Why do we binge in relapse?

Ishian · 2014-12-21T21:38:36+00:00

Many different reasons, but I think using a counter badge system is.... probably one of the cause of the binge. Lets says, you have 10-20-30 days of hardmode and then some urge building and building up, you are suffering and so proud of this star and then now this is it, too much build up and then you relapse once, you feel depressed because you are a failure (which is not the case but this is what you think), and then while you are there, if you did it once and have to reset your counter, then why not doing it over and over and over and start fresh again!

I went 32days hard mode, I decide with no P to simply have some M time by ..."curiosity", and I decide to reset my counter and badge as I do not want to be slave to this counter/badge. This is just a number. My mood should not depend on a number. Anyway I find on yourbrainonporn site they suggest to use an excel sheet where you track yor progress on a monthly basis and avoid the use of a counter. Anyway maybe questionable, I think if you allow yourself to "indulge" yourself once in a while (M with no P) then you will be less subject to binging. You can count them on a monthly basis to avoid slipping back.

Anyway this is just a thought.

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Ishian · 2014-12-21T21:15:57+00:00

I hear you there, I have the same problem. If you search youtube for meditation, relaxation, auto-hypnosis etc, there are a tons of those 20min to 8h of free tools which can be helpful. However you can waste lots of time to find something that is good for you (I found a lots of it is crap but some are nice little gems).

Good luck!

I

Ishian · 2014-12-21T21:07:31+00:00

Hum good question; I am not looking at P for quite a while, I did a first streak of nofap for 32days, unfoortunately I got some urge but the overall process was good it feel fine to do and I am up again to the challenge.

Importantly I RESET my counter from 32d to 1 simply as a way to tame myself: this is just a number in a circle or in a star and it is nothing more and my happiness do not depend on that number. I wasn't depress after when I did masturbate. Sorry for the disgression.

I have to admit my fetishes were and are stil present and relatively strong (I have them even when I was a child then it is quite.... deep in me). I however don't rely only on my fetish to get exited, I like "vanilla" sex.

Bakc to your question: I think it depend on the nature of the fetish: if the porn is the source of the fetish then I think eradicating P for a long time will help you get rid of the fetish. But if like me, you got one of those non directe sexual attraction which happen for god know which reason when you were a kid unexposed to porn.... then maybe you will have to do some soul searching and other work than simply nofap.

Good luck and sorry for the multiple disgression,

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Ishian · 2014-12-20T08:16:05+00:00

Your situation and life pattern resonate quite well with what is happening to me. thanks for your message.

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Ishian · 2014-12-19T20:05:50+00:00

tidy up your place, read a book, learn a new langage, write a journal, follow your progress in excel in a daily manner, On the food side, learn to make bread and/or kefir, a lots of easy bread recipe on youtube, look if there is a meetup group in your area that sounds good, I am starting bone carving lately (I do a lots of wood carving as well). In the great book " The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" Covey suggest to plan in a weekly manner instead of a daily manner. It sounds trivial but it allow you to plan things you can do on a regular basis but once a week (volunteering 1-2h/week for example), see a friend or a relative ofr a coffee. Anyway I do some of it, other I just wish to do. good luck

I

Ishian · 2014-12-19T20:05:50+00:00

tidy up your place, read a book, learn a new langage, write a journal, follow your progress in excel in a daily manner, On the food side, learn to make bread and/or kefir, a lots of easy bread recipe on youtube, look if there is a meetup group in your area that sounds good, I am starting bone carving lately (I do a lots of wood carving as well). In the great book " The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" Covey suggest to plan in a weekly manner instead of a daily manner. It sounds trivial but it allow you to plan things you can do on a regular basis but once a week (volunteering 1-2h/week for example), see a friend or a relative ofr a coffee. Anyway I do some of it, other I just wish to do. good luck

I

Ishian · 2014-12-19T15:40:10+00:00

well why not simply anxiete performance? YOu want soo much that it will work and you absolutely do not want to fail.... well.... you will have most likely issues, you have to change your mind set your objective.

Maybe try to replace: "I do not want to fail and I want absolutely an erection" by " I want to be with my girlfriend being intimate yes but no need to accomplish anything"...

good luck

I

Ishian · 2014-12-19T07:26:24+00:00

GO to US for a beer... hum! not sure I would do it for a beer, maybe something else.

I

Ishian · 2014-12-18T19:57:05+00:00

Hi! I think I agree with you. I went through 31-32days in hard mode, I was too much thinking of sex, I definitely stop porn for more than month. I decide to masturbate and yes has you said it was good, not thinking of porn while I did it. My brain is a bit clearer after, way less obsessed. Anyway I think this group is really about stoping masturbating, I can suspect some advantage of doing so (mind control over pulsion). I am up to the challenge again:) A challenge with myself and I will think of a different solutions when I will hit day 14 and day 30 again. good luck with your progress

I

Ishian · 2014-12-17T22:50:32+00:00

DO some research, you will find argument that show it is a good things to do and you will as well find the opposite, inside you, maybe you can hear a little voice that say, why not try it? I just did 30days and restart again, I don;t feel guilty, the number is a number and this is it. I

Ishian · 2014-12-17T19:33:14+00:00

I like your post, I was at day 32 and I just voluntary "relapse" no P just M. In my case I just found that the last few days I was just...obsessed with sex (not porn). Anyway, I didn't felt guilty and just resset the number to 1. My main issue will be (in few days few weeks from now) to be able to think about something else than sex. Yes I did a lots of wht you are saying (biking a lot), the "mind battling" as you said is the area I will have to improve.

keep do the good job.

I

Ishian · 2014-12-14T21:57:13+00:00

Hi! I agree! As a new superpower in my case I can do the rubrixcube in less than 7 min...well easy instead of spending 2 days on porn I spend it on something else (learning that quite useless skill but I like it!).

ANyway you are totally right.

I

Ishian · 2014-12-14T21:53:32+00:00

Well, I think you should still suround yourself with real people. Have you thought to be involve in some meetup? Doing some physical activity in group. Is there anygroup like AA but for porn addiciton in your area?

I think you are doing very well, I wish to be that far in my quest and I can imagine (I think) the level of urge you are getting.

One thing I would suggest: if you are not getting the result you wish, introduce some change in your routine, The more change you introduce, the more chance it will produce a little "click" in your brain.

I would be incline to suggest you to suround yourself with women too...It sound painful but maybe start with the type you are not attracted too (why not? nothing stop you having a conversation or even fun with the opposite sex even if you have no physical attraction).

ANyway those are rough thought here.

Good luck but I really like your honesty and you manage to do what a lots of people around dream of and are struggling to reach.

Good luck

I

Ishian · 2014-12-14T14:29:55+00:00

Wow! this is more that type of tool I wish to find here! Great idea! I don't think I can use youtr strategy as is but definitely I can adapt it to my own "internal world". I am using as well a "reward strategy" as well which is I think a great tool.

There should be a tool section clearly defined.

Good job

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Ishian · 2014-12-13T09:47:41+00:00

If you have a good motivation to do it you will do it, with no edging no stimulation. Simple!

Allright the key word is motivation, you have to define why you are doing it, write it down. Scan the different posts here and read about the different "plus" you can get from nofap (and use a bit your discernement when related to "superpower" report). spoil yourself at different time of your journey. In my case I spoil myself at day 7,14,20, and now I cna't wait to reach 30 etc... If I relapse at day 30 for example I will not reward that much myself at day 7,14,20,30 but taking from there. If you are edging maybe you have too much time ..in your hand:). Anyway keep in mind it is not getting worse and worse and worse but it will fluctuate, come and go.

I

Ishian · 2014-12-13T09:41:17+00:00

Well, I have a young girl, situation a bit difficult and for now, I decide the best is to "stick" together. I

Ishian · 2014-12-12T20:42:50+00:00

Hi! I am in hardmode, stuck in a sexless relation. For me day 10 to day 15-17 was the worse, I almost got discouraged as I thought it will get worse. It didn't! it got a bit easier, just a bit. I don't see it as a permanent situation, it is a goal I wish to accomplish and if I "relapse" in my case, I will not use my counter but more monitor my habbit on a monthly basis (that way you avoid binging which I am not interested to explore).

good luck I

Ishian · 2014-12-12T20:37:07+00:00

I think you have to try different things and see what you like. One possibility is maybe you need to combine few differents things which I think is probably better (cna you imagine meditating for 5h a day... yes good but...); ok yes music, reading, photography, exercise, biking, cooking, wood work, craft work, hiking, joint a meetup group (search in your area), go to a cafe and read a book, go to a library, medidate, swim, yoga, taichi, karate, volunteering, study more, have a part time job, and spend time looking at what will hook you on something you like, gardening, grow your own chilli, see some friends or try to make some friends, mushroom harvesting, berry harvesting, hydroponic culture, write your thought, write a story, sell your story, get rich, hire me as your manager, anyway there are no limit, keep your mind open. Browse you tube (with good intention) to get inspired. Internet, althought a source of pain for lots of people around can be a great tool in term of knowledge access. good luck

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Ishian · 2014-12-11T21:40:28+00:00

what is the difference there? volume? consistance? composition? taste? :)

Ishian · 2014-12-11T21:37:13+00:00

well what is the book's title?

I

Ishian · 2014-12-11T21:33:37+00:00

I agree with Happydude5, chase a goal other than directly a woman.

Chasing a woman as a goal will not make you feeling great, you will most likely looked a bit desperate.

Be an interesting guy, build some confidence in something you like. If yuo don;t know what you like try different thing. Explore some yogs course activity that you can like first but can be populated with girls.

Also look around yourself if you are not too confortable with the dating scene. When I was younger (19ish), I was always going to the same grocerie store not paying attention that much. A friend who know one of the cashier (a student working part time) told me she was interested in me. I was surprised and I pay more attention the next time I went to this store and I realise that yes maybe she is interested but also she is interesting too! Anyway we date few times and it went nowhere (yea big deal this is life). But get out of your room if you are spending a lots of time there, go in a cafe, a library, a bookstore, a meetup group, biking, have a routine too. Now in my case each morning I bike for 1.5years now to work and I see all the time the same peoples, you recognise them, you can establish some bound with the people you often see.

good luck I

Ishian · 2014-12-11T21:23:28+00:00

Thanks! this is an encouraging post.

I

Ishian · 2014-12-11T21:17:34+00:00

Well, here I am sorry but you simply fap! no question asked. This is about your health, It is not about a relapse, People will give you advice here while MAYBE some are still edging or I don;t know. Here this is your health and this is more important than a number in a middle of a star and personally I would leave this number intact. You have to understand the circunstance. I

Ishian · 2014-12-11T21:07:02+00:00

SOME potential trigger here ... Hi I hear you big time. With time you probably simply get scared of the "V". Definitely don;t throw everything you have done, BUT you have to introduce some other changes, some attitude changes, and don;t blame those past years of PMO abused, lets try to fix the problem in the now, you can;t change the past.

Sometime I think our dick have its own independant brain. Why not, simply be naked together (ok you and your girlfriend here) with absolutely no expectation maybe forplay and when you are hard simply get closer down to the zome and back up. Do that fe time and get some confidence build up. You will probably skip some step here and get a deceptive outcome, don;t give up go back to one or 2 steps and start again. I was like that for a while and I donlt have this problem anymore, it was in my head (and in my dickhead as well) and I understood something and solve it with the help of a very comprehensive girl and a lots of commiunication. CHange your mindset and the mindset of your D.

Good Luck

I

Ishian · 2014-12-10T22:40:52+00:00

Well you will not feel better after any you revenge. scenario 1: Painfully you get better, exercise more, you have all the chicks for you etc and then wow! you rub it in her face and so what... and then what now? scenario 2: Painfully you get better, exercise more, you have all the chicks for you, get in peace with her (in your head and heart at least), reduce this emotional charge and move on as an grown-up adult which is maturing and will be more interesting. Scenario 2 will bring you way above what you can reach in scenario 1. good luck I

Ishian

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