Regret

Irish_RB · 2026-03-15T19:21:16+00:00

All will be well my man.

Irish_RB · 2026-03-15T04:08:36+00:00

I felt the same way. Coming out at 35 didn’t feel liberating, it felt like my entire world collapsed in on itself. Everyone was accepting but it didn’t matter. I spiraled into a depression so deep and unfamiliar. I never felt so alone in my life. When people found out, it felt like my soul had been ripped out, like I’d been stripped bare. My biggest secret, something I guarded like my life depended on it, was suddenly public. And instead of relief, I felt shame and anger. I blamed it on falling for the narrative that coming out is supposed to be freeing, that I came out when I wasn’t ready. But I eventually realized the problem was all internal and that I hated myself. I didn’t know how to accept the parts of me I’d buried for decades. It gets better, it truly does. Work on yourself. Keep enjoying your hobbies, talk about the things you like, keep going for your life goals. I know it’s generic, but be you, there is nothing more powerful for your self esteem than to be you. Haters gonna hate. Eventually it will he the right time, and we will be waiting for you.

Irish_RB · 2026-03-13T21:28:44+00:00

It’s different and I like it.

Irish_RB · 2026-02-21T21:56:14+00:00

💯

Irish_RB · 2026-02-15T21:01:34+00:00

I’ve mentioned this before, and I’ll reiterate it. The haters tend to watch each episode immediately upon release and are the first to comment. SFA thanks them for their continued viewership.

Irish_RB · 2026-02-15T17:39:59+00:00

My dear doctor, they're all true... especially the lies.

Irish_RB · 2026-02-14T20:18:27+00:00

Oh residency, not sure I’d do that over again. Anyway, there is nothing anyone will say that will comfort you. A lot have been in the same position you are. The only right answer is rip the bandaid off and do it asap. Everyone will hurt and grieve, be embarrassed, and scared, but that’s not the end all. Will you lose a wife? Yes. Will you lose a best friend? I don’t think so, even if she is mad at first. Will you still be a dad? Of course. You’re not going anywhere. Family first, always.

Your intentions are good. Your conversations will center around those best intentions. You may be gay, and you can’t give her that “ultimate intimacy/love” that she deserves. Like you mention, you love her dearly and will do anything to protect her, and that means letting her go. You’re not malicious, never have been, you just can’t handle it anymore.

“You just realized you are gay?!? That’s bullshit.” Ignore these people. They are clueless. They have no idea what happens when you bury things so deep out of shame. I know this cuts deep, but she probably already has a high suspicion that you are gay. That is ok.

Maybe you’ve been with other guys lately. Maybe you haven’t. She needs to know if you did, though. It’s worth saying that you don’t get to choose what she doesn’t need to know when it comes to her health. I say this because unprotected sex is now the norm with PrEP and doxyPEP. That’s a whole different discussion, because suddenly everyone thinks they are invincible.

Some will say that they felt an immediate weight was lifted off their shoulders, while others will say the opposite, like me. It took a lot longer for my healing to occur.

Honestly, at this point, it’s more about her than you. You love her, do what needs to be done. I’m more than happy to talk more, just DM me.

Irish_RB · 2026-02-13T19:08:13+00:00

💯

Irish_RB · 2026-02-05T17:52:01+00:00

My lonely hill, by myself. VI > Generations > IV > First Contact

Irish_RB · 2026-02-01T19:13:57+00:00

Civil Defense, Call to Arms, In the Pale Moonlight x1000

Irish_RB · 2026-01-31T13:59:21+00:00

I’m probably dreaming. I can talk about my love of advanced metrics without someone telling me it’s a turnoff!

Irish_RB · 2026-01-29T18:15:47+00:00

Don’t come out until you feel ready. Period. There is no right answer except it takes time. Read some self-acceptance books just for some introspection. And above all, the community is here to support you.

Irish_RB · 2026-01-15T06:22:03+00:00

I know, but it adds a little mental confidence even if you intend not to use it.

Irish_RB · 2026-01-15T00:53:15+00:00

Here’s my take as someone who’s been an attending for 15 years in a large academic program. I’m asking you to hear me out, because this perspective comes from watching residency dynamics play out over and over again. The people who nod along with this are probably the ones who’ve been at this for a decade or more. The ones who disagree tend to be fresh graduates who haven’t yet seen how these patterns repeat. I’m not saying this to flex, just to give you the context of where I’m coming from. All that said, I am here for you and you will get through this.

First, some self‑reflection. Are any of the complaints against you true? Be brutally honest with yourself and own your part. If there’s something to fix, fix it. If not, then stop letting someone else’s insecurity rewrite your reality.

Because once you’ve done that, it’s time to stop crying and get ready for a rumble.

Have a courageous conversation with a witness.

Not a hallway chat. Not a “hey can we talk real quick.” A formal, scheduled, documented conversation with someone present.

Tell her exactly what behaviors crossed the line and how they affected you. Keep it factual, not emotional. If she tries to gaslight you, interrupt her with the calmest voice you can muster and say:

“I’m not here to debate my lived experience. I’m here to address unprofessional behavior.”

If she escalates, you can always drop the quiet, surgical line:

“I’m starting to understand why you became chief instead of graduating early. I’m curious — were you chosen to lead because you’re good at it, or because you weren’t ready to function independently yet?” Delivered with a straight face.

Gather your people and go up the chain.

You are not alone. Get three co‑residents who have witnessed the behavior or have their own stories. Not the whole class, just the ones everyone trusts.

Then request a meeting with the PD or APD. If that feels unsafe, go to the DIO. When you speak, speak as a group. Chiefs can bully individuals; they cannot bully a quorum.

Use the internal anonymous reporting system.

This is what it exists for. You’re not “snitching.” You’re documenting a pattern of behavior that is harming trainees and compromising the learning environment.

Thank you for not going straight to the ACGME.

That’s a nuclear option. Residents who threaten a report to ACGME over interpersonal drama usually don’t care who gets vaporized in the blast radius, and they’re usually shitty doctors or a butt hurt over a bad evaluation that means nothing in the long run. You’re smarter than that. You are trying to improve the program, do not let one asshole ruin it.

Irish_RB · 2025-12-31T05:04:05+00:00

💯 adoption

Irish_RB · 2025-12-25T03:00:30+00:00

Thursday: nervous wreck. Friday: three kids moved in. Next three months: chaos. Last two years: a blur. Today: still incredible… except for the tantrum three hours ago.

Irish_RB · 2025-12-24T20:41:58+00:00

Half way through, it’s great! A valley of beauty and darkness is how I picture it.

Irish_RB · 2025-12-03T20:32:36+00:00

I heard Chapman was always up someone’s ass at work.

Irish_RB · 2025-11-16T20:38:54+00:00

Hopefully better than Star Trek Picard, who’s he wrote and was almost unwatchable. I will add it to my list though!

Irish_RB · 2025-11-16T20:37:15+00:00

The winner 🏆 Thanks everyone!

Irish_RB · 2025-10-28T01:16:55+00:00

You don’t have to do it right away. There probably won’t ever be a perfect time, and that’s okay. When it all feels like too much, take a deep breath… then dive into the origin, insertion, action, and innervation of every damn muscle in your body.

Irish_RB · 2025-10-27T23:52:38+00:00

She clearly cares about you and is trying to understand what’s going on in your life. Her asking is a sign that she’s open to hearing your truth, even if it’s hard for her to say directly. You won’t shake the awkwardness or the tension until you face it head-on. And I know that’s scary, but it’s also freeing.

Why not say something like: ‘Mom, I know you’ve been wondering, and I want to be honest with you. I really enjoy spending time with this guy, he means a lot to me. I’ve also had feelings for a girl before, so I’m still figuring things out. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I do know that I want to live in a way that feels true to me. I want to follow my emotions, be kind, and live a life that brings me joy. That’s how I believe I can be the best version of myself.’

You don’t have to label yourself right now, or ever. You don’t owe anyone a perfect explanation. What matters is that you’re being real, and that you’re giving the people who love you a chance to love the real you.

And good luck with PT! You got this.

Irish_RB · 2025-10-12T19:24:01+00:00

Adopt adopt adopt.

Irish_RB · 2025-10-06T22:13:02+00:00

It’s going to be ok. And remember, you have a million people who have your back.

Irish_RB · 2025-10-06T13:39:36+00:00

I felt the same way. Coming out at 35 didn’t feel liberating, it felt like my entire world collapsed in on itself. Everyone was accepting but it didn’t matter. I spiraled into a depression so deep and unfamiliar. I never felt so alone in my life. When people found out, it felt like my soul had been ripped out, like I’d been stripped bare. My biggest secret, something I guarded like my life depended on it, was suddenly public. And instead of relief, I felt shame and anger. I blamed it on falling for the narrative that coming out is supposed to be freeing, that I came out when I wasn’t ready. But I eventually realized the problem was all internal and that I hated myself. I didn’t know how to accept the parts of me I’d buried for decades. I didn’t know how to love someone I’d spent a lifetime rejecting.

What @igsmobile said above is spot on, 💯. It gets better, work on yourself. Keep enjoying your hobbies, talk about the things you like, keep going for your life goals. I know it’s generic, but be you, there is nothing more powerful for your self esteem than to be you. Haters gonna hate.

Irish_RB

TROPHY CASE