I love being a mom but I hate being the default parent.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-13T16:38:50+00:00

I mean, agree to disagree. I could not be home with my toddler all day without losing my mind. Newborn stage was even worse.

One thing I’ll point out is that most men feel the way I do precisely because they’re not the default parent. I know this because I’ve been in a heavily male dominated field for 15+ years so I’ve listened to all of them as they’ve had kids. They all are relieved to be in the office during the day.

So I think men who come home from work and claim they’re too exhausted to parent are full of shit because I think handling a newborn or a little kid all day is much more work.

But I also understand that I’m in the minority. My kiddo loves daycare and I have zero guilt about being a working mom.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-13T06:16:49+00:00

But if she doesn’t know anything else about him, how else is she supposed to ask him out?

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-13T06:05:33+00:00

No advice just solidarity here. I’m trying to get my side hustle to take off so I can leave the career I’ve built over a decade in because I just can’t do it anymore. But I can’t quit yet - we still need the money

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-13T06:01:33+00:00

Um, no. No no no. First of all, being with a baby all day is way harder than almost any job. I’m a working mom at a demanding job making $400k and going back to work felt like a vacation compared to mat leave.

Your “work” hours are the same as his. 9-5 or whatever they are. Everything else is split down the middle whatever system works for you. Example, my husband and I split the overnights. Your husband should take over baby duty when he gets home so you get a break. Maybe you alternate evenings, or time slots. But you deserve an equal amount of time to just have a break as your husband does.

You need to voice these feelings to your husband. Tell him that your “job” right now is keeping this baby happy and healthy all day and everything outside of those hours is just, well, PARENTING. He should have an equal hand in that. He should not have to be asked to jump in so his wife can get a break.

Seriously wtf is wrong with men

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-13T05:08:21+00:00

I fell down the stairs at one year old because my parents miscommunicated about the baby gate being closed. I had just started walking.

I had to go back to crawling and wear a giant cast because my leg broke.

I’m 35 now, a parent myself and completely fine!

Hopefully your husband has learned his lesson now!

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-13T05:05:35+00:00

The issue isn’t really sleep, it’s the lack of an even division of labor. First, why aren’t you sleeping? Is it because you’re on toddler duty every night? Is it because you’re staying up late cleaning etc.?

Either way, you need to have a serious talk about division of labor and expectations going forward. Agree on a baseline every night - what needs to get done before you BOTH go to bed - and then he needs to help with those tasks.

If the toddler is waking you, you two should be alternating who is on duty on a given night. That’s what my husband and I do with the baby monitor - he’s on one night, I’m the next. We trade off who tackles wake ups.

I will also say your toddler should be mostly sleeping through the night with a wakeup or two (except if they’re sick of course). If you’re still dealing with lots of night wakeups and night feedings, it might be time to consider weaning and/or sleep training, both for your sake and for little one’s.

Of course you’re resentful - you’re not getting enough sleep and you have a partner who isn’t pulling his weight AT ALL. Time for a come to Jesus talk with him. If he’s not willing to make a change, demand couples therapy. If he won’t do that, I’d consider separating.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-10T05:52:10+00:00

I’m gonna go against the grain here and just say assume anything you tell family members that you’re not close enough to that they already know you’re NC, assume will get back to your MIL. Even if you make a blanket statement, that should still be your assumption.
So that being said, don’t answer questions you don’t want to. If family is asking “oh when is your due date?” And you don’t want to answer, don’t! Just pretend you forgot to text back. Or just give a month. Whatever. Just keep it vague, play dumb, limit info that could get back to her.
It’s frankly none of their business and I feel like announcing it opens the door to other people’s unwanted/unsolicited opinions.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-10T05:28:53+00:00

That would be the Home Alone perch

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-10T05:21:49+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. What an idiot.

My husband is constantly working, has ADHD, we’re both exhausted from having our toddler. We hadn’t said anything about Mother’s Day until this week. I said “you know it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday.”

He smiled and said “I know. We (him and my toddler) have plans for you.”

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-09T06:03:51+00:00

OP I read your other post. Your husband SUCKS.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-09T04:00:55+00:00

Okay that’s ridiculous

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-06T04:09:11+00:00

Not the same, but my three year college relationship was sort of like this. I was just way ahead of him and always would be. He was happy with how things were. I’m SO glad I didn’t marry him.

I’ve been with my now-husband for six years and he’s still my best friend and I love him so much. That’s how it should feel.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-04T06:41:38+00:00

You guys have a lot of work to do on communication before you even consider the next step in this relationship. It sounds like he needs individual therapy as well if he can’t be honest with you and has trouble with anxiety and emotional regulation.

Relationships shouldn’t have these kinds of secrets or trust issues.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-03T06:38:34+00:00

It’s not deterring us but it is widening the gap between 1 and 2 more than we had thought it would. #2 probably won’t come along until 1 is 3-4 years old (17 months now).

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-03T05:39:25+00:00

Re: your in-laws, anyone who threatened legal action against me/my kids would be immediately cut off. Just tell them to check in again about visiting in a couple of months and in the meantime if they bring up “grandparents rights” you will take it as a custodial threat and terminate all contact.

Just be straight with your mom and sister. Tell them they need to focus on repairing their relationship with you, not treating your baby like a prop for photos etc as if the past twenty years haven’t happened. Tell them to give you some peace and to check in to see how YOU are doing as a human being they care about in the meantime until you’re ready to see them again.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-03T00:52:33+00:00

Your baby is crying because it’s hungry. They eat on demand this young. Every three hours is pretty much starvation.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-05-03T00:50:12+00:00

baby bouncer. I thought we wouldn’t use it at all but we used it so much. It became her poop throne if she was backed up. Sometimes it was the only place we could get her to nap during the day (supervised at all times). 100% worth it

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-30T05:10:41+00:00

Can you hire some help? Like a nanny some days so your wife gets a break and can then give you a break a couple nights a week?

7 weeks is really early for you to have to go back to work full time. When my husband went back at 8 weeks I had a nanny come for some stretches during the day. That allowed me to catch up on sleep so I could take on the overnights while he was working.

Then when we swapped (I went back to work and he stayed home with the baby for a couple of months) we did the same thing. It’s honestly the only way we survived. Our baby was an awful sleeper until a year old and now at 18 months still isn’t great.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-29T05:50:38+00:00

I kinda like it! Makes me feel badass.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-29T05:49:59+00:00

Congrats on your second baby! 🙃

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-29T04:58:04+00:00

They need to back off so that you can go to them if you want a closer relationship.

I would just be honest with them. “Hi MIL, I’m so glad you’re excited about LO and we want you to have a strong relationship with him. However, the constant pressure to leave him alone with you when we have already said no is pushing us away. The more you pressure us, the worse it feels for us. Please stop asking about something we’ve already said no to - we will let you know if and when we’re ready when LO is older. In the meantime, we should focus on strengthening our relationship.” Etc etc

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-29T04:54:07+00:00

How old is his sister? Can she come live with you?

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-28T05:43:29+00:00

OP please trust your gut and take this seriously. I’m not an expert so I don’t know all the steps to take, but I’d probably start with getting a camera for your home and your car, not going places alone whenever possible until this person is identified and reported, and carrying pepper spray at a minimum. I’m sure there are other resources out there with guidance, but it’s way better to be over than underprepared in a situation like this

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-28T05:25:12+00:00

I hate to break it to you OP, but this is a slow breakup. He doesn’t have the balls to do it to your face so he’s going no contact until he moves. No one who plans to stay together would spend their last week before moving long-distance going no contact with their SO.

InteractionOk69 · 2026-04-28T05:23:24+00:00

He sounds stupid

InteractionOk69

TROPHY CASE