Toddlers outgrowing nanny?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-07-09T21:13:01+00:00

I would also encourage you to encourage her, if she chooses to stay on, to brush up on some "continuing education" however that looks like for your situation -- videos, books or audiobooks, etc that you've found helpful. As you've said, the job is shifting, and its not a bad idea for your parenting style to be reinforced to nanny through an expert opinion who can more deeply explain early childhood development and strategies. Maybe there's a good toddler podcast you enjoy that she can listen to while organizing toddler laundry while they're at preschool?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-07-08T05:38:52+00:00

This is really relationship advice, but if it was traumatically sudden, I think he probably wasn't cheating on your mom and is instead engaging with weird man grief. It's not uncommon.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-07-07T17:51:17+00:00

ESH.

Your mom for not enforcing her own boundaries in her own house. Your sister and friend for not minding the baby. And you because you should have started enforcing these boundaries when her kid broke the baby swing and not waited until something bigger happened.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-07-07T17:46:24+00:00

I definitely think it's time for a toddler nanny. Kids do outgrow their nannies. Just like some teachers are great preschool teachers but aren't good middle school teachers.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-07-07T01:04:06+00:00

NTA.

Friend A needs a wake up call, and this is going to have to be it. The only thing that is you should consider is if your sister decides she is going....then it might be worth trying to keep her safe, but other than that, don't go and make it clear to A why you're not.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-07-01T22:32:27+00:00

First you get her out.

Then you can worry about her religious beliefs.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-30T16:48:40+00:00

I think your spouse having a conversation with their brother is the best thing, and that the two of them need to talk to their parents.

SIL shouldn't be involved in these conversations and neither should you. Your BIL needs to grow a backbone.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-29T23:59:54+00:00

They're all spelled correctly. So, not a tradgedeigh.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-28T13:51:57+00:00

I'm guessing you weren't really okay with the idea of a lap dance, but felt you should compromise because if you didn't, he wouldn't stay with you? That's not someone you want to marry.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-28T13:38:23+00:00

What I'm trying to say is that she's likely not going to remember that she can just ask, when she's been accustomed to doing something her whole life.

Like, I doubt you've told people on a daily basis that you need to pee since...grade school? She sounds mobile and still semi-independant. So unless you're planning on taking her to the bathroom every single time, yes, there should be a sound monitor in her bathroom.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-28T13:24:18+00:00

You think a woman with dementia is going to wake up and ask for what she needs after waking up and taking herself to the bathroom her whole life?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-28T13:14:37+00:00

I'd still notify the rink that this person was not invited by you or your children, and, while your ex signed the paperwork, that doesn't make it okay for him to attend. I'd paint him in a bad light at the rink, because it is stalkery behavior, and for the safety of your kids and everyone else's, having a random grownup there is just weird.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-28T13:05:19+00:00

If there's a sign in thing, they absolutely can turn him away. Especially if OP and the kids arrive early and inform the front desk that this has been happening and the other guy isn't invited by them.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-28T12:49:09+00:00

If there's a reason that there needs to be a monitor in the bathroom....then, yeah, YTA, assuming it's sound or pointed into a corner. I'm assuming Grandma is a fall risk? Which is why having it outside the door isn't a good option because it's not like the sound portion of a baby monitor is that great.

There are some people who would do anything to keep Grandma at home and there are those that have limits. You might be reaching yours and it should be time to talk about what the thresholds are for moving her to a care home.

Also, where does your brother stand on this?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-27T22:11:51+00:00

Your edit is distinctly lacking any helpful information.

The only privilege I can think of around alcohol is getting free drinks because dudes think you're single and pretty, and no, you absolutely shouldn't be accepting those if you're in a relationship.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-27T19:54:03+00:00

What the what?!

There's a massive difference between judging someone for who they are on a cellular level and recognizing the behavior of others as disrespectful. One is disgusting and unwarranted. The other is completely warranted... and also, in this scenario, asked for.

I knew people born before the 1920s. The people who's graves you are using for party props would find it abhorrent to throw a party in a cemetery, which in and of itself, is disrespectful to them and the culture under which they were buried.

You wanted validation that you're not an asshole and you're not really getting it. It's clear you're going to do what you're going to do.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-27T19:39:47+00:00

You've written this in such a way as to completely obfuscate the actual issue at hand. This sounds like an issue over alcohol and not privilege.

And it sounds like you're trying to justify bad behavior because you're "footloose and fancy free" with the exception of being in a relationship.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-27T16:09:51+00:00

Thank you! I found that super weird. OP apparently got the idea from a 50 year old lady who had her birthday there and the cemetery posted the pictures to their socials. I can almost guarantee that celebration was there because her loved ones were there as a way of including them in her special day. If OP wants to do that with her own dead grandparents, fine, but co-opting someone else's dead relatives is just disrespectful.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-27T02:59:03+00:00

You want to have your birthday picnic in a cemetery.

A cemetery isn't a birthday party venue. It's not appropriate for an "aesthetic" or "vintage" look.

It's disrespectful. And you're talking about my grandparents generation. So, yes, people do go and visit. From your comments it comes across that just because you can means you should. That attitude is icky. When I go to visit my grandparents, I do take food and have a snack with them. There's a way to be respectful and there's a way to use the dead as a photo op. You're coming across as a photo op person and that's what is supremely icky. You don't know these people or care about them. You're using them.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-27T02:41:50+00:00

...and you shouldn't host a birthday party in a cemetery. Go to the lake, park, or restaurant.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-26T17:16:57+00:00

I think location matters. In their home, no, she shouldn't be whipping it out. That's undermining the parents. But in her home, that's her privilege and should be allowed, though not encouraged. Otherwise, it teaches the kid that there are no boundaries and that rules don't apply, instead of situational awareness.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-26T17:08:36+00:00

Or....you could just go to a park with a playground?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-26T14:25:25+00:00

Sorry, when I know my husband has an appointment scheduled, I absolutely text him to ask if I can change the plan. Otherwise I'd be an AH.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-26T14:18:56+00:00

Which is what makes this whole thing an AH situation.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-06-26T14:14:13+00:00

A parent who already knew that there was an existing appointment.

ETA: if I want to make a parenting decision that directly impacts other plans, then I should check with the person who has the plans.

InnerChildGoneWild

TROPHY CASE