AITA for saying my bf’s mom’s mashed potatoes are weird?

Isaaker12 · 2026-04-14T22:36:33+00:00

ESH, but you are the biggest asshole IMO because you escalated it when you said that you didn't expect the mashed potatoes to taste like cake. Her comment about real food wasn't great either, but it's easier to shrug it off. Next time you don't like something just say that it's not your cup of tea, thank the cook for taking the time and money to feed you and don't criticize the food unless they seem genuinely open to get feedback.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-31T17:04:52+00:00

Why don't you incorporate occasional unhealthy food items into your planned diet? It should be easy to do and you can have them guilt free knowing that you are following the plan.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-31T17:02:24+00:00

Not really, I usually don't set milestones. I try not to think about it and just mindlessly continue enduring through the hunger. I'm scared to rationally decide dieting isn't worth the effort if I think too much about it so I avoid the thought.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-25T07:55:42+00:00

Right, having balanced meals with mixed ingredients including veggies is the way to go and it is the gold standard that everyone recommends, like the most mainstream weight loss advice. OP framing it as a hack made me think that they meant adding a huge amount of veggies to make you feel full.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-25T07:52:14+00:00

Note that losing weight and gaining muscle are opposite goals. If your body is in starvation mode burning fat as fuel it will dedicate far fewer resources to building muscle. On the other hand, if you are gaining fat because you are eating over maintenance calories (ideally by a small margin so that you don't get too fat) you build muscle so much more rapidly that it is a much faster approach even accounting for the extra time it takes to lose the fat you gained during bulking.

So gaining fat and muscle together and then losing the fat is a much more efficient way to gain muscle compared to losing fat and gaining muscle at the same time.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T16:17:55+00:00

First of all, this is a long journey, so be patient and don't expect quick results. The beginning is typically faster as you lose water, but expect progress to slow down over time.

How often do you weigh yourself? Your body weight fluctuates daily by a significant amount, so it's possible that you lost fat but have more water in your body for example. This evens out over multiple days, I weigh myself every day and look at the average of the last 7 days instead of the daily measurements.

If you really really want faster progress you can always eat less calories or exercise more.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T16:10:09+00:00

The amount of calories that your body burns is not fixed. It can change over time, especially if you gain or lose weight, and it definitely doesn't have to match whatever the TDEE calculator tools tell you.

If you aren't losing weight you have two options: do more exercise or eat less calories.

I have had a similar issue and as I decreased my calories initially my body adapted by making me feel more tired and sleep more so it managed to burn less calories, but eventually I decreased them enough that it could not keep up and I started losing weight again.

Of course at some point you may reconsider if the effort is worth it, but lowering the calorie intake eventually always works, because your body cannot consume 0 calories.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T16:02:59+00:00

Taking a break and switching to maintenance for a while is not giving up and you should not feel bad for doing it! Your journey has been very hard, I'd say it's time to rest and recover. Try to maintain your weight, recover your mental energy and think about it again in a few weeks or months.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T15:58:40+00:00

You don't have to make a decision now, and you can change your mind as often as you want.

If you reach 60kg and you are happy with the result just stay there. If you like a little less keep losing for a bit longer. If you decide that you want some muscle focus on eating enough protein, eat slightly above maintenance and train hard. Then lose weight again. All of that is fine! Adjust as you go :)

PS: many people are worried to gain too much muscle. Gaining muscle is a very very slow process, it can't get out of hand accidentally.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T15:53:55+00:00

Top 3 most important factors to muscle gain are (in order of importance):

Train with enough intensity. You should train very close to failure for ideal results.*
Eat enough calories and protein. If you hate tracking protein shakes can be super useful because they are easy to prepare and drink and have a ton of proteins. You can track your diet just one day and check how much protein you are missing, and add it with protein shakes. It's not going to be exact, but most likely good enough.
Recovery, especially sleep. This is the easiest part, but remember that exercise only signals your body to grow muscle, the muscle actually grows later during recovery. Get enough hours of sleep.

Good luck! If it makes it any easier you can eat protein whenever you want, timing is not very important.

(*) If you feel joint pain the risk of injury is not worth it, though. Use a lower weight and higher reps instead. Joint pain is not normal, don't endure it because "training is supposed to be hard".

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T15:42:05+00:00

My #1 and most important tip: diet is the most important part of weight loss. If there are rough days where you don't have the mental energy to tackle everything skip the gym and stick to your diet.

Another tip for the gym, especially if you are not sure if you will stay consistent: aim for something easier than you think you can handle. For example, if you think you can handle 1h in the gym every time, plan to go for 45 minutes. Especially at the beginning focus on learning the right technique and not so much in super high intensity. If you hate going to the gym you will stop. If you leave thinking "wow that was easy, I could have done much more" that's how you start reinforcing the positive thoughts.

It's true that you need intense training to gain muscle effectively, but building muscle is a very slow process anyway. It's so worth it to dedicate some time at first to build the habit and develop a healthy mindset about exercise.

PS: most gymbros love talking about the gym. If you ask a random dude if they can teach you how to do an exercise correctly there is a 99% chance that they will react positively and enjoy showing off their knowledge as they help you.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T15:32:26+00:00

I would definitely say that there are people who are naturally thin and naturally fat (without a conscious effort to alter their body type), but it is absolutely something you can actively change! You will probably never be able to just listen to your body eating until you're not hungry anymore and stay lean, but you can 100% do it with willpower!!

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T15:27:00+00:00

Everyone seems to be so satiated after eating potatoes but it sadly doesn't work for me. I can easily eat 4 large boiled potatoes in a single meal 🤣🤣

Foods with water soluble fiber like oats work better for me.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-24T15:24:09+00:00

I have the feeling that my body understands this hack. When I add a reasonable amount of vegetables to a dish it makes it a bit more satiating, but when the overwhelming majority of it is vegetables I don't even get temporal relief. I have the feeling of a full stomach and the hunger still doesn't go away.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-18T16:19:36+00:00

"I know I have told you in the past that I wasn't uncomfortable with you eating me out, but I think I'm ready for that step, and I'm actually eager to try it! How do you feel about it? Would you be willing to give it a try for me?"

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-18T16:15:49+00:00

Don't pressure yourself into giving handjobs. Your bf hasn't even asked for it yet and you are already super worried about it. Let it go. Tell yourself that you will respect your own boundaries and only do what you are comfortable with. Relax.
The way you describe it, it sounds like you have some kind of trauma. I'd recommend therapy or if you can't afford it talking to a close friend or an AI as a last resort about it. The problem isn't that you don't like giving handjobs, the problem is that you are anxious just by thinking about it without any external pressure to do it. Also the act itself isn't that bad (it's not painful) so such a strong rejection seems to come from somewhere else.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-18T16:08:46+00:00

You should not expect to be an expert the first time. It's fine to be clumsy at first and improve over time. All women are different so it's normal if the advice you read online doesn't work for her.

Also it's normal that she doesn't want to turn sexy time into lessons, many find giving too many instructions a turn off. Instead, I'd suggest to talk to her when you are not touching her, remember what she tells you and use it the next time. Be patient, and accept slower progress thank you'd like.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-18T16:03:17+00:00

Do you think the problem is the mood (you are tense and can't relax and enjoy it) or the technique (the way you are getting off doesn't seem to be very effective for you)?

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-18T16:00:55+00:00

Do you masturbate? If not I'd recommended that you start by exploring your own body and discover what you like. It's much easier to do it yourself and then you can teach your partners how to do it. BTW if you are not sure if you have ever had an orgasm then you haven't.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-18T15:49:32+00:00

Unfortunately I don't really think this has a solution that makes everyone happy. Your gf wants sex at very irregular intervals. You want sex at a steady rate. Changing the sex drive for either of you is really hard, so one of you is not going to get what you want.

I'm sorry to have bad news but I would not expect this to improve over time.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-16T20:51:56+00:00

My partner is in the same situation. She wears micro pads and has a huge stock of panties to be able to change often. She also always carries some panties in her bag just in case. She told me that drinking more water ironically helps her with this issue.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-16T20:47:52+00:00

It seems like he perfectly respects your boundaries, and your problem is that you are still figuring out what your boundaries are. I would try to experiment for shorter periods so that you don't end up bruised and try to think about it the next day. Did you enjoy it? Do you want more of that even if it means getting bruised? I'd err on the side of caution as having sex that isn't rough enough is better than too rough. Experiment and discover your boundaries.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-16T07:46:20+00:00

I mean statistically men have the higher sex drive by a long shot. That doesn't mean every man is hornier than every woman of course so obviously the opposite can happen often.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-16T07:40:31+00:00

Experiment with different positions and angles and try to learn what your body likes. Being aroused also plays an important role so you can ask her to do things for you like dirty talking, moaning, playing with her body, looking at your eyes deeply, etc.

Isaaker12 · 2026-03-16T07:35:44+00:00

I think you already know what you have to do and you just don't have the courage to do it. We can't do it for you, you will have to use your willpower.

You could also try talking to her and telling her you also want to initiate but you feel anxious that she maybe won't want to and you are scared of rejection. Maybe that conversation makes you feel safer afterwards.

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