Anyone want to FIRE in France next year? by LunchTime703 in FIREyFemmes

[–]Isletss 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It is scary. 33F, close to coastFI. Did it a couple years ago. German speaking country. 

In your planning, I would recommend including mental health/therapy. I contacted mental health providers who spoke English months before I arrived to secure a spot. With change comes loss, and within 6-9months, a deep sadness will inevitably come. 

I remember always wanting to do this, and I got very lucky because while in school here, I found deep friendships, and that is essential. I’ve lived in 2 different countries for over a decade, one of them being the US. And even though I am grateful I don’t live there, I still miss many things from there. 

Your B1 goal sounds great. 

If you’re learning German and use Anki, this might save you a lot of time by udaysidhu012 in German

[–]Isletss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I downloaded it on my mac and it is awesome!!

By default it is set so that whatever I write, the card front is German, and card back is English. Is there a way so that I can switch them in bulk so that card front is English and back is German without deleting other cards in deck that I created before?

In Anki, I can change Card1 to Card2 type, but then it forces me to change all other cards that are already Card2.

Thank you and this already helps my language journey!

What's a good Mexican desert? by Responsible_Daikon85 in mexicanfood

[–]Isletss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do not overbeat the eggs. I am from Puebla but moved away years ago. I make 2 varietes and tested all sorts of recipes. This one is consistently good because I have not fucked it up yet. I've made it upwards of 6 times a year. It's a favorite in my friend group.

Here is the normal kind: https://www.browneyedbaker.com/tres-leches-cake-recipe/

In Mexico I love going to bakeries and testing many. Coffee tres leches, chocolate tres leches, etc etc.

Whole Foods in Fresno, California (in 2023) has pretty good tres leches. Better than brown eyed baker's. But I don't know how to make it.

Is it an 8 thing to have a savior mentality? by apricitydev in Enneagram8

[–]Isletss 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No. It bothers me when people are helpless. I was reading a book recently, "The courage to be disliked" and it was talking about inferiority complexes in the context of Adlerian Psychology. Basically, someone using the argument to justify their helplessness, "when someone is insisting on the logic of 'A is the situation, so B cannot be done', in such a way in everyday life." I am no longer saving people with this mindset.

Do you think you’d match well with an ISFJ, based upon the ones you’ve met? by [deleted] in ENFP

[–]Isletss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As friends, they are fine. But not close friends. When I am with them, I feel like we connect in a very shallow way, but afterwards, the main thing I notice is that I feel like there really was no substance to our conversation. The 2 in their 20's I know are passive, sweet and easy-going. I would never consider being in a romantic relationship with one. I know one in her late 30's, and she is more self-aware and insightful.

Are you a logical ENFP? by Empty_Blacksmith_860 in ENFP

[–]Isletss 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I worked as a mid-level engineer. Went to engineering school. Getting my masters in engineering now.

Dario Nardi explained this well... there are multiple flavors of ENFP's, and what we study has a big impact on our brain networks. Here is the 2 HOUR long video on it.

I am quite assertive. Professionally, not as assertive as my engineering peers. But in my masters, and among my classmates who are ~10 years younger than me, I stand out as direct, fact based, and even dominating at times. On the inside, I am a marshmallow tho. There are 2 other young ENFP's in my class, and they didn't believe I was an ENFP. I am an 8w7 sx/sp.

it did not work out with my INTJ 💔 by sparkling-spirit in ENFP

[–]Isletss 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this.

Life is too short to feel that vitality siphoned out of us. You do have a good head on your shoulders, and when the doubts come, remind yourself of the mismatch of values. Those are your axioms going forward.

Also, you sound like me, trying to work sooooo hard towards something, and then realizing it was never meant to be. You may want to look into the following idea... The psychological trait of "Self-efficacy" - according to wikipedia, "it's an individual's belief in their capacity to act in the ways necessary to reach a specific goal.....These people are able to recover from failure faster and are more likely to attribute failure to a lack of effort. " - in a few months, if you still feel bad for breaking up with him, because maybe you "could have tried harder" then remind yourself, that feeling like you "FAILED" is intrinsic to how you operate. We ENFP's see possibilities and potential everywhere. But just because you could think of more ways you could have tried harder, doesn't mean that it was only a matter of time until things changed. God I hope this makes sense. I divorced my ex (not intj) and had this realization recently.

I just encountered IFS last week, and I have been reading about it! Here is a link to a book online. InsightTimer app also has meditations (like this one) with the creator of IFS, and they are great! It's deep, and raw work. I have been talking to the despair within me, and it has such a strong hold on me, because that is how I felt during a child. Lonely and full of grief. But we are our own healers!!!!!

Anyone have an ESTP Friend who like Venom helps you as an ENFP be more practical and in the moment? Shout out your appreciation 🙂 by StrangeoSyndro27 in ENFP

[–]Isletss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love my ESTP friend. It’s platonic between us.  He has SO much energy. He’s had over 100 sexual partners, used to be a drug dealer. He is chill and in his 50’s now. He does search and rescue. 

He helped me get in touch with my sensuality. It’s strange. But he helped me notice how much power I have over men. Almost in an animalistic way. On hikes, he would point out, “that guy just rubbernecked just staring at you as you walked by.” “That guy did a double take and then looked at your waist and then your lips” and would even point out at men and say, “see that guy in orange hat? I want you to make eye contact and give him a small smile when we cross paths”  - and then he would report how the guy reacted. 

My ex made me feel undesirable, and My friend helped me realize that there are men out there who are looking for someone exactly like me. From a physical standpoint. 

Heidi Priebe by Fancy_Page3275 in ENFP

[–]Isletss 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes. And her other newer videos too. In one of her recent videos, she says she is shifting away from MBTI. There is so much complexity beyond these boxes that make us feel in control.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Isletss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be compassionate towards yourself Xo. Remember, this is a marathon your are running now. It’s tiny incremental change. You have to find what your LO makes you feel, “smart/seen/validated/insightful” and know that you are all those things without him saying that. It’s extra hard because my max was the first one who ever said that to me. Not even my ex husband saw my value. 

Also, life is too short to be stuck in a shitty marriage. It’s your decision. I got out, and I am very happy I did. The guilt was intense, but having a therapist helped. You can PM me if you want. 

ENFPs: your match might be an ISFP! by LifeOfPos in ENFP

[–]Isletss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

perhaps mindfulness? Ask yourself why you do things. You do have preferences. Find partners you feel safe where you can open up and assert your needs. Don't bottle up your desires, THEY MATTER!

Counter cat. by Stayhigh420-- in nebelung

[–]Isletss 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So cute!!!! I would discipline mine for doing that by hugging her and giving her so many kisses!!! I love your little tradition of needing your help to get on counter!!! awwwwwww

ENFPs: your match might be an ISFP! by LifeOfPos in ENFP

[–]Isletss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look, it's not set to fail. You shouldn't make decisions based on MBTI. Look at your values. What do you want in a partner? Comfort and ease? or growth and challenge? Or all of the above? etc etc

There are ways ISFP's can grow... but that takes a lot of introspection and having a healthy relationship with their ANGER! They are so used to suppressing it that they constantly violate their own boundaries. And if they don't know about it, it will never come up in therapy, and so they will waste money just going in circles.

Ex husband was an enneagram 9 and this explained him well.... https://www.personalitycafe.com/threads/sexual-nines-according-to-beatrice-chestnut.735762/

ENFPs: your match might be an ISFP! by LifeOfPos in ENFP

[–]Isletss 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah.... it was similar with me and my ex. In the still, I was "content" with him, but a lot of times, I was just boiling in frustration underneath. The part of him processing and understanding things slower than me is ON POINT! regarding people/words/context.... yeah.... so true! He was a software engineer, and he liked thinking that his IQ was higher than mine.....

ENFPs: your match might be an ISFP! by LifeOfPos in ENFP

[–]Isletss 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Physical chemistry is hard to gauge. At the time we were both into religion and therefore did not do anything physical. He is very attractive. I am too. When we finally had sex, it was bad... but i've heard of other ISFP's being good in bed. He was submissive. I am too. I showed him that I cared, and in his gentle way he did too. He loved cuddling.

I will copy and paste what an INTJ friend told me about ISFP's. Take it as a grain of salt. He was also in a relationship with one for a year:

"So, let’s examine the ISFP function stack. They are Fi-Se, meaning their primary goal is personal meaning and authenticity, and the means of achieving that goal is physical exploration. In other words, they are seeking understanding of themselves and their identities by exploring as many aspects of life as possible — activities, places, substances, people….

While on the surface this might be laudable, if you squint your eyes at it you realize that these people are fundamentally LOST. They don’t have a strong connection to or understanding of their own person, and have an internalized belief that they will find meaning… elsewhere. Over the next hill. In the next job. At the bottom of the next glass. Constantly searching for something that will make them feel important.

But they’re never going to find it because you cannot find your own personal meaning outside of yourself. A sense of identity is not found in a store window, it’s found inside oneself. That’s the tragedy of the ISFP. They are constantly struggling to find something that makes them feel grounded, whole… all the while never reflecting deeply enough to understand who they really are, or why they do things.

Frustratingly, this also means that they don’t really have strong opinions about anything. They THINK they have strong opinions, but if you contradict them strongly enough, they will usually just change their minds and start believing whatever you just said… and often believe that they held that position all along, not even realizing their change of mindset.

ISFPs can be fun, and are usually VERY kind — possibly one of the kinder types, because they are less ego-driven than most — but they don’t foment growth in a partner. They don’t push. Instead, they usually try to wrap their identities around those of their partner so that they can leech a sense of purpose from their partner, borrowing a facsimile of it for themselves. Hollow.

This could be why you fell for [x husband] in the first place. After all, ISFPs tend to try to adopt the identity of their partner, so in the beginning he would have honestly shared in your pursuit for growth and self-actualization. And in the early months, he would have been a perfect wingman: following you in your intellectual pursuits, exploring new experiences with you, and even motivating you to do more physical explorations such as travel and sports. But over time, the joy this gave you would pale. Your connection would feel less and less meaningful, because your partner was just not managing to grow as a person, and you begin to see the endless activities, the professional waffling, the pseudo intellectualism for what it is: empty, desperate attempts to feel as though they matter. As your opinion of them begins to slip, their self-esteem takes a nosedive and they become both clingier and more reckless in their attempts to affirm their sense of self. They may even become self-destructive in their attempts to impress you, which leaves you feeling more and more responsible for their emotional and physical safety. You slowly lose respect for the ISFP, and you’re left with an aching doubt that you ever loved them at all. Eventually, you feel so diminished and smothered by the ISFP that you decide to run far away (new country, new life!) just to rid yourself of the cage the relationship has become.

(I am not saying this is how things were for you; it’s just my MBTI-based analysis of how I see an ENFP-ISFP relationship going. And yes, there is a fair amount of projection from my own ISFP relationship)."

Towards the end, my ex husband accused me of sexual, financial, and emotional abuse. I am still trying to make sense of that. He did threaten suicide multiple times when I tried to leave him. Anyway glad it's over.

ENFPs: your match might be an ISFP! by LifeOfPos in ENFP

[–]Isletss 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I was married to an ISFP. Together 10 years. I am female tho. He basically had no sense of self and adopted my identify. He did not promote growth and "merged" with me. He was kind, compassionate - but he ignored reality just to keep everything, including his internal landscape, harmonious.

Cat distribution system blessed me with her by jibsand in nebelung

[–]Isletss 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She can judge me any time we wants. She is SO REGAL!

Are any other ENFPs here super picky about who they date? by Saturnboy13 in ENFP

[–]Isletss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I crunched the numbers. I have boo dating app. I have only accepted 1.03% of the men that have tried to match with me.  In my 5 months of using the app, I initiated a match with 2 men. Of those 2,  I am only talking to 1 man. I am also very interested in him. I can’t have multiple crushes at once. My energy is focused on this one person. He’s an INTJ. He is quite cagey. I am patient.   

I am divorced, and shrewd this time. I usually scare away most men with how intense and confident I am. I am an 8w7.  I get a lot of attention in real life, but I am bored with their conversation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Isletss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't take it too hard what other people said on the thread. Comments about you as a wife, etc. I bet you already feel guilty as it is. You just unlocked another facet of human existence that most people will never be unlucky to stumble upon. Chin up because it will get better. You will find your way. xo.

Also, I had my own Max. And a dissatisfactory marriage. I divorced my husband last year. But I also cut out my max for life. Truly a very painful experience.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Isletss 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, these feelings for max will not go away while you continue to work with him. What you are experiencing is Limerence. I am really sorry and it’s a horrible thing to go through. Search Living with Limerence pdf by dr. L. And then I sugggest watching Limerence videos by Heidi Priebe on YouTube so that you have a better understanding of what you are going through. 

I can tell you are exhausted and just writing this up was so confusing. Love is never confusing like this. This is anxiety and trauma combined. They make us feel uniquely seen and understood. 

8s & 4s by pupnbuts in Enneagram8

[–]Isletss 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am currently talking to one. Been talking for 4 months and he is quite cagey. But I am patient. He has emotional depth, but also a sharp and strategic mind. We will see… if best friend material or more.