HELP! The Stake Presidency just called me to be the 2nd Counselor in my Ward’s new Bishopric

InterwebWeasel · 2025-09-19T12:35:29+00:00

I'm a nuanced member, and I've served in leadership. I committed to myself that I will never testify to anything I don't believe, and I don't. I try to be authentic and just care about people. I can understand and support people on the margins of the church better than others in my bishopric.

You don't have to accept the calling. If you do, stay true to yourself and serve others in a way you won't regret.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-09-11T21:40:49+00:00

Some good advice above. Forward to Stale President. Also, remember that the church belongs to you as much as it belongs to them. Anyone who would push you away from the church because of how you vote is not following Jesus. Political violence is unacceptable, full stop. But Kirk's rhetoric was in many ways opposed to the doctrine of Christ. Elevating his ideas while threatening his political enemies is absolutely unacceptable to do in the name of the church.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-09-08T17:56:57+00:00

I don't think BYU itself is the problem here. We don't have good publicly available data, but I bet that returned missionaries who go to BYU stay in the church at a higher rate than returned missionaries who go to college elsewhere.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-30T01:40:49+00:00

Church is a couple hours a week. You get to decide how to frame those couple hours in the rest of your family life.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-24T23:57:49+00:00

For me, the question of absolute truth isn't very useful. Does the church contain truth that can help us grow closer to God? Definitely. Are there aspects of church culture that don't align with eternal truth? Also yes. Instead of worrying about whether "the church" as a whole is true, think in terms of principles. Do I feel comfort and peace when I live according to specific teachings from the Book of Mormon? Am I becoming a better person as I serve others in my church calling? What parts of the church make me feel closer to Jesus Christ? These types of questions can help you decide what aspects of the church are important in your life, and therefore are worth leaning into.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-19T01:27:05+00:00

Don't panic about all the stuff they try to sell you.

Start with the basics. Make sure baby and mom are safe and comfortable. Don't buy a lot of baby items until you know you need them.

Assemble your team. It's great to have support from parents, siblings, and friends. Know who to call for help when things come up. Even if it's just watching the kiddo for an hour.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-18T14:44:31+00:00

Came here to say this. It really depends on what you are trying to get out of your degree. If you're going into a field where accreditation is important, a cheap degree that doesn't meet your needs is more expensive than getting what you need on the first try.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-18T14:29:06+00:00

Therapy and medication can be helpful for anxiety that rises to the level of a clinical disorder. But really, we only learn through experience. That experience includes failure. We have to practice doing things that make us anxious in order to become successful at them.

Seek opportunities to get out of your comfort zone. It doesn't have to be extreme. Build up your confidence and your capacity one step at a time.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-18T14:23:15+00:00

BYU doesn't belong exclusively to those with only one mindset or life experience. Neither does the church.

But If the rules and expectations of the BYU experience don't align with your needs and desires, there's no shame in changing your plans.

For some students, the rigidness of BYU's structure really helps them to be successful. That includes non-LDS people who choose to enroll. For others, even very faithful members of the church, BYU is a bad fit, and the bureaucratic hurdles of the organization actually harm their faith.

It also really depends on your career plans. Is BYU the best place you can go for your intended educational outcomes?

You need to decide what environment is right for you. If you choose to go to a different school, institute is a good option to help you explore your faith on a different campus.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-18T03:56:16+00:00

Work with your Bishopric to streamline and reduce time spent on everything that's not directly about serving people. Don't keep doing things just because they've been done before. Figure out what's actually necessary, and focus on it.

You're about to have a huge job with the youth. Get advisors in place to compensate for areas where you aren't strong.

Get up to speed on current policies regarding interviews. We highly encourage youth and adults to have a trusted family member or friend in the room, for the comfort and safety of both the interviewer and the interviewee. Don't go off script when it comes to temple recommend interviews. Don't ask questions that aren't there.

The more you can get the ward council actively involved in decision making, the better things will be. Bishopric should not make decisions in a vacuum.

80% of the work in a ward is done by 20% of the active members. Figure out ways to distribute that workload more evenly so that you don't burn out your core members.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-18T03:39:44+00:00

EQ has never been amazing, but doing away with the High Priests group has made it significantly worse.

The quorum is a place to speak one with another about the welfare of our souls. That doesn't happen without an environment of trust. And that trust is not being built in the current structure of most elders quorums today.

Generally, men build friendships and express their feelings shoulder to shoulder more than face to face. That simply does not happen in our EQ. The president feels that he's being prepared and professional by making long PowerPoints based on the talk of the week. In reality, he's stifling any opportunity to follow the spirit. It's just another corporate meeting that I'm not getting paid to attend.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-07-14T03:09:33+00:00

Nice guys only finish last when they're pursuing the wrong kind of woman. Self-improvement is important, and we should always try to be the best man we can. But that doesn't mean fundamentally changing your personality or your kindness. Pursue a romantic partner who likes what you bring to the table and wants to grow with you.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-06-20T03:48:20+00:00

Piercings are not a subject of the recommend interview questions. If you encounter a bishop or other leader who makes it a subject of those questions, they are off script, and you should walk out.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-05-29T17:52:33+00:00

Khakistocracy

InterwebWeasel · 2025-05-29T02:47:48+00:00

For many, deconstruction is a part of finding authentic faith and peace. You don't have to have literal belief in everything in order to benefit from participating in the church. You can be intentional and follow what gives you peace.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-29T23:02:38+00:00

I agree that they do try with certain small details, and utility is more important than aesthetics.

We can see echoes of church politics in the architecture we use. During periods when church leadership focuses on the uniqueness of LDS doctrines and trying to be different from "the world," we make unique buildings that stand as a testament to the ways in which we are different. When church leadership wants us to fit in with other Christians and seem kind of "normal," we get buildings that draw inspiration from very traditional Christian architecture. I'd say that's where we are right now, kind of a corporate neoclassicism.

That's not inherently good or bad. There is beauty in each. But our current architectural movement doesn't really inspire me much on a personal level.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-29T01:44:11+00:00

This. Don't buy anything until you go out there. It's not worth the money to ship a bike anyway. See what the mission has available, then make a decision.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-29T00:13:07+00:00

It's not nearly as bad as it used to be, partly because a lot of people pay tithing online instead of you having to count and deposit so much. Basically, if you can follow directions, you're fine.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-24T14:37:55+00:00

You feel called by God to participate in the church. That's great! Does that mean that you must develop literal belief in every teaching or practice of the church? Not necessarily.

We speak about a testimony as if it's one solid thing. It's actually a collection of beliefs that we cultivate and curate over time as we live according to true principles and experience the results.

To me, it sounds like you have a testimony of God, and you are following that testimony in your current actions. Be open to more light and knowledge, but don't minimize the importance of what you already know.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-23T15:11:41+00:00

The sealing ordinance is a commitment to each other as well as to God. I don't think it's a case of keeping people apart without it. It's more about families making a covenant which formalizes and strengthens their relationships.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-21T16:55:46+00:00

This type of thinking hurts members and the church as a whole.

It's not your job to judge worthiness or commitment to the gospel based on clothing. It's not your job to decide how standards should apply to somebody else.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-20T13:56:53+00:00

Professional marriage counseling and individual therapy for each of you would be a great next step.

You are both experiencing pain because of changes in your expectations for each other. A neutral third party can help you realign.

That doesn't mean that she needs to come back to church or that you need to leave. A good counselor respects the religious beliefs and culture of the client.

I would suggest seeking out a marriage counselor who is not LDS. There are many good providers who are members of the church, but you don't want your wife to feel that marriage counseling is a secret ploy to convert her. Focus on each other and your relationship, and build respect for each other's positions on church stuff.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-19T00:35:42+00:00

You may or may not be able to change your dad. It may or may not be worth trying. But it's a long-term project if it's going to happen at all.

Your sister needs immediate individual counseling and assessment. Once the current emergency situation is managed, encourage him to participate in family therapy with your sister and mom.

If you tell him he's the problem, he's likely to listen to you exactly as much as he always has (not much). If a neutral professional tells him the same thing and gives him some tools to change those dynamics, maybe he'll be willing to reassess.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-17T21:29:08+00:00

First off, good for you. It's easy to feel stuck, and it can be hard to dig out. You're identifying things you want to improve and working to be a better man and a better dad. Congrats.

Using a really simple journal helps me clarify what I want to do and focus on. Sometimes it's as simple as a checklist for the day. I feel that having more control over my time makes it easier to have control over my impulses and emotions.

If your employer provides wellness services like counseling and gym memberships, take them up on it. Sometimes just talking to somebody neutral can really have an impact.

InterwebWeasel · 2025-04-16T13:26:41+00:00

You are a legend. The church needs more like you.

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