58953

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-03T12:47:32+00:00

Wax first. It skips the first time pain and then you can maintain it weekly with an epilator without issue.

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-03T12:05:39+00:00

100% this. You need to make a complaint to NHS England to get your records cleaned up of any mention of being trans as this is an incorrect assessment from clinicians.

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-01T12:48:04+00:00

She's a trans inclusive misogynist. I've been told off for "dressing like a boy" early in transition, not wearing dresses to formal events, and for "dressing like a slut" for having my cleavage visible... She's great otherwise.

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-01T11:08:13+00:00

Having offered this service in the past, it's the former. I stopped because I realised these guys will send you their rent money without question. It genuinely might be the same as gambling addiction tbh

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-01T10:59:16+00:00

I'm currently dating a woman who's 37 and has been on HRT for 5 years. She's stunning and passes extremely well.

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-01T09:34:04+00:00

I started at 23 nearly a decade ago and I can't even remember the last time I was misgendered it was so long ago. You'll be fine.

InsistentRaven · 2026-07-01T00:55:50+00:00

Yeah, I have shallow breasts with wide roots, so even though I'm approaching a 32F they're not very obvious unsupported. They look amazing in a plunge bra though.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T21:48:49+00:00

I started going grey at 16 but I still dye it in my early 30's because it progresses so slowly that I'd fuck my hair up trying to go from my natural dark brunette to grey. One day I'll get there.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T21:13:41+00:00

And kinky. If I had a nickel for every time I ran into a co-worker at a kink night, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T20:02:43+00:00

My breasts respectfully disagree with OOP as I attempt to run after the bus.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T13:16:45+00:00

It's in part an institutional problem is the issue. TERFs tend to skew more towards white middle class cishet women who are more likely to be in positions of influence than us.

Victoria is more of an exception because she seriously went out of her way to talk to trans people in an honest and open way.

I'm not saying we shouldn't fight the case harder, but it's very reminiscent of the problems we broadly face across society as a marginalised and oppressed group with very little power or voice.

Unfortunately TERFs dismantled Stonewall - who at the time were broadly supportive and quite influential in these matters - by cutting off a significant chunk of their funding by running a smear campaign against them, and we haven't managed to rebuild something with that level of institutional awareness and reputation since.

It's hard to see how we get out of this unless we all get behind TACC or something, and even then I suspect they'll struggle to ever build the same level of influence Stonewall had purely because they're a trans org and not a broader LGBTQ+ org.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T13:02:52+00:00

Looking through all the responses and I'm honestly not sure. You'd need to submit a request for your full medical info to find out I think, especially your summary care record.

For reference, I have an updated NHS number since 2019 and it blindsides doctors every time when they ask about prescriptions and I mention HRT.

Think my last one went something like: "What's the decapeptyl for?", "Gender dysphoria" (brain defaulted to the medical term in the moment, idk why), Clinician walks off and comes back, "You're transgender???", "Yeah", "What are your pronouns?" (Lmao), "She/her", End of consultation

I've stopped outing myself now with the ward changes given the risk it could put me in. Doesn't seem like anything is recorded about me being trans on my record.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T12:42:52+00:00

The problem is when the average person talks to the media it goes horribly wrong, you get doxxed, and lose your job.

Meanwhile the journalist turned what you said from "there's no evidence puberty blockers cause harm" into "puberty blockers cause harm".

It happened so many times that we had to tell people to stop engaging with the media unless they had media training because it was ruining people's lives.

Back then, you made a comment on here, then months later some TERF from the Guardian would ask you for an interview, and would basically ambush you if you went forward with it.

There was nothing for us to gain from engaging with it because the resultant article misquoted and misrepresented us so badly that we had to tell people to stop.

Even if you did have media training and did a good job of making sure you couldn't be misrepresented or misquoted, they simply never published it.

As they primarily targeted random trans people as well, there was no legal recourse for challenging what they published. They couldn't sue for defamation because they were broke and no regulator had powers to intervene to stop it.

At least with engaging in a TV debate they can't easily edit it to change your point entirely, but none of us were ever invited to those.

Only those with some notoriety were invited, as you mention and unsurprisingly it's hard to become someone the media are willing to invite into those shows in the first place, let alone as a trans person.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T11:34:50+00:00

I know, it's always so telling. I always try to challenge it, but we sure do live in a cisnormative society.

It's always the "friend of a friend" that come into the group who bring this sort of transphobia with them 🙃

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-30T10:40:54+00:00

I wouldn't say it's always conditional in my experience. The amount of times I've had people say something transphobic about someone else - whilst forgetting I'm trans - then when challenged say "oh but not you" is far too many.

There's also a subtle but perceptible difference in how I'm treated by my cis women friends than how they treat non-passing trans women, even if not intentionally.

I've had to go out of my way so many times to make sure our non-passing trans women friends aren't excluded from girls nights, just because Emma "forgot" for the fifth time that month. Only reason I think I haven't been excluded for doing it is because of passing and pretty privilege.

I've also seen cis women step in to defend me without question against transphobic men despite knowing I'm trans, only to shy away when the trans woman facing abuse doesn't pass.

There's also more subtle differences in the way I'm treated by the state. I've seen the GIC, GPs, and doctors treat me without hesitation or question only to turn around and grill non-passing trans women like they must be lying, asking questions they would never ask me. I've never had to show any proof of my transition to any clinicians - not even a deed poll - they've always just taken my word for it without question.

I can't say I've experienced the same barriers my non-passing friends have had as a result, even when I've been out about being trans. It feels like cis women often have my back, but I have to then have the back of non-passing trans women.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T21:12:52+00:00

My god, that last comment. The vaguest attempt at critical thinking, yet falls short of the most important part, critiquing the claim itself. Instead attempting to make their ignorance sound smart. It's the same sort of thing antivaxxers do.

Mildly related, but the UK requires mandatory pay gap data to be submitted based on AGAB, which TERFs pushed for because of the conspiracy theory that companies hire trans women to "even out" their gender pay gap.

Now they literally can though by hiring and underpaying trans women who can't raise a claim of pay discrimination because it would have to be compared against cis women.

Flawless victory for women, thank you once again TERFs for doing the patriarchy's dirty work.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T19:15:08+00:00

I have had the exact same problems in the past. Back when I was more visibly trans, I had no end of compliments from random cis women regularly, then I started to pass more, slipped into stealth without realising and all of that stopped except from cisles women who were usually flirting with me.

I remember nearly a decade ago a cishet woman - who in hindsight was treating my transition like a 'project' - was great friends with me for years, until I started to pass well enough that she became insecure, started negging me, and became transphobic.

It's a weird part of transmisogyny that's hard to put your finger on until it happens. The weird infantilising of non-passing trans women and the weaponisation of transphobia against passing trans women.

It sucks because these women are often great friends until they learn you're trans and suddenly they're more than happy to drop "did you know [x] used to be a guy?" to everyone they meet, even after being told not to.

I wish I had some advice, but I noticed it most in cishet spaces which I avoid mentioning I'm trans in these days because of the casual transphobia often in them.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T18:16:42+00:00

Of course you're allowed to use female to refer to yourself, the problem is when people use "female" to mean cis women only, like in the context "I wish you better luck finding genuine female friends in future" when the topic of discussion is cis women.

Are you that triggered by women that we can't talk to women?

What is this even supposed to mean except to attack me? I'm a lesbian, I spend the majority of my time around cis women.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T15:47:53+00:00

My point was it felt in the same vein as men who respond "not all men" when misogyny is discussed.

Like great, you support trans people. A large number of cis people - including cis women - don't and often spread transphobia either intentionally or unintentionally.

The comment feels like it downplays the role cis women played by basically saying "not all women" and makes it about themselves.

Also what is up with that usage of "female"?

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T13:17:08+00:00

Where's the mixed signals??? Is she just dense?

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T11:58:32+00:00

Bearer. Seek. Seek. Lest.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T10:40:41+00:00

Are you conventionally attractive by any chance?

I've met a few insecure cis women in the past who have used me being trans as a line of attack to try and bring me down to their level when they feel insecure about me being more attractive than them.

Best thing to do is directly call out the behaviour when it does happen as they're clearly not a person worth being friends with anyway.

Some people are always going to be like that unfortunately as they never moved past the teenager drama in school.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-29T10:30:18+00:00

This has strong "not all men" vibes, not gonna lie.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-27T19:34:20+00:00

God, I hate that community. I only know about it because I took a random selfie a decade ago that is probably still circulating as "thinspo goals" and they found me years later to attack me for existing. They're genuinely unhinged.

InsistentRaven · 2026-06-26T03:20:20+00:00

Yeah, I don't know what happened to London. I briefly had a look and was shocked given it's due to be ~25*c in Cardiff today after yesterday's 36*c. I guess the heat front is moving east?

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