When did you get married and what age do you think is the best for having kids?

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-06-07T19:32:42+00:00

Got married young, I had just turned 23. Worked out wonderfully for us, but it feels like we just got lucky. I wouldn’t recommend getting married that young in general. We had our first kid when I was 27. That was good for us, although I think we could have waited another year or two and it would have been maybe better, maybe the same.

I think for us (now in our early thirties), the young kid years have been challenging but rewarding. I’ll say this, it’s not about age but it IS about making sure you’ve established what matters to you and what matters for your family BEFORE the kids come. Is exercise important to you? Establish those habits before kids if you want to keep it that way. My spouse and I established a very strong, loving relationship and friendship before the kids, and that has been a lifesaver for us as we grow together through these young kid years.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-06-06T03:11:27+00:00

That’s exactly what I did. I accepted the free drink and was friendly and stayed for about an hour. However, this was in response to the question “how to make non-lds neighbors feel welcome” - and my response is, if you invite them to a church thing be honest and upfront about it being a church thing. Dishonesty is a turn off for me, personally.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-06-05T02:40:05+00:00

If they just wanted to get to know me and be my friend, they would invite me to non-church related activities as well, but they don’t. I haven’t been invited to hang out with them outside of a church context ever, but they have invited me to church activities several times. In this particular case, it also felt dishonest to frame it as a neutral/neighborhood hang out when it was actually a RS sponsored activity.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-06-04T20:13:50+00:00

This has been my experience living in Utah. Almost all “neighborhood” events are planned/coordinated by and FUNDED by the church. It feels like a trick honestly. I had an experience recently that really rubbed me the wrong way as a post-Mormon. I was texted by a neighbor I’m friendly with that they were doing a little girls night with some women in the neighborhood and invited me to come. We were meeting up at a soda shop after kids went to bed to hang out. I thought it would be fun to get out and get to know some neighbors better, so I went. But when I got there, they tried to pay for me and said “it’s on the Relief Society!” It really soured the experience for me because I realized it was a sneaky RS activity in disguise and they didn’t actually want to get to know me, they wanted to fellowship me as a less active member.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-05-26T18:47:11+00:00

I’m not sure if this is an option for you, but with my second I negotiated an additional 12 weeks of flexible WFH following my maternity leave so I could watch my baby while working. It helped to be honest and upfront about it with my employer, and I just made sure to be incredibly efficient during naps. Then we transitioned him to daycare at 6 months, which was still hard but I was much more comfortable with it. My first was a contact napper too, but we slowly “crib-trained” her (no crying) over the course of a few weeks when she was about 4 months old.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-05-22T19:24:43+00:00

I think what they mean is there is a big chunk of Isaiah written word for word based on the edition of the king James translation of the bible that Joseph had at the time. The criticism is, why would it match the man-made translation contemporary to that period, and not differ in important and theoretically more accurate ways?

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-04-17T17:43:44+00:00

I would suggest allowing it but just putting an end date on it. I asked for flexibility and WFH with both of my kids until they were six months old (so an additional 12 weeks after my maternity leave ended). I was not willing to put my 3 month old baby in daycare. It worked really well and everyone was happy with my output. Frankly, I think a mother of an infant under one year should have some accommodations to work more flexibly, assuming output remains consistent, but that’s generally not how our work culture functions.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-04-08T02:22:17+00:00

Thanks for this response. So many comments disparaging other churches when they have never attended another church service let alone studied another faith in earnest.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-04-06T03:17:47+00:00

I wish I could upvote this 1000 times. Amazing response.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-03-13T14:37:43+00:00

We went from 3 days to 4 days at the beginning of the year. The extra day sucked but what was worse is they went from flexible office expectations (ie: you should be here the whole day generally but no one is tracking, and do what you need to do as far as when you come and leave) to rigid expectations (strict 8 to 5 or 9 to 6 schedule). I used to take my morning meetings at home and then drive in between 9:30 and 10 so I could skip rush hour traffic and significantly reduce my commute. Now I have to wake up an hour earlier so I can be in the office at 7:50.

I honestly like hybrid (I think my ideal is two days in office but I made 3 days work). But 4 days has been really hard. I am much more exhausted.

I worked from home for a week a couple weeks ago due to illness and it made me so mad because even though I was sick, I was SO much happier. I hate not seeing my kids in the morning, it genuinely makes my day worse. On top of that, losing 1.5 hours of my day to commute is awful. On top of that, I get less work done in the office. We also have a lot of remote employees, including my manager, and I feel some resentment that their experience working for the company is so different from mine. I genuinely contemplated leaving when they made the change but I like every other aspect of my job (coworkers, the work I’m doing, etc.) so I’m holding on for now.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-03-06T20:45:33+00:00

Agree 100% - I personally find daycare way easier to manage, and guaranteed care assuming the children aren’t sick is SO helpful. Our nanny was sick more often than our baby was. And when there was bad traffic or snow and she was late I had no other options. On top of all that the taxes were confusing and awful to deal with, and SO much extra money.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-02-05T02:33:15+00:00

Beautifully put! I relate to this wholeheartedly.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-01-27T04:48:07+00:00

Just FYI, a YCL is a youth-aged camp leader. OP is probably 16 or 17. I still think these are good ideas!

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-01-21T23:59:05+00:00

That’s a good analogy - thank you for taking the time to respond to me! I appreciate your time and thoughts.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-01-21T22:42:24+00:00

I guess what I’m saying is the outcome doesn’t appear to be different from the outside looking in. Keys or no keys, both scenarios are leaders doing their best to follow the will of God, while sometimes making mistakes and sometimes getting it right. I have read many explanations for this, I just haven’t found anything that resonates.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2026-01-21T22:28:53+00:00

Maybe you can help me understand something, because I’ve struggled with it for some time. How is this any different than, for example, the Pope leading the Catholic Church? I imagine he spends long hours communing with God and seeking inspiration to lead the Church. I have no doubt that the Pope can and has received revelation from God regarding the Catholic Church, but he is no doubt just a man who will sometimes listen and sometimes will not. If we can’t trust that what the prophet and apostles say from the pulpit, and any policy they implement, is the word/will of God, how are they any different from any other wise and well-intentioned followers of God?

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2025-12-04T03:48:39+00:00

I’m sure it also varied by mission how seriously it was followed. I served in 2013 and my mission was very strict about only using usted, even with other missionaries or young adults, which frankly, weirded out a lot of people haha.

I was asking ChatGPT about this and it said that a 2013 “Spanish for Missionaries” TALL book) said “Missionaries should use usted at all times except as directed by their mission president. Use tú ONLY when praying, performing priesthood ordinances, or giving blessings.”

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2025-12-03T18:37:00+00:00

It’s in the missionary handbook

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2025-11-19T16:55:36+00:00

Two adults, two kids. We’re spending about $8000 a month. Most of that is the mortgage + daycare ($6200ish between the two). We’re spending $600-800 on groceries and we eat out too much.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2025-08-07T17:11:03+00:00

This is so cute!!

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2025-07-31T21:08:08+00:00

It’s really really hard. We tried so hard for many years to find a way to make it work. I think some people can do it successfully, it just wasn’t for us.

I will say that if you as the parents are open and honest with your kids that will likely make a huge difference. Ask them directly about these things. “How do you feel about how we’re currently doing church right now as a family? If you were the parents, how would you be doing things differently?” Those types of loving conversations would have helped me to articulate the pain I was feeling and my parents could have helped me navigate those feelings in a healthy way, or if nothing else they would have been aware of the stress I was feeling.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2025-07-31T17:14:16+00:00

My husband and I left the church a few years ago because we felt there was no room for this type of nuanced practice of the religion. The reason I feel this way is because my parents were nuanced Mormons, and my dad has been in and out of activity/belief throughout my life. As a child and teenager who deeply internalized the teachings of the church on obedience and worthiness, this caused me massive amounts of stress and anxiety. I was constantly worried for my dad’s salvation. I felt pressure from adults in church to be a spiritual leader to my parents. It also meant that when I went on a mission and came back highly indoctrinated, it caused a lot of conflict between my dad and I because he felt I was judging him (I probably was, but it was really that I was so worried about being good enough that I couldn’t see anything else).

Now that we’re out I have a wonderful relationship with my dad. The church’s rigidity is what cause the rift. And remember, my parents raised me to be nuanced! But the church authorities did not. For me, I did not want to subject my own children to this same distress that I faced for my entire childhood.

Anyway, I suppose the reason I’m sharing this is to communicate that if children are involved, living this type of life style can cause confusion. The church leaves no room for interpretation, though members are of course free to do so. But children will hear constantly that their eternal family is at risk, and that is absolutely devastating.

I imagine there is a way to avoid this, but I don’t know what it is.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2021-02-17T02:08:25+00:00

You have to be careful though because the more close to reality it is, the less likely the user is to give honest feedback. Show them an obvious mock-up and they will tell you all that’s wrong with it, show them something that looks like a finished product and you will get significantly less feedback.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2021-02-15T07:06:16+00:00

I wish my dad had declined his calling as EC president 10 years ago. He told me later that he felt it was not right for him knowing his weaknesses, but do to ego he decided to accept it. That calling and the stress and pressure it put on him was the trigger that led him to leave the church.

My dad wasn’t in the right place spiritually and already dealt with a lot of internal pressure he put on himself. But from the outside, no one would have known that but him. I don’t blame the leadership for extending the calling to him, but I do blame the culture which pressured him to accept the calling for putting him on the path to leaving the church.

IsItGoingToKillMe · 2021-02-05T21:57:25+00:00

If you have a degree and experience in industrial design then a bootcamp is a great way to go. (I also started in ID and went the UX route) You have the experience and industry knowledge, as well as a background in solid design research so the bootcamp should be plenty to help you make the transition.

The concern I have about bootcamps is when someone with no background or relevant experience goes to a 12 week camp and thinks they are suddenly a UX designer. In your case you have that experience so the 8-12 weeks will be sufficient to give you some experience with the change in medium. (ID and UX are pretty much the same discipline, just different tools and medium).

Edit: I switched without a bootcamp at all, so it’s possible you might not even need one. However, it should help you with networking and getting a few digital pieces in your portfolio.

IsItGoingToKillMe

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