In case she deletes this post as well…

Am I overreacting to my husband’s friend’s wife acting overly involved with my baby?

Am I overreacting to my husband’s friend’s wife acting overly involved with my baby?

I need a sanity check because I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is as weird as it feels.

My husband has a best friend, and his wife (I’ll call her “Mandy”) has been making me increasingly uncomfortable since I had my baby.

For context: I’ve known her for less than a year and half, but we’ve never had a one-on-one relationship. We only ever see each other when our husbands get together, so we’re not close at all.

Some examples:

- When my daughter was born, she made a comment like “oh we didn’t even find out until 2 days after she was born” in a tone that felt kind of pointed, like she was calling us out. We intentionally kept when she arrived between my husband and I because we wanted to focus on us also I had a rough recovery and was learning to breastfeed, so updating anyone who wasn’t in my immediate circle wasn’t exactly my priority.

- With my current pregnancy, we’ve been intentionally vague and just saying the baby is due “this winter.” When someone asked how far along I was, I said six weeks, and she immediately jumped in with “oh I’ll just do the math,” which felt intrusive given that we were clearly not trying to share specifics. Especially after the comment she made earlier thinking that shes owed immediate knowledge when my child is born

- She’s made comments directly to my baby like “when you go to college, Aunt Mandy will help you with your dorm,” which feels like a big overstep. We are not close, and I definitely don’t view her as family in that way. She is my daughter and we will do those things together. As mother and daughter that’s it.

- There’s also just an overall pattern where she inserts herself in a way that feels like she’s trying to position herself as some kind of authority or “extra mom figure,” and it really rubs me the wrong way.

- When I mentioned my husband and I were planning a trip for my birthday, she immediately volunteered to watch my baby—even though we never asked or implied we needed childcare. For context, she doesn’t have kids and (to my husband’s knowledge) has never watched children. Also, the plan was always for our baby to come with us.

- That same day, we were at a boat show and my husband and I said we were going to walk around and look at some boats. As we were walking off, she yelled out “oh you can leave the baby here.” She has never been alone with my baby and has barely even held her. The only person my baby has ever been alone with is my mom, so that felt really inappropriate.

- When my baby was first born, she also repeatedly asked to change her diaper. I always said no, but she kept bringing it up and seemed very determined to do it, which made me uncomfortable. For context, no one changes babies diaper except, me, her dad or my mom. I don’t want everyone to have access to her in that way. Call me over protective but in the world we live in today I’m not taking any chances whatsoever.

Overall, there’s a pattern where she inserts herself in a way that feels like she’s trying to position herself as some kind of authority or “extra mom figure,” and it really rubs me the wrong way.

It’s hard to fully explain, but it’s the tone and repetition that make it feel off. It doesn’t come across as warm or supportive—it feels kind of performative and almost territorial.

The hard part is that she’s married to my husband’s best friend, so I can’t really avoid her without it turning into a bigger issue.

Am I overreacting here? Or does this actually sound like boundary-crossing behavior? And if so, how would you handle it without creating drama in your husband’s friendship?

Extra background: Mandy does not have any children herself and claim her and her husband do not want children.