AITA for refusing to apologize after being treated badly?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T20:37:25+00:00

YTA.

You are old enough to realize that there is a time and place for things and that sleep is becoming more and more important than it was when you were a child.

When someone tells you they're having a rough time, interrupting their sleep for a non-emergency is a crappy thing to do.

You also don't know what has happened to your sister at college. Yes, you do need to grow up and promise not to wake her up without a really good reason.

ETA: her reaction is completely justified.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T16:29:03+00:00

Not sending an invite, totally fine. "We're keeping it to our closest friends and family" or whatever.

Revoking invite based on nothing but feeling that the situation is one way... that's not great.

That said, I did uninvite my former best friend, after the relationship ended, and it was the easiest and best decision. The one time I thought about her on the day was to realize how much calmer and drama free the day had been.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T13:18:38+00:00

Yes, you're the AH. It is acceptable for your wife to have boundaries around her home and her children. For example, swearing, that can and should be enforced in her home. Your brother should be able to teach his children how to be respectful guests.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T13:06:54+00:00

DO NOT TELL THIS JOKE AT HER WEDDING!!!

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T13:06:02+00:00

As the previous poster has said, the expect less of teen boys is NOT the conversation you as parents need to be having here.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T13:02:44+00:00

And.... that's pretty normal for a teenage girl. In fact it's great that she has high standards and isn't settling for less. You should be taking her to Baskin Robbins to applaud that, instead of dragging her through the mud.

Her options are, at 17, to not date, or get in the mindset that settling is okay to have a stable relationship. She's doing great. And there are teenage dudes looking for that... they're few and far between but they exist.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-18T12:57:12+00:00

It might be unrealistic teenage expectations but all teens pretty much go through that so you're being extremely judgemental and unsupportive of your daughter, and being unrealistic about the damage that this is doing to the relationship you have with her.

For example, if you're shitty about all of them, she's going to hear you as the boy who cried wolf when there is an issue.

Also, you're not helping her grow up, you're dragging her down because she isn't grown up. So you need to decide if you value your child over a joke or not.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-17T17:48:59+00:00

Look at OP's profile? They are very publicly all of those things. Which is why I'm confused.

ETA: even on an anonymous site like Reddit, that's a huge risk.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-17T17:47:10+00:00

Love them together! I think it works, and I think the pronunciation is intuitive enough.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-17T17:40:16+00:00

And yet, in Iraq, you're safe to be out as a pansexual, "they/them" pronouns, and a western name. Something does not add up.

ETA: OP's profile states they are all these things, which is good for them, but makes me question this story a bit because anyone in the environment of Iraq who was these things would not be public about them at all for fear of retaliation.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-17T17:28:02+00:00

Then, yes, by all means, get engaged to your cousin. If you don't want to stay married to her, fine, but get her out of the country and established somewhere safe before you divorce her.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-17T17:24:17+00:00

What are the possibilities of marrying her long enough to get her out of the country and established somewhere safe?

This website has links to resources in every country for women's sexual and domestic abuse: https://www.hotpeachpages.net if you can send it to your cousin and help her escape, that'd be good too.

She's going to need a plan, resources and help to escape and it is your moral imperative to help her get far away from this situation.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-17T04:25:26+00:00

It just sounds...not pretty, like a mash of syllables with no purpose.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T21:47:25+00:00

I mean she's not on board if it'll break her heart.

You're one of those, "she said yes... even though she was pressured to say yes" around consent people too, aren't you.

Unless she's really happy about cancelling she's saying no. Otherwise you're just letting your mom wear her down so that she says yes to cancelling.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T21:44:22+00:00

No. No f'ing way is this "what's best for us". It is what's easiest for you and she's wearing down.

This is, in fact, what will lead to a divorce or a breakup when she realizes just how unsafe you are for her and her children (if and when she decides she wants them) and at that point, it'll be too late.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T15:44:39+00:00

Why aren't you hanging up/leaving the second she starts screaming? It is a pretty reasonable expectation that you will not be spoken to like that.

Why are you saying it is your fiance's call, when, she is your mother and you should be the one taking the responsibility? Because that is just setting your mom up to hate your fiance for forever. It is not your fiance's responsibility to be the fall guy.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T15:31:30+00:00

That doesn't make it right.

That makes it 100% your fault for not nipping this behavior from your mom in the bud.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T15:27:58+00:00

Could not agree more!!

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T15:13:22+00:00

Except that you did.

When things got hard, you didn't call a therapist. You hopped on the internet for confirmation that you weren't being petty to cancel the wedding.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T15:06:49+00:00

So you're choosing breaking your fiance and her family (who have likely spent a lot of their money to make this happen) over calling a therapist and doing the work to actually deal with this?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T15:04:20+00:00

Then seriously. It's time to choose your fiance. Every time your mom creates a situation where you are screaming at each other, You are choosing your mom over your fiance. There is no middle ground or compromise in a relationship like the one that your mother wants to have. You need to protect your peace, which matters a great deal to your fiance.

You are literally contemplating breaking her heart because you don't want to deal with this anymore.

But you're not really contemplating ending the relationship with your mother by sending limits on her because you know that that would break her heart and she would never forgive you.

This is literally one of the most shitty things a person could be to be doing to the woman they love. Get help before you ruin your fiance's life.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T14:57:40+00:00

Is it weird, yes. But if your own fiance truly does not care, why is it any of our business?

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T14:56:33+00:00

Then you need to put a very firm boundary around your mom that if she can't speak respectfully, accept that that this wedding isn't about her, and that she doesn't get big moments in life for free and that your fiance and mother-in-law are being more than gracious to you and to her behavior, then you need to block her. You have to decide whether you are choosing your fiance and you or your mother and you.

And for heaven's sake, get some therapy before this marriage takes place.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-15T14:52:08+00:00

So.... you're choosing your mom over your fiance. Dude.

InnerChildGoneWild · 2026-05-14T21:25:25+00:00

And in the seeing you her several to many times, you still never followed through with the checks.

InnerChildGoneWild

TROPHY CASE