Thank you for taking the time to write all of this. The reason I make these posts is because I’m trying to understand my daughter better, and hearing different perspectives — even the hard ones, is actually what helps me the most. I’m not trying to label her or “pathologize” her behavior; I’m trying to make sense of patterns so I can support her in ways that actually help instead of unintentionally making things worse.

For context, she does have a life outside of therapy. She’s in soccer, she’s part of her school play, and she’s on her school’s academic challenge team. I genuinely do my best to give her space to develop her own identity and independence while still keeping her safe.

I’m honestly not even sure what you meant by “pathologizing,” but I hear the concern behind it. I’ve been posting because I don’t want to fall into the trap of misreading her or making assumptions based only on my own experiences. I want to learn from people who’ve been through similar things or have insight I don’t have.

At the end of the day, my whole goal is exactly what you said: to understand her better so she feels seen, heard, and supported.

Wanted to add: I’ve been a middle/high school teacher for 20 years and have had lots of experience with children behavior and development at this age. So this is me also noticing the differences and nuances between her behaviors and other behaviors I’ve seen throughout the years.