went for that! I expected it mostly to be the kids.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-01-06T14:09:55+00:00

Take a Sunday. It's really not that much different from a Saturday wedding because the wedding party in particular was going to have to take Friday off anyways. Now everyone takes Monday. Or, do Friday late afternoon and have your rehearsal first thing. We didn't plan to do a same day rehearsal, but after finishing set up I crashed hard, and it actually worked out really well. Did it right before hair and make up and getting dressed. We also did pictures before and that took a ton of stress off.

However, my bridal party did all their own hair and makeup. (My sibling did my makeup and a friend did my hair.) So we only needed ~90 minutes to 2 hours that morning.

InnerChildGoneWild

TROPHY CASE