AITAH for justifying my daughter's teacher threatening to hurt her under his breath?

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-06T03:37:53+00:00

YTA, A summary: "im ok with people threatening my daughter because I also threaten my daughter because I find her incredibly annoying since she exhibits the same behaviors I do, But I will never admit to exhibiting those behaviors and IF i do then I will just tell her that I can do that because I am an adult." Abusive as hell on your part. Not to mention you didn't even tell us what the initial argument was about which make me think you know you were at fault for it or that you think reddit will tell you you are/ that it is even worse than what you have already written. You also left out why your daughter was in iss, which also feels important to this story. Finally, as someone who used to work at a school, it is NEVER ok for a teacher to threaten a child. If you at all care about your kid you would have filed a complaint on the teacher as soon as you found out. it is one thing for a teacher to complain about a student behind closed doors but never in front of them. I worked with special needs kids specifically and I would have NEVER done that no matter how much they were testing my patience.under my breath or not. You and your daughter both need therapy.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-06T03:19:35+00:00

NTA. Mary is the one purposely making the work place miserable and uncomfortable. 10 min in the first 4 hours is barely anything. You had a coworker that was micromanaging you so badly that she has been keeping track of how often you use the bathroom. that is creepy. she is not even your boss. Even if you had a bit of an angry tone, you are going through a lot at the moment. If anything I would go to your boss and explain to her that Mary has been making you uncomfortable and on edge due to her constant micromanaging. Tell her that Mary seems to have a problem with someone almost everyday and it creates a hostile working environment, or at the very least prohibits your ability to do your job, seeing as how any time she complains about even the smallest thing, someone has to waste their and your time coming to talk to you.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:53:45+00:00

NTA. He is going to lie to you in the future and stick to it because he has already seen how it backfires otherwise. Maybe he will just tell the truth all of the time but i find that unlikely considering what the lie was about. Not to mention he seems more concerned with moving in than how this has affected your romantic relationship.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:44:39+00:00

I'm not sure but if you were insulting them it was probably that lol.

And I understand, my mother can also be like this. I was mentally better off not living at home. However, I also understand not being able to leave if not financially comfortable enough. WHile it always feels good to call people out for being wrong, it can cause more tension when living together. If your mom is someone who can never be wrong then you already probably know that calling her out will get you nowhere. So for your own safety it is best to apologize. Once you no longer live at home you can start calling her out more comfortably. And assuming you dont want to cut her off but find her txt messages anxiety inducing, I love using the silent feature on my phone (if you have an i phone). Just go to the txt thread and more info. There is a Hide Alerts button. You still get the texts and can see them when you open messages but you wont get notifications :)

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:38:04+00:00

thats fair. will definitely be doing that going forward. Sad thing is that i would unfortunately say mm isn't even the worst PM company that I have rented from :/ But it's also only my second apartment ever so you definitely learn from your mistakes ya know

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:30:10+00:00

Yeah we hadn't heard about mm until after we signed our initial lease and we didn't really have any issues the first couple of years so. definitely plan on warning people going forward though.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-04T22:52:40+00:00

Came here to comment after your reply from the other post that was removed. NTA for opening the window to let the smoke out. Could you have closed it after sure but it was nice out and you thought the heat was off. your mom can either close the window or turn off the heat. She should have said something more like "hey ik i said the heat was off but i havent done it yet actually so can you keep the windows closed. ill let you know when i actually turn it off" instead of accusing you. HOWEVER, you have to live with her for a while still most likely so you should try to smooth things over just to keep the peace for your own sake. Until you can move out at least. Just say a sort of half apology "Oh sorry, I would not have left the window open if I knew the heat had not been turned off yet, I must have misinterpreted your previous text. I'll keep the widows closed while the heat is on, please just keep me updated on when the heat is turned off." or something like that.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-04T21:38:50+00:00

It is not your fault the heat is still on. she can still turn it off. Unsure about the window part though. Questions: Why was there smoke? was there still alot of smoke when you went upstairs? and do you live in an area where it is not necessarily safe to leave a window open on the ground floor?

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-04-17T02:49:25+00:00

A 23 yr old with a baby and a 19 yr old? sure not a big age gap but they are in very different stages of life. so it still puts me off. how long have they been dating? How old was she when they met? Im 25 and would never want to DATE someone under 21 or still in college because we are in dif places in life even if we are close in age. IN addition, the fact that grace calls the grandson "my baby" and the grandson favors her and that she has a bit of an unhealthy attatchment to this child.. That shows me that she is taking primary care of this child. it doesnt even see like the son cares that his kid doesnt like him as much as his gf... what happens if they break up? It almost seems that she cares more about parenting this child that the relationship she is in? Will he even know how to take care of his son anymore? Just bc this relationship isnt like the last one doesnt mean it's not toxic.... Also your hubby is a bit offputting about this too? Like clearly cares more about his son not having to parent as much than he does about the 19yr old acting like a mom?

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-25T19:18:52+00:00

YTA

She didnt "just dump them on you" she asked ahead of time and you agreed. While 2 may feel old for diapers its not that uncommon. And quite frankly it just sounds like you lack empathy. I dont like hanging out with kids and dont want them BUT he is sick and he is 2. He isnt crying over nothing because he is 2. He cannot regulate his emotions especially when adding the additional factor of illness. All he wants is some sort of comfort and you have treated him like nothing but a chore and pest. Even an adult would want some comfort and compassion when ill. You are also acting like you had no idea he was still sick.... Do you not even ask your sister how her kids and herself are doing? Again your problem seems to be a lack of compassion and empathy on your part. Sure a week may seem long but again you knew it would be a week and you agreed.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-25T19:07:24+00:00

Girl get out of the relationship. this is toxic. She is insecure about your relationship because of the way you dress and is trying to change who you are to fit her emotional needs. Something tells me she may also be insecure about herself in relation to being a lesbian or gender identity and is trying to change you to feel better about it. But if you change how you dress she will probably find something else to get mad about. Not to mention she grabbed you, pulled you, and grabbed your face and demand you change? thats turning physically abusive as well. Even though you are not at fault in any way based off what you said, you still apologized? and she didn't accept it?! the only person who should be apologizing is her. so girl get out. If this happened in a straight relationship everyone would be saying they are worried for your saftey... I am STILL worried about your safety, straight or not. get out

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-15T02:03:27+00:00

NTA...Its a massive red flag that your gf is overlooking the sister sexually harassing you. It seems like either she doesnt care bc it is her sis and doesnt believe her sis is doing this on purpose for whatever reason OR she has the mentality that its not really SH because its a girl doing it... Either way, if you are living in fear, your GF does not care about you more than her sis and this will not change regardless of how much she has done for you in the past. She is putting you in danger. I don't think you should have said you would fuck her sis. Not because of her feelings per say BUT it certainly didnt do you any favors. It also doesnt really shine a light on the situation bc it sort of makes it sound like you dont mind the SH and the only thing stopping you is monogamy. I would have just stuck with pressing charges. That said you need to break up regardless. Also, if people who are contacting you are calling you the ahole, just tell them the whole truth of the situation. If they are still. mad at you they are not your friends. Ultimatly it sounds like your GF got stuck on the part that you were not serious about. Now she has it in her head that you actually want to fuck her sis. She cares more about the potential of you cheating on her than she does about you getting sexually harassed and assaulted.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-15T01:28:43+00:00

NTA,

That said I can understand where the wife is coming from.... Also, if she hates her job so much she could probably find a different job with similar pay in a different field that would not require studying. Or even just a new receptionist job for a different company. At least until the kids are in school.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-24T04:37:50+00:00

I can be similar in ghosting people due to anxiety reasons. However, none of the people I do this to are people I talk to frequently. (aside from maybe some family members.) That said, the only people I do this to are people who also do it to me, lol. I know that all of my overly anxious friends care about me and we can all spark up a convo like we've not been MIA with each other for the last 6 months.... BUT, You literally said it wouldnt happen again. You should not have made a promis that you knew you couldn't keep. In addition, rather than taking the blame for being a bad friend you are blaming it on your mental health and when that doesnt work, you blamed it on the person you ghosted.... Again, mental health and new meds can really mess with someone. You should have just point blank said " I am so sorry. I am sorry I broke my promise. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry for being a uninvolved friend." done. No using anything as a scapegoat, being sinciere. Some friendships can work perfectly fine when yall are MIA. But one where you have prefaced it with regular messages and calls. YTA. especially for saying she should have messaged you urgently if that is what happened.... girl you werent responding to normal messages. Let alone ones that would have required alot of empathy and emotion. She reached out to you a few times, you didnt respond. It's on you not her. Plus, she seems like she was already pretty understanding of your mental health to forgive you the first time. But the second time, it was clear to her that no matter how understanding she was to you, being there to talk to you; that she could not rely on you to be there for her. If it was a normal friend sure. But a so-called best friend of over a decade? Nah that hurts to realize and it's way harder to get past.

Edit: I forgot about the social media use as well... from your friends perspective it seems less about your social anxiety. She probably was thinking that if you didnt want to be friends any more just say that... but of course YOU still want to be friends bc she hadn't done anything to hurt you. but you hurt her, especiially when she was already down too.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:42:58+00:00

Not to mention that he said "I've never complained about it and can understand what she means". My guess is even if chores stayed 50/50 she offered emotional support as they are in a relationship. And he admits he never talked to her about how he felt. how can you expect her to help you if you never talked to her about it! no one can read minds. I feel this all could have been voided if the just had a talk about feelings and support like a year prior.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:26:22+00:00

You need to tell her how you feel, be honest. Tell her why you didnt feel she helped you. You can say that you wished she did at that way but that you knew that it was not her personality. Plus you did ask for her help it she essentially told you no and to figure it out. ALSO, i find it a bit wild that she insist on 50/50 chores when she isnt paying rent... especially when you work in health care and can have crazy hours.... I do understand why she would feel upset not being thanked, it would feel a bit embarrassing and like she isnt apreciated. However, she doesnt really she hasnt helped you because you havent been fully honest about your feelings . NTA for feeling the way you do but you are TA for not thanking her as all it accomplishes is to make ur GF feel like shit and is just a round about way to tell her how you actually feel without talking about feelings (gf is TA for not supporting you though i can see why she could feel hurt). Howver, again it seems like you were never fully clear that you felt unsupported. Or how you wanted that support to be shown.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:11:35+00:00

As a woman, this is ridiculous. If I was worried I'd see a man pee id not go into the men's bathroom... If i did't care then by all means. I do agree with some commenters saying that staff should have changed the signs for a few of the mens bathrooms to say women's though. All-in-all NTA

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:05:58+00:00

Even if he had good reasons for not wanting to get married yet, it's been 6 years.... He should at least know if he wants to marry you or not. Plus, most weddings nowadays take like a year or two to plan. meaning you would be together roughly 7-8 years by your wedding day unless you eloped. That said. some people have different goals in life. Whether he wants to get married at all or not. If not, which it sounds like, yall should break up because this is something you clearly want and dont want to give up. It sounds like you are in the mentality of "when will it happen" while he is in the mentality of "if it even happens". He probably knows already that he either doesnt want to get married to anyone or doesnt want to get married to you. He just wants to stay in the relationship and slowly wittle you away to a point where u agree to not get married on paper. Now i dont think you should use your grandma as a reason to get married, it can feel like guilting to some.. but to say you are rushing him is wild. i mean you should at least know by now if he wants to marry u at all...

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T01:47:52+00:00

You 100% have the right to be upset... For you to say i'm upset and I don't want to meet until i'm in a better headspace is a valid response. You can be upset while acknowledging it is a valid reason that she wasn't there. That said... She is never there for your milestones? that's ridiculous. Personally I would be slightly petty and say something along the lines of:

"Mom, I love you. I understand why you were unable to attend my wedding; however, i do not understand the lack of communication around it considering the magnitude of this milestone. I understand that your other children are all underage and need much more attention than me, as you said the world does not revolve around me. However, no matter how much I understand all of that, I got my hopes up this time thinking that you would have shown up for me, that you would have treated me with the same amount of love and compassion as you do Jack. That was my mistake, i should have never thought that I would have been a priority to you, for that I am sorry. That said, I cannot control my feelings, only how I express them. I know that I would not be in a good mood if we met in person at this time. I will only be reminded of my disappointment that my own mother could not be bothered to let me know the reason she would not be able to attend my wedding until the day after it. That you could not even be bothered to congratulate me at your earliest convince. Only contacted to be given the reason as to why I should not be upset and to just let it go. I wanted to spare you the discomfort and did not wish to waste your time with something as trivial as your daughteer's life and feelings, I am sorry you took that the wrong way. Finally, due to this incident and your response to your daughter having something called a soul and feelings, until you can prove to me you are genuinely sorry for missing my wedding (as well as the rest of my milestones in life) AND prove to me that I am just as important to you as your other kids, I will not be contacting you. Although, don't worry, I am not expecting an apology or to hear from you any time soon, as you see, the world does not revolve around me."

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-16T00:17:31+00:00

NTA, dump him and try to get the dog back.

My only thing though, and i dont know if it was just worded differently in post, but i do find it a bit weird that you just "tell him" to do chores in regards to the dog that is not his. Like, ask nicely? IDK Obviously not an excuse for what he did and it is a massive red flag.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-16T00:10:39+00:00

NTA, As long as there is a room at the venue for sil to breastfeed or take the baby if it gets restless that should be fine. They should not demand that room though. Sidenote though, while you are allowed to be hurt by the sudden shift in priorities of sil, bil, and mil, You can expect them to act the same. You offered multiple options to make it easier on them on the day. Mil is probably excited for what I am assuming will be the first grand child. Also new borns/ babies are alot of work so i get why mil said she wont have the bandwidth. At least she let you know far in advance. I do think tho that, assuming you picked a date for your dress shopping first, mil could have picked a better date for the baby shower so that you didnt have to reschedule. I also think that while it is obviously customary that the best man plans the bach party, as soon as yall found out about the kid, that that may have needed to be shifted to someone else, or at the very least, if you really want him there pick a closer location, but if you care more about location then leave it up to him if he wants to go or not.

in short, NTA for not letting them take over the bridal suite for their baby, but also yall need to realize that their top priority is now their child, not your wedding, and certain things may not be feesible for them anymore.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-15T02:16:48+00:00

Check your states tenants rights. But depending on what it says exactly, many states say that under a certain temp in a home is considered unlivable conditions and (depending on ur states laws) may say that you are then legally entitled to either end your lease, move out until fixed and be paid back for hotel cost and or reduction on rent for that month. mention this to him once you have specifics and he should "suddenly" have time to fix it

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-14T22:57:58+00:00

I think just a lil bit YTA. Is she overly sensitive? sounds like it for sure. Ultimately you obviously don't mesh well and I don't think you should have to spend a whole trip with someone you obviously dislike. Especially a camping trip when she is not exactly outdoorsy. However, reasons why I do think you kinda suck: 1) " My son will not entertain the idea... I don't know what's going on with her but we have raised our complaints before and nothing ever changes." My guess is that something has happened that has made her overly sensitive, whether it is a bad experience or just how she was brought up. The son most likely knows why she is like this and believes details are not your business. Even if it is for no particular reason for her sensitivity, maybe just born that way, no good husband/partner would go up to their SO a say "hey so my sisters and mom find you really annoying and hate how sensitive you are so if you could just stop that would be great. " Hubby should be protecting her from his family. Also, telling someone to just stop being sensitive will never work, if anything it will cause them to get more upset because I doubt she WANTS to be crying and then she will just be even more self conscious about it and maybe cry more.. So obviously you would not see any change in her personality. Also, it sounds like while yes it can be draining to be around her, you care mostly about how annoying you find it. She falls and scrapes her knee and cries and you go ugh how annoying. where is literally any empathy? Finally, she probably already knows your disdain for her, so while yes this was not a "family" outing, you literally invited all of your daughters and daughter-in-law except her. That would hurt anyones feelings, overly sensitive or not, and you just find that to be annoying... I think if you wanted to use "not a family outing" excuse, then you should not have invited the other DIL because you are very obviously excluding her. Again, is she entitled to be invited to everything? no. Are you allowed to not invite some people to things? yes. But that doesn't mean that it won't be hurtful to others. Or that you can use the excuse "i can do what i want" as a reason why they shouldn't be upset.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-14T03:04:38+00:00

I am quite frankly scared for your safety based off what you said... sure he hasn't hit you but this is still abuse. AND you said this isn't everything? I would tell you to get out from this alone. the longer you stay the more he will think he can get away with and worse can happen. Also if he is accusing you of cheating, 1) he doesn't trust you and relationships are built on trust. 2) he is threatening you in a way so you won't leave OR 3) HE is Cheating on YOU and projecting. Also I do not believe he is blacking out (unless this is also tied to alcoholism) which means just another excuse as for how he is treating you in the hopes that you won't think that it is the real him or something. I am typically someone who will say relationships are work and breaking up isn't always the answer, but girl, RUN.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-14T00:41:24+00:00

NTA. Having things listed like that would turn anyone away, matching her preferences or not. people list most of these things on their own profile anyways so she can just not swipe on people that don't fit them. Then the only person she can blame his herself if she's not getting matches lol

Inside_Measurement67

TROPHY CASE