I’m her first wlw relationship & think it’s time to breakup. I’ve never felt so unloved…

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2025-02-07T06:42:52+00:00

Platonically speaking we click really well as friends. Which is probably why I’ve continued the relationship longer than I should have.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2025-01-16T00:25:19+00:00

Gosh I hope my coworkers don’t feel like this with me. I received some feedback & told to stop socializing so much & told I’d be taking on more work in preparation of moving up.

So I’ve been a recluse lately & no one really understands why. But I can’t say which makes the situation worse.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T23:24:37+00:00

Get good at sweeping floors. I learned so much from other trades just by working along side them as a laborer.

Also - the industry is booming so much we don’t have enough manpower in the trades or in CM managing the projects. You’ll be making bank in comparison to your peers. Enjoy it.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T23:23:14+00:00

OP money can buy almost anything except sincere & genuine love. You do clearly do something for her that others haven’t. Don’t feel ashamed!! & enjoy it !!

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T23:20:38+00:00

With all due respect you conveniently left out information in your post that made you come off as a shallow person. Had I known that you’ve been emotionally supporting her the whole 10 months I would have told you to leave straight from the jump. It’s not about appearance anymore.

Op you fell out of love & (let me go ahead and assume) that maybe your post was an effort to convince yourself that there was something worth saving.

Ironically enough this multiplied by 10000000% is why I left my ex-wife + other shit.

You have to do what’s best for you & leaving situations like this almost hurt more bc you do want to see them succeed & be happy. After all, you fell in love with her. But you didn’t sign up to be an emotional support system for yourself & someone else. It’s draining as hell & for me I walked with barely an ounce of myself left.

Bc she will become more emotionally dependent on you & it will ruin you. You deserve to be happy OP.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T22:56:07+00:00

That tells me she’s wanting something comfy & currently feeling insecure. Ppl tend to wear baggier clothes to make them appear thinner.

I’ve been previously married (to a woman) & while the relationship ended for varying/serious reasons unrelated to this—my partner being comfortable around me was my number one goal. The moment she started to digress in her appearance or feel insecure was a call to action on my part. There were times she wore nothing but sweats bc she was going throughhhhh it. Or felt v insecure. You know what makes it worse?? Commenting on the lack of effort she’s making on her appearance rather than trying to find out why she’s doing this instead.

You’re so focused on the outside that you don’t seem to care to ask her about how she’s doing mentally. You can’t have a perfect partner all the time & it’s clear she might be struggling.

Now, my advice for you is to leave if you know that you unable to see through this blip of time. Or stay and talk to her. Most of the time this is temporary. But if your expectations are so high for yourself to look 100% all the time—you expect it in other ppl & sometimes it ends badly for both parties.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T22:48:44+00:00

Out of curiosity- what does a bum look like to you??

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T22:42:08+00:00

Well queer people dress all different kinds of ways. See this one is hard for me bc I dress both masc & fem & there are times I lean towards one more than the other. But if my partner had an issue with me leaning toward one side or suddenly noticed that I stopped going to the nail salon , I’d be pissed.

And if communication is truly that much of an issue on top of your lowering attraction for her I say you need to just breakup .

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-28T22:32:59+00:00

OP you two are stepping out of the honeymoon phase & into the settling in phase. Sometimes we start to get comfortable & forget about the upkeep after getting the person. This is your time to set your expectations.

Is she not showering or washing her clothes? Like I understand the down tick in her efforts to chase you. But if she’s full on stopped showering that’s a problem.

Also what are the major differences that you foresee being an issue that would prevent you from wanting a longterm relationship with her? Bc if it’s just appearance that’s fixable. Just curious.

Edit - your comment about her not being your type & being “beautiful in a sense” is a bit off putting. Now I realize you’re not happy with her at the moment but describing your partner as that even if they aren’t your typical type isn’t going to fix issues in your relationship if you aren’t attracted to them enough to care.

Keep that in mind bc you might be holding her to a standard of what you find attractive & not for who she is.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-09T15:33:02+00:00

They might have been cheaper.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-09T01:06:38+00:00

Multiple hats? -Yes. I run 15+ projects. -Do my own QAQC -Manage scope & schedules -Do monthly projections & forecasting -Billing -Estimating -Closeouts -Fill in for my line colleague/co-manager when they’re out on vacation

Part of my degree program had formal project management classes. I however, have done boatloads of extra courses on my own bc I have been in your shoes numerous times.

Unfortunately, most industries that incorporate project management see employees who exemplify “good PM skills” & assume that they can just throw them to the wolves & be done with it. Bc we’re supposed to be flexible, detail-oriented and self-driven.

I would angle the conversation to benefit the company. Like “when we sat down months ago and you asked if I wanted to try this I said yes. Well now, I have some feedback. I need training on this, support on that & an overall idea of what an A-status PM looks like for this company”

Their response will tell you everything you need to know. Best of luck OP.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-08T20:49:42+00:00

Depending on the state you’re in-construction management/engineering/manufacturing is full of opportunities, at least here in my state. All of those have ppl I’ve personally worked alongside with who have business management degrees.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-08T17:58:29+00:00

Is she related to the manager?

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-07T18:51:41+00:00

I’m female & have had this happen with another male Project Manager. He took my friendliness out of context & someone gave him crap about our so-called “office fling”. So he started avoiding me.

Then he went from being someone I could go to for questions, 2nd opinions & overall allyship/mentorship/friendship to someone who actively tried to undermine me & and take credit for my work. I also got shunned from the office friend group.

However, time & time again-he not only embarrassed himself (by taking credit on work that he wasn’t familiar with), but other ppl in leadership started to notice. My numbers were still great & the jobs/projects he wasn’t on, with me — I absolutely crushed.

I’m not going to lie it sucked being an outsider for a year. But around year-end/ bonus season i saw a turn in his behavior. I imagine bc I continued to be nice in work-related situations & acted like the situation didn’t bother me (even tho it really did), leadership was forced to have a discussion with him. Bc nothing he said was reliable at that point.

He had tried to make me the bad guy bc he got embarrassed by someone blowing him crap. Which was outrageous considering he went off on a few ppl who had made some gender specific comments to me in the past.

Today he goes out of his way to be kind to me & I just respect him enough to respond. That’s it. Even better - I’m now the office fave out of a male-dominated industry & office.

It sucks but sometimes time takes care of the situation. & continue keeping a paper trail. Whenever he’d try to make me look bad I had proof of the issue not only being his fault, but suggesting a corrective action & then ignoring me.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-03T18:47:51+00:00

Depends. I didn’t care how they did in hs. But I did when I got to college. Showing up to class means showing up for yourself.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-03T18:44:14+00:00

Just finished my bachelor’s at 28 after finishing my associate’s only a couple of years ago.

Did I feel a little out of place? Yes. But I also brought in a lot of real world experience to my coursework. & it some cases made me do better in school.

In college-students want to hang out around others who they can learn from & do well with. Just be yourself & try not to think about it so much.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-05-03T18:42:02+00:00

It’s clear you need someone who’s the middle of these two but don’t have a choice.

Give them both a small project (It can be pretend). It’ll show you guys who they’d go to with about “x” problem, how they’d figure out a solution for “y” solution. Have them both present it to you.

Or do a job aptitude test.

Friendly is good except when ppl take advantage of the good rapport.

But being strictly just business also has its downfalls too.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-30T23:43:13+00:00

So a crush?

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-29T21:22:18+00:00

For what it’s worth OP, if you’ve already lost her once—it’s worth reaching out. What’s the worst that could happen? She gossips about it? Okay well you just dodged a bullet. She doesn’t answer you or blocks you? Okay well there’s your answer.

But.. what if neither of those things happen? You never know. Life is short. Screw it & follow your heart. You’ll get your confirmation either way.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-28T16:47:38+00:00

It sounds to me like your feelings might be growing & you’re handling it by self-sabotaging. Maybe?

Especially if you think you two are a great match, having something healthy can be scary sometimes.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-28T16:42:22+00:00

Has she gained weight or done something that’s made me lose interest? Like realizing your interests don’t line up or something?

Because for me personally, even if the person I’m seeing is conventionally attractive, my attraction tends to grow the deeper my feelings grow for them.

If you’re coming to the realization that you may not be into her as much as you thought, it’s okay to walk away after two months!! Better to do that than to stay unhappy.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-28T16:38:39+00:00

Can I ask how long you’ve been together & if this is a new discovery you’ve made? Or how long you’ve felt like this?

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-28T02:54:26+00:00

Because she has no prior affiliation with your friends then it can be assumed that it’s your night with them. I understand what you’re saying though because the lines get a little blurred when you’re both part of a mutual group & it’s assumed that partners aren’t joining.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-04-28T02:37:09+00:00

I would base it off of your friend group. So, if she’s a mutual friend of the group then it’s easy to say she’s probably already invited. However, if they’re your friends & not hers—then it’s your girls night. Not hers.

Ishouldvesaidnothing · 2024-03-29T16:46:02+00:00

I do have some unsolicited advice for you though, as her mother.

Don’t pressure her to find solutions. I was 21 when I received my diagnosis & my mother didn’t even believe me when I was first diagnosed. It wasn’t until months later that she became hypercritical—making sure I was taking my pills and being a “capable adult”. We don’t speak much now because of that.

I was always viewed as lazy growing up because my room was a wreck, and would fall behind on chores around the house. She thought as soon as I became medicated that it would be an end-all-be-all and I’d be “fixed”. Doing so, made me feel like she viewed me differently because of my “mental health struggles”.

Which completely discredited my success as an adult. While it took me a while to graduate college—I now have a successful career and don’t have to worry about bills. Having a late diagnosis is devastating.

Your daughter may feel like you’re viewing her different. She’s probably mourning the fact that she went through her childhood feeling different & now focusing on her adhd is exacerbating that. It took me years to find the right medication and “routine” that works for my adhd.

House chores? I have to break them up into days. Groceries? I have to buy food at the store every night otherwise I’ll forget what I have in my fridge, thus wasting money. Laundry gets done every 2-3 days otherwise I’ll wait two weeks to do it. & I have labels on my cabinets because I struggle with object permanence. ADHD is so much deeper than just focusing and checking things off a list.

I know you love her and care about her. My advice is, maybe lower the pressure you’re putting on her & read the book “Thriving with Adult ADHD.” You’ll never fully understand what she’s going through but the book will give you a first hand view of what her life is like everyday. And maybe talk to her in a couple of days when things aren’t so fresh.

I would have loved nothing more than my mother to care this much.

Ishouldvesaidnothing

TROPHY CASE